Legal guardians
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Topic: Legal guardians
Posted By: caliandjack
Subject: Legal guardians
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 12:28pm
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Maebee's Godparents thread got me thinking. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Replies:
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 1:07pm
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We still haven't decided, been discussing it for over a year... As we're both young we wonder if it'd be wise to get our parents as her legal guardian (both are about 50 years old...) whereas our friends are all about 20ish. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 1:15pm
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Our parents are in their late 60 early 70s getting a bit old. Dh doesn't have any siblings and my brother is in Aussie. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: HoneybunsMa
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 1:20pm
You'd be surprised Nic at friends who are in their 20's DP and I were godparents at 21ish and we wouldn't have changed it for the world and if anything happened we would have dropped anything for our godson, now we have 3godkids I've told our besties if we get the kids we get their stuff too  (they have a big screen tv, haha) We're godparents to them and will have legal guardianship as they don't trust anyone else so thats quite a big thing
Our DD's guardians will most likely be my baby bro and his GF as they love DD like their own, SIL spoils her and DD has her wrapped round her little finger, my parents are in their 60's so wouldn't put that on them, SIL and bro were both working, bro is doing a course till end of year then will be working again. Plus they would have all the support of my family who know DD as she lives with us at my parents house. Main reason we wouldn't give her to besties is because they have their three already although whats one more in the grand scheme but she knows my family alot more then them and it'd be too unsettling for her. DP's family we didnt even really consider. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 1:22pm
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Most likely MIL. Even if we didnt choose her she would fight until she got DD.
Its kind of hard for me because there isnt really anyone at all i trust enough to have DD if i was to die. Therefore i dont think about it. -------------  
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 1:33pm
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I really don't know. I would say my bro and SIL but she is Swedish and I'd be worried they'd decide to move there and that wouldn't be fair on our parents or DH's sisters.
One of his sisters has a partner with MS and I think has put of having her own family because of that, another is probably going to be single and suffers from depression (I think), the other is a possibility but has no children of her own. We don't have any friends that I would consider. That only leaves our parents, his are in their 60s and mine late 50s. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 1:58pm
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Sister and her DH. Main reason I chose that sister is that she has 2 kids who are close in age to Dan and we have a similar approach to life/parenting. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 2:02pm
Exactly, I just feel my friends or our friends are far too immature. I mean one of our friends had a baby almost 2 months ago and she chose to FF simply because she wanted to have Friday/Saturday nights free to be able to go party. And a lot of our friends are into the whole partying and what not and tbh I wouldn't want to 'ruin their life' or anything. Tbh I would much rather pick MIL over my own mum but simply because MIL absolutely adores DD (so does my mum, but she has a much harder time switching off after work) and I know MIL already loves to play 'mummy' My bestie is great with DD but she doesn't plan to have kids of her own so I would feel bad choosing her... I have cousins etc but again they have kids of their own. I'm not close with my half siblings... Suppose that decides it for me then... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Sabrina0007 wrote:Posted By: james
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 2:33pm
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for me it is my mum /or my brother and sister in law both would be great rasing james love him as much as me and would be able to remind him of me and i trust them tottaly ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 3:24pm
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We have had quite a few talks about this and could not come up with a definite answer, talked to our lawyer when we did our wills etc.
My parents are split up but both see heaps of the kids and Dhs parents are very involved in their lives as well. My sister has three kids of her own and lives in the NI, my other two siblings don't have kids yet. If something happened now, my inlaws would probably get them, with lots of input from my parents but it does worry me that the years pass quickly and they are getting older so we had a meeting with our parents, and my best friend and decided if we left this world they would all sit down together and decide what was best at the time - eg school is different to now etc. ------------- 
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: amme_eilyk
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 3:31pm
| for us it is my parents. as I dont get on with my in laws and i feel that their parenting beliefs are very different to mine. my parents are also better off financially and health wise so would be better able to cope. my brother is no where near ready infact the thought of him with a baby just made me and dh crack up. none of my friends are really at a place where they could compare stability and financially wise with what my parents could offer. |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 3:51pm
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My mom initially. I am seperated from the father, and he lives on an army base in a one bedroom apartment with thousands of guns. He would need a month minimum to sort out bigger accomodation, arrange work hours, get all set up for a baby/toddler/child let alone the fact that he has no experience with children and if baby is young he would be totally useless for a few weeks until he got it sorted.
So legally, my Mom will be guardian with the expectation that when his father is ready they will make the switch. |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 4:00pm
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We still dont know... I dont want IL's as I dont believe they would follow our wishes on how our children were raised. I dont believe BIL would be able to raise our children as his own (though I do think his wife would).
