My SIL is having her baby soon.

:( I'm sorry you have been treated that way too...twice..just know they are the ones who are pathetic and obviously not been through something so upsetting:( I've had a missed mc and a natural mc and I felt the same as well.. I'm not sure if i worked through it or getting preg with Ethan helped but I didnt get access to counselling and realised way too late when i got PND/depression a while after having Ethan that it stemmed from this..

my friend and workmate had her baby a few weeks after i lost mine and it was so hard..i did force myself to confront it but i felt similar feelings to you I just figured that it wasn't her fault I lost the baby and I wouldn't want her to be angry and upset about facing me if it were the other way round.. :(

anyway having been there i know how much it sucks and I hope things get better soon for you x

PND and depression is something we have no control over, and people with depression can be and are often the best mums out there. So I'm sure nobody is thinking that you don't have the right to have a baby. The two things are often totally unrelated.

I don't know if there are safe anti-depressants out there, but I know there are a lot of pregnant people out there on anti-depressants who have totally healthy babies. So there must be. Try googling it and seeing what other people have to say on the topic. You might find a relevant forum just for that topic. There's another NZ website with forums http://www2.everybody.co.nz/forum/ubbthreads.php/forums/7/1/Miscarriage which may have something useful. Also, have you tried emailing one of the experts on this site (Ask Our Experts)? They may be able to answer some of your questions, or even put you on the right track for the information you're after. So have a look and see if there's anything there.

I think the important thing here is that you have recognised that there are some issues that need addressing and are trying to get help for them. That is a huge thing in itself, so good on you. Many people either can't recognise it, or refuse to do anything about it. So your head is in the right place which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the people out there that are supposed to be there to help haven't done their job, and so you're having to fight to get help. That's not on.

Have you tried ringing the phone number that's on the TV with the John Kirwin ads?? I don't even know what it is now, but it's mental health services of some sort...I just googled it and found the website http://www.depression.org.nz/?gclid=CKO1uJ2XmaECFRsVawodHnEDZA
The phone number is 0800 111 757
It's all about depression so maybe this could be a good starting point for you. I'm sure if you explain your circumstances, and that you've been to 2 GPs to try and get help and they have basically told you to harden up, they will be able to help in some way, whether it's recommend the right services for you or recommend a good counselling service... I don't know. But I just think you're doing an awesome job by trying to get to grips with your situation and actively trying to help yourself.

BTW, I love your signature thingee (...too beautiful for earth). I'm going to put that in my memory book for my angel baby. It makes something horrible a little bit happier, if you know what I mean.

All the best and let us know how you get on with it all.



Edited by kellyd

kellyd wrote: PND and depression is something we have no control over, and people with depression can be and are often the best mums out there. So I'm sure nobody is thinking that you don't have the right to have a baby. The two things are often totally unrelated. I don't know if there are safe anti-depressants out there, but I know there are a lot of pregnant people out there on anti-depressants who have totally healthy babies. So there must be. Try googling it and seeing what other people have to say on the topic. You might find a relevant forum just for that topic. There's another NZ website with forums http://www2.everybody.co.nz/forum/ubbthreads.php/forums/7/1/Miscarriage which may have something useful. Also, have you tried emailing one of the experts on this site (Ask Our Experts)? They may be able to answer some of your questions, or even put you on the right track for the information you're after. So have a look and see if there's anything there. I think the important thing here is that you have recognised that there are some issues that need addressing and are trying to get help for them. That is a huge thing in itself, so good on you. Many people either can't recognise it, or refuse to do anything about it. So your head is in the right place which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the people out there that are supposed to be there to help haven't done their job, and so you're having to fight to get help. That's not on. Have you tried ringing the phone number that's on the TV with the John Kirwin ads?? I don't even know what it is now, but it's mental health services of some sort...I just googled it and found the website http://www.depression.org.nz/?gclid=CKO1uJ2XmaECFRsVawodHnEDZA The phone number is 0800 111 757 It's all about depression so maybe this could be a good starting point for you. I'm sure if you explain your circumstances, and that you've been to 2 GPs to try and get help and they have basically told you to harden up, they will be able to help in some way, whether it's recommend the right services for you or recommend a good counselling service... I don't know. But I just think you're doing an awesome job by trying to get to grips with your situation and actively trying to help yourself. BTW, I love your signature thingee (...too beautiful for earth). I'm going to put that in my memory book for my angel baby. It makes something horrible a little bit happier, if you know what I mean. All the best and let us know how you get on with it all.

