Am I being selfish?

I am 25 weeks pregnant with baby number 3 for me and number 2 for DF. We decided that three was it and are both happy with that. I'm 38 now whilst DF is alot younger at 24.

I had my first appointment with the hospital obs last week. Because this will be c/s number 3 I was offered a tubal ligation which I turned down. Afterwards I mentioned it to DF and he wanted to know why I didn't say yes. Whilst this is my last baby I don't like the finality of getting it done. DF has a good point that it would be easier for them to just do it whilst they are in there rather than at a later date.

Hes not keen on getting a vasectomy at the moment which I wouldn't want him to do anyway for the same reason I don't want to get it done. Plus at his age I'm not sure doctors would agree to do it.

What we were/are planning to do is for me to get an IUD when baby is 6 weeks. But all this has got me thinking... am I being selfish?

The other thing to think about is if (god forbid, but it can and has happened before) something happened to one or more of your children, or you met someone new, and you changed your mind about not having more? I'm the same, #3 for me, #2 for DP on the way, and have been offered a TL due to caesar #3, and have yet to say yes/no as I'm just not sure. At the end of the day I probably will have it done as I know I wouldnt be able to cope with more than 3, emotionally or physically.

At least with an IUD it gives you up to 5 years to decide whether 3 really is enough as well.

Help, one of those operations is pretty permanant - there's no way I'd get it done unless I was 100% confident, with no doubts at all, that I didn't want more kids. It doesn't sound at all like you're there yet - so even if you don't end up having any more, I'd say nows not the time to make that call. I think you made the right decision

Another vote for not selfish. If you are worried about it being too final then it's not the right thing to do. Maybe you could suggest to your DF that you get the IUD and then after the 5 years is up if he is still sure he could have vasectomy then. 24 is pretty young to decide you don't want anymore and like others have said you just don't know what's around the corner.

Not selfish! It's such a hard and final decision to make, and TL are harder to reverse than Vsec's, I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong!)

I just had a Mirena put in and so far - only a couple of weeks as yet - I love it! My vote's for the Mirena :-)

MuppetsMama wrote: Not selfish! It's such a hard and final decision to make, and TL are harder to reverse than Vsec's, I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong!)

Yep that's correct

Interesting debate. This is our last child. I will be 39 when this one is born (assuming like the others it goes over...currently due days before my birthday) and I dont want to have any more after 40 but I still dont know about TL....I have wondered if I do that if this turns into a C/S. We kind of talked about DH getting a vasectomy. he is not keen but I have told him he needs to man up   We could try an IUD...but I am a bit scared of them. I dont really know what we will do. If its like the others we probably just wont have sex ever again LOL but I hope that doesnt happen.

My second was an emergency c-section so I am not planning a c-section for this one either. hoping like hell for a VBAC! so then it isnt an option at all. I am under an OB so I could always say to her "if it happens to be a CS please do TL"

Ouch calling you selfish is pretty harsh. Even if you are 100% sure you don't want to have anymore kids under any circumstance you still don't have to do anything to your body that you are not comfortable with.

I don't think you are being selfish at all.  You are just feeling how you feel.

I have decided 2 children is enough for me so if we are blessed to get preggers with another child I will have to have another c section.  Therefore I have decided to have my tubes done at the time.  That is my decision though as for me it will be easier to have it done at the time.  I'm 35 and like you have a DH who is 25 (yay for toyboys) and I don't expect him to have a vasectomy.  Not only the fact that he has a terrible needle phobia he is also young and well I know from experience anything can happen to the best of relationships and I guess if it did happen that he ended up with someone else I wouldn't want to deprive him of having another child.

I can see how the finality of it too would affect some people.  My friend has to have a hysterectomy when she's finished having children and she hates the thought of it.  Even though she knows she wont' need her uterus anymore its just that its "hers" so to speak. 

 

One of the main reasons I want to get my tubes tied is I'm sick of any form of contraception and the effect the pill etc has had on my body.