No to my sister, her parenting is the exact opposite to mine and there is no way my dad could do it. DH doesnt trust my mother.. though I think the responsibility would make her snap out of her selfishness. So thats all family gone and we cant agree on any friends. Its also hard as my family are aussie and DH family are here.. no matter who raises them we need to be able to rely on the fact that the family in the other country will get adequate contact. *sigh* -------------   
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 4:09pm
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DS is simple, he'd go to either his father, or his fathers parents (not like I have any say in the matter, it took me 3 years to fight for the right to have day-to-day care of him from them!)
DD and this one coming are a lot tougher... there is noone in DPs family that we trust enough to be their guardian, my sister has too many kids of her own to have the room for 2 more, and my mum and I dont have that kind of relationship where I would have her raise my kids.... DP has life insurance, so there is something there as back-up for the kids (not DS though as he has his fathers family to take on that responsibility) but if something were to happen to BOTH of us before they were of an age to take care of themselves, it would probably be between DDs godparents, or my oldests godparents, at least I know they will fight to make sure my kids keep in contact regularly as it is inevitable they will be split up in the event anything happened to me. ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 4:13pm
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My family is all getting a bit older. My brother is in Aussie and we don't get on. There's my ex-SIL not sure she'd want to take on a little one though, my nieces are 14 and 9 much easier than a baby or a toddler.
They'd be money for her as we've both got life insurance till she's 18. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: fairy1
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 5:52pm
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At this stage my sister would become legal guardian. Shes pretty much expecting it, but she will also raise him the way we would, and she (currently) doesnt plan on having children so he would be raised as her own.
Both sets of parents are getting old, and I dont like my MIL and wouldnt want my child raised by her. DH's family hasnt settled down yet (eg married etc) and I dont think they are ready, my younger brother (and his wife) arent in a position financially and my family have concerns over the way my older brother is raising his children and I dont want any of our friends to have them. So that pretty leaves my sister. Only think not so good about it is I think he wouldnt grow up knowing DH's side of the family (although he might not if DH died anyway). It is a hard decision to make, and one I would rather not think of. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 6:22pm
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Our wills state that my 2 Bros and SIL (Bro's wide) are the legal guardians of the boys if something happens to DH and I. That way they can share the load as Bro and SIL already have a DD and I am sure other Bro and his DP will eventually get married and have kids
I checked with my youngest Bro as he is a lawyer and just because they are the legal guardians doesn't mean that the boys have to live with them, they may decide that someone else eg my parents are in a better position to have them day to day. So even if your parents are older they could be the legal guardians and later decide that someone else is in the position to do the day to day stuff ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 7:21pm
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We've been struggling with this one for awhile. No way to anyone in my family or DPs and we don't have any friends at the moment that I would trust to bring the boys up with the same values and love that we would. -------------   
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 7:40pm
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Depending on his age, my oldest son... under the guidance of the grandparents, and our siblings...
Don't like to think about it  ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: kiwisj
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 8:33pm
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DH and I have really only touched on this subject, more to exclude people than to actually make a decision (as it seems a lot of you guys have too which makes me feel better!)
My first choice would be my Dad as he's young at heart, loves kids and a lot of my parenting "philosophy" comes from my own parents. Unfortunately, my stepmother and I do not get on AT ALL and I wouldn't want her involved with my kids on a daily basis
My Mum and stepdad are great but have had health issues over the past couple of years that mean they likely won't outlive DH and I and young kids would be a burden. However, they'd probably be good legal guardians. My bro and sis are younger and both would be great at the day to day stuff but would be a massive lifestyle change for them! SIL and her husband have their hands full enough with their own two and I doubt they would cope with two (or more) extras TBH. Which leaves my ILs who I do trust and know they'd do a great job, but they're in their 60s (as of this year) and MIL is a smoker which bothers both DH and I enough that I don't think he'd go for it! We usually get as far as half agreeing that my sister is the best choice but then worrying that because she is single (for now) it is too much of a burden and would stop her living her own life... We also have the issue of location as my Dad is in NZ (but away from extended family) and then Mum is in Sydney with bro and sis and her extended family. ILs are all in Victoria. DH's extended family is in Wellington. Decisions decisions! ------------- SJ Callum - Dec 2008 Daniel - Oct 2010 |
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 8:47pm
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My brother is named in our wills. We've discussed with him that the reason we've chosen him is we trust him to put DD in the best place for her (whether that is with him (he's only 23 atm), or with either set of her grandparents. I think both sets of grandparents would automatically keep her if they had guardianship, whereas I think my brother would make a considered choice depending where everyone was in their lives. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 10:59pm
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We have just (finally!) decided Jacksons guardians after much debate, talking and time!! We decided on some good friends of ours (an old Army mate of DH and his wife).