Hi Kellyd,

Thank you!
I did ring the phone number awhile ago and they told me to go to the doctor, which I did.. the doctor I spoke about before. it's actually Life line.
So now I just have to find a doctor that I trust : )

Do you want me to send you the code for the signature thingy?

Jacindarella, firstly, I am so sorry for your loss.

Your story touched me because I felt much the same when my sister fell pregnant after I had been trying to conceive without success for a long time. I instantly formed a terrible jealousy and can quite honestly say that I hated her for a time. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you having had a child in your womb and having that taken away, and having to cope with a close family member having a baby.

Re antidepressants - I am currently PG and take the cipromil antidepressant . I have been on it for 8 years - I have never been hugely depressed but do suffer from mild depression when not taking medication. When I made the decision to have a baby, I weighed up with my doctor whether to stay on it or not, while I was TTC, but as I had a really long and rough journey with conceiving, I stayed on it for my mental sanity. We decided to review that once I fell PG.

My doctor has advised me to stay on it while PG and breastfeeding as well, as there is no evidence to say that it DOES harm a baby, and she believes it is far better for the Mum to be emotionally healthy throughout the pregnancy, than not. She said she has plenty of patients who have given birth to healthy babies whilst on antidepressants, and not seen any adverse effects. My midwife has also said that she has not seen any problems from her patients who have been taking anti-depressants while pregnant.

To be on the safe side I have cut down to taking the pill every 2nd day and finding that sufficient to keep away my blues and stay mentally well.

Every now and then I question if I should keep taking it but I figure I will be no use to my baby if I am unhappy and depressed.

I don't think you should look at it that you are not allowed to have a baby just because you need to take antidepressants. SOOO many people take them that they may as well put them in our water system! The other thing you could do is take them now to assist you during your grief, and then once you fall PG again, try to cut down or eliminate then if you feel bad taking them.

Good luck and do what feels right for you.

and don't be too hard on yourself for how you feel about your BIL and his partner. Just look out for yourself, they will have plenty of other well wishers when the baby comes.

Edited by frankie

frankie wrote: Jacindarella, firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. Your story touched me because I felt much the same when my sister fell pregnant after I had been trying to conceive without success for a long time. I instantly formed a terrible jealousy and can quite honestly say that I hated her for a time. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you having had a child in your womb and having that taken away, and having to cope with a close family member having a baby. Re antidepressants - I am currently PG and take the cipromil antidepressant . I have been on it for 8 years - I have never been hugely depressed but do suffer from mild depression when not taking medication. When I made the decision to have a baby, I weighed up with my doctor whether to stay on it or not, while I was TTC, but as I had a really long and rough journey with conceiving, I stayed on it for my mental sanity. We decided to review that once I fell PG. My doctor has advised me to stay on it while PG and breastfeeding as well, as there is no evidence to say that it DOES harm a baby, and she believes it is far better for the Mum to be emotionally healthy throughout the pregnancy, than not. She said she has plenty of patients who have given birth to healthy babies whilst on antidepressants, and not seen any adverse effects. My midwife has also said that she has not seen any problems from her patients who have been taking anti-depressants while pregnant. To be on the safe side I have cut down to taking the pill every 2nd day and finding that sufficient to keep away my blues and stay mentally well. Every now and then I question if I should keep taking it but I figure I will be no use to my baby if I am unhappy and depressed. I don't think you should look at it that you are not allowed to have a baby just because you need to take antidepressants. SOOO many people take them that they may as well put them in our water system! The other thing you could do is take them now to assist you during your grief, and then once you fall PG again, try to cut down or eliminate then if you feel bad taking them. Good luck and do what feels right for you. and don't be too hard on yourself for how you feel about your BIL and his partner. Just look out for yourself, they will have plenty of other well wishers when the baby comes.

Thank you Frankie, It's nice to know That I'm not the only one to ever feel this way!

Thank you everyone for your support!

It gave me the strength to do what I needed to do

I went to the doctor and he put me on Anti depressants, So I'm now on Citalopram which I have been on before (I wasn't sure about them because they were so evil to get off last time) but the doctor says they are the safest. I knew I had to.. I was just digging in my toes.
Apart from the terrible side effects of getting on them, I am starting to feel a little better emotionally
Once these side effects wear off, I'll be able to think clearly and decide what to do from here.

Again, thank you all for your kind words, support and kicks up the bum