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Princess_Bubs View Drop Down
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Joined: 17 February 2010
Location: North Shore, Auckland
Points: 640 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Princess_Bubs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 March 2010 at 11:10am
I couldn't agree more! The dumb comments just add to the heartbreak.

I have lost alot of faith in the medical profession over the past few weeks - Surely they should show more empathy even if they do deal with this sad stuff all the time. I've met some amazing people too though (Like my midwive - Denise Johnson, I cant say enough about how divine she is!) But I feel really let down by my GP and the first radiographer.

I've listened to so many stupid comments. I've been with my partner for 4.5 years and have a happy and stable relationship! When I got pregnant I got "oooohhhh but you're not married - How awful" from numerous people . Is it 1950 ?

Then I go through all the pain of a miscarriage and I've had "Oh well, now you've got time to get married before you try again" "If you were married this wouldn't have happened" and "Ah well It wasn't totally planned so it's not a big deal" " It was only a group of cells"

Um no - These people are just so insensitive! From the moment I saw those 2 lines I loved my baby, I had so many hopes and dreams for him or her.

For the past 8 years I've talked about (and to be honest, obsessed about) how much I can't wait to have a baby. I nannied for 4 years , and at 27 years old I still babysit!!! Because I love children so much.

These "Don't have a clue's" need to learn some tact
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jo1979 View Drop Down
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Joined: 18 July 2009
Location: Auckland
Points: 532 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jo1979 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 March 2010 at 2:56pm
I can't believe anyone would suggest if you were married it wouldn't have happened!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And "group of cells" is such a ridiculous thing to say. Isn't that all any of us are?!
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Princess_Bubs View Drop Down
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Joined: 17 February 2010
Location: North Shore, Auckland
Points: 640 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Princess_Bubs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 March 2010 at 4:03pm
Thanks Jo - You totally get me!!
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Shadowdance View Drop Down
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Points: 236 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shadowdance Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 April 2010 at 4:36pm
I remember when I had miscarriage after miscarriage and the pain I felt with all the comments that were said. My sister in law had a new baby at the time of our first loss and I was told to 'get over it, you're hurting *****'s feelings' - that to me broke my heart all over again because it just showed how insignificant I was to others.....as was our baby we'd just lost.

However some of the comments.....'maybe it was for the best', 'miscarriages are common' etc etc are peoples way of trying to help believe it or not.
After our first m/c I lost the plot but then decided to do something about it, so I created my own website for those that had been through a loss...because I'm sorry but if you haven't had a m/c then you DON'T understand, no matter how much you might try and sympathise.
As a result I found myself on the other side....people needed to hear 'something' from me and sometimes I just didn't have a clue on what to say and I felt terrible for it because I wanted so much to make them feel better....but that damn magic wand just didn't want to work.

So sometimes, yes it is a case of ignorance...but sometimes it is just a case of people want so much to help......but can't so say silly stuff.
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EcoMummy View Drop Down
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Joined: 20 October 2009
Location: Auckland
Points: 538 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EcoMummy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 May 2010 at 10:16am
After my second MC a good friend at work (who had a sick screaming baby so I can forgive her non-thinking comment) said "well at least you don't have to deal with the nappies and sleepless nights" - I almost stole her baby right then! - guess what - would rather have sleepless nights from a ill baby than from lying awake wondering why it didn't work.
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