They have just gotten married and also have their first baby on the way due next year. We felt they were the best people for the job and that would parent Jackson the way we want him parented and that would respect our wishes (both parenting and financially). It is a hard decision and not one to take lightly. We personally didnt choose either of our parents cos we dont feel it would be fair to put child rearing responsibilities back on to them IYGWIM. ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 10 September 2010 at 12:30am
| The girls' dad and I had many many discussions on this, and it's still not set in concrete, but it would likely be MIL and FIL...however, I want my parents to also be guardians so that they have a say in how the girls are raised because I don't believe the ILs would take into account what MY thoughts would have been regarding how the girls are raised, and my parents are more on the same page as me in that regard (especially in regards to schooling). |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 10 September 2010 at 10:47am
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My father and his mother are at the moment. my parents however are in a better state to take the boys if anything was to happen. It would be the boys leaving NZ (if we are still here) but my parents are so much younger than DH's parents. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: MamaT
Date Posted: 12 September 2010 at 8:38pm
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I've been thinking about this a bit lately, must actually get round to discussing it with DH
I really have no idea, ideally I would love him to go to my Mum, but she isn't in the best financial position at the moment and my step-dad is quite sick with terminal cancer. My Dad could do it, but I don't trust him 100% to raise DS like I would. MIL I do not trust at all!!!! Although they have financial stability, are reasonably young still and I know DH would push for it to be them.
None of my siblings have started families yet, and unless my older brother or younger sister started a family in the next few years I wouldn't really want to count on them either. DH's brother is a bit of a drop kick and would never raise our son like his own, although his partner is lovely and I could totally trust her.
We don't have any friends close enough to take the responsibility on.
Lots to think about I guess. -------------  
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Posted By: kandk
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 10:44pm
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For us it's DH's sister. My brothers are overseas, but if they come back here they would also be options.
But you do need to talk to them about it!! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: lil_lease
Date Posted: 14 September 2010 at 11:17pm
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DF and I havent talked about this at all though I know out of everyone, friends and family, I'd most likely go with my uncle who, although is turning 50 very soon, I think would be more able to do the job than anyone else.
My mum is an absolute fruit loop, for all that I love her, I wouldnt wish her to raise another child. My dad is out simply because he's more like a sperm donor than a father to me. DFs Mum is out because I have a feeling she's as nutty as my mum and I dont want that sort of upbringing for my child. DF's dad is out because he is an alcoholic and also because his physical health has been declining lately. DF's siblings, well I think his brother would make a good uncle but I cant see him raising my child in a way I can agree with. DF's sister is too young (14 I think) and I cant in good concience lay such a responsibility on her. My brother is currently 13 so same issue as DFs sister. I have a few friends who I'm sure would be responsible enough and follow our wishes but one of them doesnt ever want children and most of the others are in their teens or early 20's and arent even thinking of having children. Also, I was raised for a while by my uncle and I reckon he was the best parent I have ever had. ------------- Antony, gone but never forgotten 2-4-2010 
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 7:56am
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We've decided on my brother and one of DH's sisters (haven't asked them yet). That way there is representation from each side and hopefully the best decision will be made. With both our parents still here and together and 4 siblings between us all of whom I wouldn't mind raising my kids I'm sure it would be fine. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: flakesitchyfeet
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 8:35am
My brothers are all way to young at the current moment. The BIL closest to DH's age is down for the kids, he adores them, and is desperate for a family of his own. I have no doubt he would remain just as committed when he has his own family too  -------------  http://lilypie.com"> |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 15 September 2010 at 8:36am
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My parents, definitely not my IL's, I just dont feel comfortable with them, so wouldnt want to leave my kids to them, theres quite a few reasons why I feel that way.
My parents are great with the kids and the kids know them so well, as they see them everyday. If my parents couldnt then I would want them to go to my brother. ------------- |
Posted By: B,E&Rsmum
Date Posted: 22 September 2010 at 11:12am
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Dh sat down and talked about this long and hard as well.
My DS has a diff father and would go to him. ( unfortunately, he has alot of growing up to do and is 30 ), but I would stipulate that my mother also be a guardian ( if she can be ) cos I know she would keep the father in line, and cos I know she will make sure all the other family on my side gets visitation and holidays etc. With DD and the one on the way, we have stated that they would live with DH's parents because they are more financially stable, but that both sets of my parents ( divorced and remarried ), still get a say in any important matters and of course get holidays etc. At the moment none of our siblings are ready to take on that kind of responsibility. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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