TT again - what is the norm?

I just had a big upset with my Mum re: toilet training. She stated that she has been very concerned for months that Elle is not toilet trained.

She claims that when I was a child ALL children were 100% toilet trained soon after their 1st birthday (me and my sister by 14 months). According to her it is easier to get them to do poo's on the toilet than wee's and I should've been putting her on the potty for poos since she was able to sit up.

She also said that children ALWAYS wear nappies in between trips to the potty until they are totally dry and THEN you use knickers. She said it is extreme , unnecessary and wrong to take their nappies of and leave them in knickers or bare bottomed when TT.

I came away from this discussion feeling very upset and inadequate.

Have I had it all wrong? Should I have done all the above and TT'ed Elle months ago?

Yeah Mum said that things must've swung as "EVERYONE" did it her way years ago. Not sure why we ended up so upset! Both of us in tears...duh!

I am just starting to make a big deal about the toilet as Elle has just started to recognise when she is wet.

I just feel stink as my mum is really upset :(

FionaS wrote: I am just starting to make a big deal about the toilet as Elle has just started to recognise when she is wet. I just feel stink as my mum is really upset :(

Don't. You both just think you are right, and IMHO, you are...

Do you know what. I think they tend to forget. Like honestly. I had this same discussion with Grants grandmother. Telling me her kids were totally potty trained at a year. Yeah right as if they will be able to take their pants of by themselves.

McKayla still doesnt go by herself and I have to take her to the toilet.

As soon as I put a nappy on her she just goes in it. So no way will they keep dry (or at least not this one). She started regressing a bit during winter and that is why I take her now and she will gladly go then but she says it is too cold so will leave her bare bottom in summer.

I even had it from my MIL that I should start feeding my 2 week old porridge and that it wont do any harm as she fed Grant when he was 2 days old porridge and by 2 weeks he was eating curry. Sorry but not going to fly with me.

Just realise that they will always be different in the parenting style and learn to say yeah yeah yeah and do exactly what you want then or tell them straight off to butt out and deal with the consequences.

Really go with your gut feel. There is loads of kids that dont even think about potty training until 3 adn with some boys it is like 4 but then it happens really quickly. Others start at a year but have loads of accidents still.

Just go with the flow of YOUR CHILD.

FionaS wrote: LOL this post is probably more about me being upset about having an upset with my Mum than about TT . I hate conflict...esp when tears are involved

 

Ah... that's called emotional blackmail.  Some mums are particularly good at it (my DHs mum for one).

I have always thought my MIL was a very sweet lady and I've always got on really well with her but since living with her I've noticed the way she plays my DH and gets her own way by making him feel guilty.

I actually think they do it subconsciously, I think if they stopped and thought about what they were doing and how it makes their kids feel they'd probably be horrifed by themselves and yet they employ those tactics anyway.

 

ETA: sorry about the thread jack

 

 

Edited by MrsMojo

I just asked Mum and she reckons my brother was her youngest one TTed and he was 2, the rest of us were slower.

My mum said that plunket I think it was encouraged what they then called holding over/out (well something like that) from when a baby could sit. This meant putting them over the toilet or potty and waiting until they went. There are pics of me on the potty really young but I still wasn't trained until much later.

My MIL is horrified that my SIL's boys have taken so long to TT. One still has accidents and hes 4.5.

Leah likes to sit on the toilet and everytime I change her she asks to go wees, she will on the odd occasion go, but thats more fluke of timing at this stage. I'm not worring about it properly until it gets warmer and the whole new baby thing has settled down as well.

Just remember, she is YOUR child and these are your decisions on how to raise her and what you want to do. Let mum have her opinion but do what you are doing.

Thanks everyone. Like I mentioned, I think I was just upset about Mum being upset (she is prone to that though). We didn't argue as such, she just got really upset with me

Elle actually asked for the toilet tonight, "toilet pweese mummy" and I thought "yipee...she's gonna toilet train herself!" but no, she just sat there then told her dog to go to the toilet and then left without doing anything. Oh well, at least she is getting the idea!!

Yes I should've followed Debs advice. Silly, silly me. Now she isn't speaking to me and claims she is going to stay away from us permanently.

She is very interested in the toilet so we are heading the right way and I am in no rush. I firmly believe she will get it when she is ready.

The liddle wee knickers are sooooooooooooo cute though!