Am I being selfish?
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Topic: Am I being selfish?
Posted By: fallen
Subject: Am I being selfish?
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 4:25pm
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I am 25 weeks pregnant with baby number 3 for me and number 2 for DF. We decided that three was it and are both happy with that. I'm 38 now whilst DF is alot younger at 24.
I had my first appointment with the hospital obs last week. Because this will be c/s number 3 I was offered a tubal ligation which I turned down. Afterwards I mentioned it to DF and he wanted to know why I didn't say yes. Whilst this is my last baby I don't like the finality of getting it done. DF has a good point that it would be easier for them to just do it whilst they are in there rather than at a later date. Hes not keen on getting a vasectomy at the moment which I wouldn't want him to do anyway for the same reason I don't want to get it done. Plus at his age I'm not sure doctors would agree to do it. What we were/are planning to do is for me to get an IUD when baby is 6 weeks. But all this has got me thinking... am I being selfish? ------------- |
Replies:
Posted By: BriAndOlisMum
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 5:11pm
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I don't think you are being selfish at all. What happens if you have this baby and then in a year you still don't feel like your family is complete? -------------  http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 5:21pm
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The other thing to think about is if (god forbid, but it can and has happened before) something happened to one or more of your children, or you met someone new, and you changed your mind about not having more? I'm the same, #3 for me, #2 for DP on the way, and have been offered a TL due to caesar #3, and have yet to say yes/no as I'm just not sure. At the end of the day I probably will have it done as I know I wouldnt be able to cope with more than 3, emotionally or physically.
At least with an IUD it gives you up to 5 years to decide whether 3 really is enough as well. ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 5:55pm
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I don't think you are selfish. A TL or a vasectomy is so final IMO, no going back and changing your mind. There are so many unknowns about the future and I just wouldn't want to make a decision now that affects the furture with so much finality. Personally I wouldn't get a TL and would prefer DH not to get a vasectomy just in case. Anyway thats my 2cents ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 6:21pm
Help, one of those operations is pretty permanant - there's no way I'd get it done unless I was 100% confident, with no doubts at all, that I didn't want more kids. It doesn't sound at all like you're there yet - so even if you don't end up having any more, I'd say nows not the time to make that call. I think you made the right decision  -------------   
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 7:06pm
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I don't think its selfish, I have said this is our last baby....but I dont want to rule out never having another one, in 5 years if we find ourselves in a position where we want to extend our family I dont want to have that decision taken away from us.
And also for the reasons,as morbid as they are , that BK said ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 7:53pm
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Another vote for not selfish. If you are worried about it being too final then it's not the right thing to do. Maybe you could suggest to your DF that you get the IUD and then after the 5 years is up if he is still sure he could have vasectomy then. 24 is pretty young to decide you don't want anymore and like others have said you just don't know what's around the corner. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 8:22pm
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Not at all. I have 5 kids but I'm against us doing anything permanent at this stage because I'm not totally sure that we're done. We're just hitting our 30's. -------------  |
Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 8:24pm
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Not selfish! It's such a hard and final decision to make, and TL are harder to reverse than Vsec's, I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong!)
I just had a Mirena put in and so far - only a couple of weeks as yet - I love it! My vote's for the Mirena :-) |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 9:24pm
Agree! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Linzy wrote:Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 04 February 2011 at 9:31pm
Yep that's correct ------------- |
Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 7:56am
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Thank you for your wise words, ladies.
You've all pretty much put into words what I am thinking. DF hasn't pushed the subject but I don't think he sees it as such a big deal. So if he does bring it up again we're going to have to discuss it further. Thank you. ------------- |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 7:59am
Interesting debate. This is our last child. I will be 39 when this one is born (assuming like the others it goes over...currently due days before my birthday) and I dont want to have any more after 40 but I still dont know about TL....I have wondered if I do that if this turns into a C/S. We kind of talked about DH getting a vasectomy. he is not keen but I have told him he needs to man up We could try an IUD...but I am a bit scared of them. I dont really know what we will do. If its like the others we probably just wont have sex ever again LOL but I hope that doesnt happen.
