TT again - what is the norm?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19252
Printed Date: 23 July 2025 at 12:39pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: TT again - what is the norm?
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: TT again - what is the norm?
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 1:59pm
|
I just had a big upset with my Mum re: toilet training. She stated that she has been very concerned for months that Elle is not toilet trained.
She claims that when I was a child ALL children were 100% toilet trained soon after their 1st birthday (me and my sister by 14 months). According to her it is easier to get them to do poo's on the toilet than wee's and I should've been putting her on the potty for poos since she was able to sit up. She also said that children ALWAYS wear nappies in between trips to the potty until they are totally dry and THEN you use knickers. She said it is extreme , unnecessary and wrong to take their nappies of and leave them in knickers or bare bottomed when TT. I came away from this discussion feeling very upset and inadequate. Have I had it all wrong? Should I have done all the above and TT'ed Elle months ago? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Replies:
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:07pm
|
No, not at al. That is really the old school way of thinking, more mummy training that potty training if you get my drift.
I left Jake till he was ready himself, and we have had next to no accidents and he's been wearing undies daily since easter. Whe they are a bit older they get the concept of not weeing etc in udies a bit better, also if they wet then they know, with nappies they don't really. Its up to you. In my mums day it was the same as your mum said, she keeps reminding me about that, but aknowledges things are different today. ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:10pm
|
Yeah Mum said that things must've swung as "EVERYONE" did it her way years ago. Not sure why we ended up so upset! Both of us in tears...duh! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: CuriousG
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:11pm
Ummmm...obviously, according to your Mum, I did it all wrong. But funny thing is, Charlotte is dry 99% of the time with only a couple of accidents and has been for about 6-7 months....coincidence? 
Seriously, she is YOUR daughter, do it YOUR way! Things aren't the same as they used to be and sure as sh*t, they won't be when Elle has kids either. (just try to remember that when offering her advice about toilet training - lol)! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:14pm
|
I am just starting to make a big deal about the toilet as Elle has just started to recognise when she is wet.
I just feel stink as my mum is really upset :( ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:15pm
|
Fiona, most children aren't ready to be TT'd until at least 2 yo, many will start when their 3yo. As Fattartsrock said the method your mum used is more about mummy training, than toilet training. It can be very stressful and take a lot longer to toilet train if you start too early. I've also found using nappies, or pullups confused Michaela as she thought it was ok to go in those (as we've trained them to since they were born). I know of people who have put their children on the potty since they could sit and it worked for them but just because some people do it one way and it worked for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone, every child is different and there is no right way to do it. If you are now thinking seriously about toilet training check out the huggies site, they've got some really good tips. -------------  
|
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:25pm
Don't. You both just think you are right, and IMHO, you are... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
FionaS wrote:Posted By: jack_&_charli
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:33pm
|
IMHO...there's no point trying to TT a child until they are ready........
we started with jack when he was about 2.5yrs. we had to stop and leave it for a month because he just wasn't quite ready and it wasn't working well. he's just started going without night naps in the last month or so. i'm going to get charli some knickers tomorrow as she likes to sit on the toilet and hates when her nappy is wet....so will see how it goes for 2wks, then leave it for a month and try again if it's not working. ------------- http://www.alternatickers.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: SMoody
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:48pm
|
Do you know what. I think they tend to forget. Like honestly. I had this same discussion with Grants grandmother. Telling me her kids were totally potty trained at a year. Yeah right as if they will be able to take their pants of by themselves.
McKayla still doesnt go by herself and I have to take her to the toilet. As soon as I put a nappy on her she just goes in it. So no way will they keep dry (or at least not this one). She started regressing a bit during winter and that is why I take her now and she will gladly go then but she says it is too cold so will leave her bare bottom in summer. I even had it from my MIL that I should start feeding my 2 week old porridge and that it wont do any harm as she fed Grant when he was 2 days old porridge and by 2 weeks he was eating curry. Sorry but not going to fly with me. Just realise that they will always be different in the parenting style and learn to say yeah yeah yeah and do exactly what you want then or tell them straight off to butt out and deal with the consequences. Really go with your gut feel. There is loads of kids that dont even think about potty training until 3 adn with some boys it is like 4 but then it happens really quickly. Others start at a year but have loads of accidents still. Just go with the flow of YOUR CHILD.  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
|
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 2:49pm
|
LOL this post is probably more about me being upset about having an upset with my Mum than about TT . I hate conflict...esp when tears are involved ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 3:05pm
|
Ah... that's called emotional blackmail. Some mums are particularly good at it (my DHs mum for one). I have always thought my MIL was a very sweet lady and I've always got on really well with her but since living with her I've noticed the way she plays my DH and gets her own way by making him feel guilty. I actually think they do it subconsciously, I think if they stopped and thought about what they were doing and how it makes their kids feel they'd probably be horrifed by themselves and yet they employ those tactics anyway.
