Legal guardians

My brother is named in our wills. We've discussed with him that the reason we've chosen him is we trust him to put DD in the best place for her (whether that is with him (he's only 23 atm), or with either set of her grandparents. I think both sets of grandparents would automatically keep her if they had guardianship, whereas I think my brother would make a considered choice depending where everyone was in their lives.

The girls' dad and I had many many discussions on this, and it's still not set in concrete, but it would likely be MIL and FIL...however, I want my parents to also be guardians so that they have a say in how the girls are raised because I don't believe the ILs would take into account what MY thoughts would have been regarding how the girls are raised, and my parents are more on the same page as me in that regard (especially in regards to schooling).

I've been thinking about this a bit lately, must actually get round to discussing it with DH

 

I really have no idea, ideally I would love him to go to my Mum, but she isn't in the best financial position at the moment and my step-dad is quite sick with terminal cancer.

My Dad could do it, but I don't trust him 100% to raise DS like I would.

MIL I do not trust at all!!!! Although they have financial stability, are reasonably young still and I know DH would push for it to be them.

 

None of my siblings have started families yet, and unless my older brother or younger sister started a family in the next few years I wouldn't really want to count on them either.

DH's brother is a bit of a drop kick and would never raise our son like his own, although his partner is lovely and I could totally trust her.

 

We don't have any friends close enough to take the responsibility on.

 

Lots to think about I guess.

DF and I havent talked about this at all though I know out of everyone, friends and family, I'd most likely go with my uncle who, although is turning 50 very soon, I think would be more able to do the job than anyone else.

My mum is an absolute fruit loop, for all that I love her, I wouldnt wish her to raise another child.

My dad is out simply because he's more like a sperm donor than a father to me.

DFs Mum is out because I have a feeling she's as nutty as my mum and I dont want that sort of upbringing for my child.

DF's dad is out because he is an alcoholic and also because his physical health has been declining lately.

DF's siblings, well I think his brother would make a good uncle but I cant see him raising my child in a way I can agree with. DF's sister is too young (14 I think) and I cant in good concience lay such a responsibility on her.

My brother is currently 13 so same issue as DFs sister.

I have a few friends who I'm sure would be responsible enough and follow our wishes but one of them doesnt ever want children and most of the others are in their teens or early 20's and arent even thinking of having children.

Also, I was raised for a while by my uncle and I reckon he was the best parent I have ever had.

My brothers are all way to young at the current moment. The BIL closest to DH's age is down for the kids, he adores them, and is desperate for a family of his own. I have no doubt he would remain just as committed when he has his own family too

Dh sat down and talked about this long and hard as well.

My DS has a diff father and would go to him. ( unfortunately, he has alot of growing up to do and is 30 ), but I would stipulate that my mother also be a guardian ( if she can be ) cos I know she would keep the father in line, and cos I know she will make sure all the other family on my side gets visitation and holidays etc.

With DD and the one on the way, we have stated that they would live with DH's parents because they are more financially stable, but that both sets of my parents ( divorced and remarried ), still get a say in any important matters and of course get holidays etc.

At the moment none of our siblings are ready to take on that kind of responsibility.