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Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 8:25am
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NZPiper, have your other births been c/s? If they have it sounds like its common practice for you to be offered one. I've always said no more babies after 40 too.
I wonder if the doctors would do it if someone requested one during an emergency c/s. Or if someone suddenly decided yes say the day of an elective. And if there is some sort of councilling you have to go though before hand. Just random thoughts. ------------- |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 11:22am
| My second was an emergency c-section so I am not planning a c-section for this one either. hoping like hell for a VBAC! so then it isnt an option at all. I am under an OB so I could always say to her "if it happens to be a CS please do TL" |
Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 2:12pm
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No i don't think you're being selfish. I don't think you should get it done if you're not 100% comfortable with the decision, which obviously you aren't. I understand what you're saying, that you aren't planning on having anymore but would still like the option to be there. ------------- 
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Posted By: QTMum
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 2:12pm
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Ouch calling you selfish is pretty harsh. Even if you are 100% sure you don't want to have anymore kids under any circumstance you still don't have to do anything to your body that you are not comfortable with. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 2:56pm
I was given that option (if it happens to be CS, please do TL) so I'd say that's pretty common. And I was only 22yrs, pg with #2! ------------- |
Posted By: Buttersmum
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 3:12pm
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I don't think you are being selfish at all. You are just feeling how you feel. I have decided 2 children is enough for me so if we are blessed to get preggers with another child I will have to have another c section. Therefore I have decided to have my tubes done at the time. That is my decision though as for me it will be easier to have it done at the time. I'm 35 and like you have a DH who is 25 (yay for toyboys I can see how the finality of it too would affect some people. My friend has to have a hysterectomy when she's finished having children and she hates the thought of it. Even though she knows she wont' need her uterus anymore its just that its "hers" so to speak.
One of the main reasons I want to get my tubes tied is I'm sick of any form of contraception and the effect the pill etc has had on my body. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
my little blobby April 09 "gone but will never be forgotten xx"
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) and I don't expect him to have a vasectomy. Not only the fact that he has a terrible needle phobia he is also young and well I know from experience anything can happen to the best of relationships and I guess if it did happen that he ended up with someone else I wouldn't want to deprive him of having another child.Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 3:43pm
I've been thinking about the same thing, would make going to the OB appointment worth while I suppose as well. Will need to talk to DH about it. It is very very final though isn't it? Weird cos i'm all for chopping at his bits he's not keen on that though.
They never offered or mentioned it when I saw them prior to my VBAC last time maybe the age thing as I was only 29 then. -------------
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 5:37pm
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you know, it has all got me thinking that maybe that is something I do need to consider as I know I dont want anymore..as in I will be to old for me to have anymore....I'd hate to accidentally fall pregnant at 42 or so. 3 is definitely it. And I guess TL is more reliable than vasectomy. We could always say if its a CS do it, if not he has to
Has anyone had it done during a CS? Is it much more to the operation? |
Posted By: Limochick
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 7:29pm
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I don't think you are being selfish at all you need to be 100% sure of your decision!!
I've just had a TL when I had my daughter who is now 2wks old. It added on an extra 5mins to the op!! I'm only 30 and my dh is 25 (yip another one with a toyboy ). I was offered it with my 3rd son who is 1yr but I said no then even though we thought he would be the last, then I ended up pregnant when he was 9wks old  . I am sure (have to be now anyway lol) that this is it for me!!
Good luck with your decision!! -------------  
 
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 05 February 2011 at 8:17pm
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From what the midwife told me, a TL is actually a lot easier to reverse than a vas, a vas reversal requires surgery to reattach the tubes, and remove scar tissue etc, whereas a TL reversal is keyhole surgery to remove clamps??
I wasnt offered one with DD, but during my 28w appt was asked by hospital midwife if I'd like to have a TL with this one as it is cs #3 (I'm only 27) ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003
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