ETA: sorry about the thread jack
-------------
|
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 3:07pm
|
a tip for dealing with mums when it comes to discussions about our kids... always nod, smile, go hmmm, i might try that, thanks, more smiles.... then go home and do what you want.
oh and i thnk kids were TT earlier "back in their day" so that their parents didnt have to wash all those nappies...  ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 4:03pm
|
I just asked Mum and she reckons my brother was her youngest one TTed and he was 2, the rest of us were slower. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
|
Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 4:34pm
|
Mum has also told me the same thing as yours. Maybe the trend was just different then. Try not to be upset - conflict is hard I know. Maybe you can just give your Mum a call later. You both were just saying your opinions and it is so easy for things to end up bigger than they should have. You will both be sorry and upset.
Take care. |
Posted By: LeahandJoel
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 6:30pm
|
My mum said that plunket I think it was encouraged what they then called holding over/out (well something like that) from when a baby could sit. This meant putting them over the toilet or potty and waiting until they went. There are pics of me on the potty really young but I still wasn't trained until much later. My MIL is horrified that my SIL's boys have taken so long to TT. One still has accidents and hes 4.5. Leah likes to sit on the toilet and everytime I change her she asks to go wees, she will on the odd occasion go, but thats more fluke of timing at this stage. I'm not worring about it properly until it gets warmer and the whole new baby thing has settled down as well. Just remember, she is YOUR child and these are your decisions on how to raise her and what you want to do. Let mum have her opinion but do what you are doing. -------------  
 
|
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 6:54pm
|
Funny I find this post ...We just got back from my Dad's Step-Mums ...she's 90 and very pushy with her ideas on parenting!
In actual fact we had the SAME conversation as you have mentioned above minus the tears ...apparently Lucas should have been on the potty for months now (way before his 1st birthday....she was horrified when she realised I was changing a nappy  ....AND I should be enrolling him in Kindy so that he can start after his 2nd Birthday -wtf is that all about?
You do walk away feeling a little inadequate, I hate being picked at to the extent where I feel like such a failure as a mother! THEN near the end my Aunty pipes up how my grandparents (from other side) and great aunts all rave about how much of a good mother I am and that I've really grown up .....go figure. You're doing an amazing job with Elle darl, and tbh most kids I know are TT between the ages of 2 and 3 ...with the exception to a couple of wacky friends who start sticking their kids on a potty at 8 or 9 months and then b*tch about having to clean up poo off their carpet ...pfft! Chin up hun, you're an amazing mother. Keep doing what your doing, Elle is a beautiful wee girl and as for your Mum, you are bound to butt heads from time to time. ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 7:40pm
Thanks everyone. Like I mentioned, I think I was just upset about Mum being upset (she is prone to that though). We didn't argue as such, she just got really upset with me 
Elle actually asked for the toilet tonight, "toilet pweese mummy" and I thought "yipee...she's gonna toilet train herself!" but no, she just sat there then told her dog to go to the toilet  and then left without doing anything. Oh well, at least she is getting the idea!! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 8:09pm
|
The first step is understanding what goes on in the toilet so she's definitely making progress. Just give her plenty of encouragement and no stress. That's what we did and Caitlin is now completely dry (I'm so proud!!!)
I hate conflict too and I can't agree more with Debs' comment about smile, nod, agree, then do what you want to do! It's the ONLY way that works lol ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
|
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 8:37pm
|
Yes I should've followed Debs advice. Silly, silly me. Now she isn't speaking to me and claims she is going to stay away from us permanently.
She is very interested in the toilet so we are heading the right way and I am in no rush. I firmly believe she will get it when she is ready. The liddle wee knickers are sooooooooooooo cute though! 
------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 18 July 2008 at 10:11pm
|
TBH, I initally started trying to TT jake when he was 2, and it soon became clear it was ME who was ready, not him... When he asked to go to the toilet one morning after swimming when he was 2y 9m (although he had been using potty after his afternoon sleeps for ages) I put him in undies the next day and it was all good. I'm pleased I ended up waiting till HE was ready.... ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |