Arghh hes so naughty!

Im at my wits end with DS! He is so naughty and it doesnt matter what I try he is still naughty.

He hits, yells, throws things, bites on occasion, pulls DD's hair, pinches! He very rarely listens to me, I have tried all sort of forms of dicipline to no avail, Im sick of yelling and Im getting super stressed about it all My PND is creeping back because Im not really coping with it all.

Eveyrthing is funny to him and that makes me madder! right now he is in time out on the naughty met and kicking the wall(he ripped Bellas little necklace off her neck and broke it) and this was after pulling her off the couch by her TShirt *sigh*

He can be such a sweet boy as well, and he is so bright and clever, and daycare said he is really really good there! Just at home, he is a lil ratbag!

I know most of it is probably normal 2-3 year old stuff, but its getitng me down as I have a 17 month old that starting to do the same, you know monkey see monkey do

Any tips?? Before I go bald from ripping my hair out

what we do in our house is tell the naughty child that the bahaviour isnt acceptable - in a firmer deeper but not yelling voice - and then immediatley remove them from the room. To me this is just putting them in their room and pulling the door to and walking away. then the offended child gets lots of attention. the "naughty" child will usually immediatley follow (but i ignore them and carry on ) but unless there is an apology they go back to their room.

I suppose the other thing is reinforcing nice touching.

Have you asked the daycare what form of punishment they use? perhaps you can use that at home too.

Grrr, it's sooooo frustrating isn't it?  I've caught myself acting like a two year old loads of times   ... toddlers really know how to wind up parents huh?

One thing I always forget about in the heat of the moment, but remember later, is that getting negative attention is just their way of getting some form of attention from me.  A horrible way of saying "spend time with me Mummy!".  I have to constantly remind myself to dish out positive comments and praise good behaviour, while trying my best to ignore bad behaviour that isn't dangerous/causing harm to siblings/property etc.  Unfortunately I seem to have a natural tendency to criticise or sound overly negative, so find it difficult to keep the balance right (they recommend saying 10 positive things to every 1 negative thing or something, don't they?).  We definitely have better days when I conciously try to start out on the right foot from the time we get up in the morning and spend quality one-on-one time with DS before getting distracted with housework etc.

Sheza - for some behaviour we do not give a warning. If either girl hits, bites scratches or pulls hair, I pick then up straight away and into their room. They are usually so shocked that it doesn't happen again for a while .

Have a look at the Diane Levy book "Of course I love you, now go to your room" It is pretty good and your library should have it.

The supernanny book (how to get the best out of your children) has a great section on how to do time out in a really effective way. She explains it all really well and when we started doing that, both me and dh doing it the same way, and being consistent with doing it each time my son's negative behaviours stopped pretty quickly. Like days! Peace reined. Until me and dh get slack and then things creep back in.

So i think she said to make a list of what behaviours are unacceptable and put them up somewhere, then have a set discipline for them ie time out. Tell the kids this (regardless of age). Time out is always to be done the same way.   If he laughs etc or has a good time in time out - fine, that is up to him. He has been removed from your family time because he did something negative. Usually if you ignore the laughing and playing etc it will annoy them.

I nannied many kids for years and tbh i never met a kid that wouldn't respect my authority if i was fair, firm and consistent. You can't let him wind you up cos then you'll act out of anger. Even if you are furious, do the time out as calmly as possible, and then go to your room and cry and scream etc. The time out is sometimes for us to calm down.   And if he is always seeing you getting angry then that is the behaviours you are modelling for him. Blimming hard tho - i have a hell of a temper and sometimes i just want to smack him tbh. Lucky for him i don't believe in it.

And yes ditto to the others try and give heaps of positive attention. So if you and dh/dp decide to get a handle on it, the week you do, plan lots of time for you and him into the days so it is just not constant negative all day long. And yes when he comes out of TO the punishment is done so even if you're still annoyed about it you have to let it go. He's done his time.

sometimes children can be such ratbags, well mine can I have had days like that and walking way and having 10 minutes out at the washing line can be very helpful
it is tough when they are close in age and in each others faces all the time.

good thread Sheza!! i needed to hear a lot of this - my almost 3 yr old is a blinkin nightmare at the moment
I like your post kakapo - it is hard to remember its just their way of saying spend time with me mummy
It hard with a baby and a toddler, Im not sure if she is being 2 or hating me for having another baby, but she told me she wanted to live with just Daddy and Porti cause I was mean to her

Will definately find that super nanny book!

Eek, the NO stage is horrible isn't it?  Sounds like you're doing well Sheza - it really is so hard to not get worked up. 

A good tip someone told me once is to try to always keep your tone low and calm when speaking with your toddler - easier said than done, I know .    The theory is that as a toddler starts to get frustrated the pitch of their tone gets higher (and their voice often gets louder as well as sounding more whingy) and unless you conciously make an effort not to, your own replies will follow their pitch / loudness etc.  You do have to keep your tone firm, and combining this method with distraction helps too.  Took me ages to learn how to do this effectively, as it's so easy to get sucked in to a yelling match lol, but it definitely does work for us . 

Hi Sheena.

Kaelen was a little terror when he was 2 and was mean to Isabella and just a real little sh*t in general. lol.

I didn't wanna take him out anywhere and like with Caden, nothing worked! I've noticed now that keeping calm does help. As hard as that can be! I've really noticed that how i react does make a big difference. When i get stressed and yell his behaviour escalates.

Heaps of people said 3 was even worse than 2 so i was so worried! lol. But he has actually calmed down and his behaviour has improved heaps.

I so know how you're feeling. Kaelen is still really full on.

Oh no Julz, and gosh it just gets worse too! but hopefully Amelia wont get any worse by 2 lol!!
Bella is a little madam too at times! She's lucky shes so lovely and cute most of the time

Caden has actually been so good the last week or so! He's been using his manners all on his own "thank you mummy" etc when I give him something, he's been listening a bit better, and he has reallly excelled in the TT! He's been doing 80% of his number 1's in the potty and asking to go, and he's done his first poo on the toilet this evening So proud of him!