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kelzie_rose View Drop Down
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Joined: 13 January 2010
Location: North Shore
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    Posted: 21 September 2011 at 8:55pm
Does anyone else have a hubby that refuses to have sex?

Mine is a little nervous, understandable after our three miscarriages - but I'm not getting kisses or anything. But he doesn't even seem interested, and doesn't seem to be gutted that he's not getting any action.

It might be hormones making me randy and simultaneously depressed, but I look and feel as big as a whale, and hubby just isn't into me.

You also hear about guys who think pregnant ladies are sexy and I just don't think he looks at me as sexy anymore. And I miss kissing. And this is just going to get worse when the kid comes along, right?

And so now I'm getting "He must be getting action elsewhere" thoughts going through my head :'(


Started TTC Apr 2008
With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus

Our angel babies
Jan 2010 <3
Oct 2010 <3
Apr 2011 <3
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Babe View Drop Down
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Joined: 21 May 2007
Location: New Zealand
Points: 2936 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Babe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2011 at 9:26pm
Hugs hun!!! My DH had some freaked out issues where he wouldn't come near me with DS2 after multiple MCs and the whole gonna hit the baby in the head with my uh man bits thing. I had similar worries as you but turns out he just switched himself right off in an attempt to be protective. We worked through it and it all fine but AFAIK its a fairly common issue with guys. Talk to him maybe? Tell him how important it is to you to feel connected to him as you grow his baby? My DH needed to hear that he was still a really important part of the process.

As for what happens after baby arrives - in my experience it has alot to do with what *I* want to happen and how available I make myself to him and his needs (emotional not just physical - my DH needs quality time which is sometimes hard to prioritise round a NB but its just as important!!).

HTH

ETA missed part of a sentence

Edited by Babe
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CrazyCass View Drop Down
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Joined: 13 August 2010
Location: Rotorua
Points: 810 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CrazyCass Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2011 at 7:44am
Know how you feel bout the man Kelzie!

As soon as I had a bit of a belly and it started 'popping' DH was immediately turned off He said before he knew I was hapu but couldn't see it as such & we weren't feeling bubs move.... BUT as soon as my belly was poking out & we were regularly feeling bubs move his perception of me completly changed. I also get hardly any kisses - but a TONNE of cuddles.

We did talk about it and it was good to know where he was coming from, and how he was feeling - he said at the moment he almost doesnt see the 'sexy wife' he married in Feb BUT he see's the transformation of me becoming a mother to his child which he is in aww (sp?) of He just wants to cuddle & protect me & his bubs.

We've already discussed that at the birth he wont be 'down there' as he doesn't want it to affect his perception of me (iygwim?) which I'm not fussed on cause I know on the day it could all change

Have a chat with Neil and explain how you feel, and you could be surprised at how he's reacting to the situation seeing as you've both wanted this for so long

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buzylizy View Drop Down
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Points: 257 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote buzylizy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2011 at 1:25pm
crazycass...be really careful at the birth. My husband didn't want to see the action either and had to end up holding my legs up and there was no hiding from it. I was a little upset about it. He was fine afterwards and by the time we could o it again he was back to himself. But if it something he is concerned about make sure he is prepared to really focus on not looking no matter what happens cause it is really hard not to see stuff.
Don't want to put you off. Just warning you.
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CrazyCass View Drop Down
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Points: 810 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CrazyCass Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2011 at 1:35pm
Yup no worries - I'm more than happy for DH to 'see it all', its him who wants to stand back a bit... but in saying that I KNOW he'll be in boots and all to help in anyway he can if I'm struggling or need help with something

I guess just given the chance he doesn't want to

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Brunettie86 View Drop Down
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Points: 232 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brunettie86 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 September 2011 at 5:19pm
Ohhh Kelzie I have been feeling and going through the exact same stuff - we haven't had to endure any losses thankfully - I just can't understand what is wrong.

A lot of the men at work and ladies too said when their wives etc. were pregnant they thought they were gorgeous and couldn't keep their hands off them, that just made me feel even worse.

I tried asking DH why everything has fizzled up - we have had sex once since conceiving very early on and that has been it! He said he doesn't want to hurt bubs and just thinks it's weird. I tried explaining that having sex is important to me so I do feel connected and beautiful... nothing has changed.

I then started with the stupid thoughts about him and the new neighbour (we are rural - she happens to be a single good looking farm girl) because why else would he just not be interested in sex. I too have had almost zilch on the kisses and cuddles on the couch front too. It almost made me wonder why we decided to start a family if we can't even keep our relationship together during pregancny let alone when bubs arrives.
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