What to do with an unplanned pregnancy

Its not helpful, but I just wanted to offer a (((HUG))).

Sounds like you're in a difficult position - whatever you decide I hope it all turns out ok for you.

Hey,

I also wanted to offer a

Even people that try to conceive often panic and think what have we got ourselves into. We weren't not trying, but when it happened I still panicked big time and entertained some of the thoughts you're going through.

I hope you find a solution that you can live with

Hi lemongirl. I couldn't read and run, I'll tell you a bit about my beautiful daughter and how she came to us.

I'd been with my boyfriend for 9months, and he and I had decided to move to australia so he would be able to pay off some of his (massive) debt. He had been offered a job there. We decided that it would be easiest if he flew over a couple of weeks before me to find a place. We had some fond goodbyes, I drove him to the airport, and off he flew while I stayed here (still working) and settled all the loose ends. My period never arrived, so two weeks after he got on the plane to another country, I was in the bathroom testing. It was positive. We had used protection, hadn't even discussed having kids yet, and I was all alone. I rang him that night and told him I was pregnant, and that I had made the decision to keep it. He could make the choice - to be a family, or to be single with a child he could visit anytime he wanted. I would come to australia if he still wanted me and our child, or he could free. He chose to be a dad and I flew over to Oz and got a job within a few days of getting off the plane, I moved into the apartment he had found for us, and I worked (saving hard) right up until 2 days before I flew home at 36ish weeks. Fortunatly DP was able to start back at his old job a week after being back in NZ. We're still together, and my man loves his little unplanned bundle of joy with all his heart. Money is extremely tight, we live in a cheap rental in a bad nieghbourhood because thats all we can afford once all the debt repayments come out, but we have everything we need.

grrr stupid first message didn't post...but the gist of it was that you should get some counselling with a non biased person to discuss options...most of us suckers on here are a little on the clucky side ;-)

I can understand being nervous about coping financially but it is surprising how you can get by if you need to...and most first timers are super nervous about the whole thing even us who have been trying for ages and are more than ready. Freaks me out all the time wondering how we will cope and we don't have any financial difficulties :-)

**hugs**...I dont have much to add except that I wish you all the best, whatever you decide to do..xx

Have no advice just wanted to give a huge hug.

Haha well I'm sharing my 'horror' story too - I found out I was pregnant about the time I decided to leave my abusive hubby. Talk about freak out. I had no access to our accounts, wasn't allowed use of the car without his permission, bore the brunt of his upset when he didn't have enough $$ for alcohol, petrol to visit his mates, enough $$ to buy the latest gadget, I'm sure you get the picture. I was also a punching bag physically, mentally and emotionally. I think the only thing that kept me from having an abortion was the belief my baby was alive from conception. Just to be clear I'm absolutely not doing the whole pro-life spiel I'm just explaining what swung the balance for me.
I've since gone through a pretty bad separation, the adventure of being a single mum, the nightmare of PND and the lovely experience of being in a healthy balanced relationship. We're now expecting number 2 who was planned and we're still freaking out. I adore my son even though its definitely complicated things,

Babies are a blessing once they get here but they're also hard work and change your life. I hope you're able to make the best decision for you hun. I second whoever suggested telling your DP though.

Big Hugs xOx

ETA between having Jake and this sticky bub I had approx 4 miscarriages and they were really tough even though I was relieved (still feel a tad bad about that part) so I can only imagine how difficult a termination would be! It something to consider - there are definite emotional and physical ramifications of a miscarriage so I'd assume it'd be the same but worse with an abortion.

Edited by Babe

I was in a bad way as well. Our twins were completely unplanned in fact we had just sold all of our belongings to move back to NZ from a year in Oz. We had debt and everything we own fit into 2 backpacks

Anyway we found out a week before we were due to come home. All we did for that week was cry. We discussed termination more than once but in the end we decided it wasn't for us. So we moved home and lived with my parents for a month while we looked for a house and jobs. Then just as we were getting used to the idea of one baby we find out it's twins! So we spent another week crying lol.

In the end we survived it and now we wonder how we could have ever thought it wouldn't work. We have a great house on the beach and Jess has been promoted 3 times in the last 2 years. We are doing really well and our kids are our absolute world. In fact I know count my blessings everyday that we didn't terminate because twins are so awesome and who knows what the chances of conceiving identical twins again would have been. (slim to none I'm guessing)

You have to do whats right for you and I would never judge someone that decides to terminate as we came so close ourselves. We are completely pro-choice. I justed wanted to share our story because I was truly amazed at what a great support network of friends and family we suddenly had. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a mother on here that it didn't work out for no matter what the circumstance. We were in the worst position and now I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

Best of luck whatever you decide lemongirl It's such a massive decision but what ever you choose it will be right for you. Trust yourself to make the right decision.

Also be aware that because it's a baby forum, most of us went through with the pregnancies - so have advice to offer if thats the way you wish to go

Hugs to you and hope you find your decision.

My little story, a very not planned pregnancy. Agonised for weeks about what to do. Even had an appointment booked for a termination. Then stopped getting influenced by my mum (she did not want me to have a kid so early (im 24! lol not really a young mum) but yea deep inside i knew i did want a baby, but i didnt want to give up my life and things i enjoyed. Partner was really supportive and we are now blessed with our wee man.   He does everything with us, he comes motor racing and all sorts. Cant imagine life without him now.