He wants me to WHAT?? Yes he said the "A"

....word today

The following is a rant and a vent!!

Dh and I have been married for nearly 4 years and have a sweet lil DS and just recently we have found out that we are expecting again...we were going to ttc in 6 months or so but God had other plans i guess

I am over the moon, yes it was unplanned but i love kids and i truly beleive that they are a miracle so eventhough it doesnt quite fit our "plans" i am super excited to welcome this lil bubs into our lives

BUT DH is NNOOOOTTT happy and i thought this would go away but today when we were talking about it he at first said we cant say we're having a baby because its early and "anything" could happen..i.e.you could miscarry at any moment (and he has been asking me if my period has arrived for the past few days) and then he said or we could just get an abortion!!

WTF?! just because we are pregnant 6 months before we planned??

I am so confused, so upset and so freakin angry i am literally shaking!!! i dont know what to do....how can i be married to someone like this? its just so disgusting in my mind to even wish away a life like that..i mean im prochoice and all but we are in a committed relationship, we are financially stable etc etc how can he even say that to me? how can he even think that?

Even if he changes his mind when he sees the heartbeat/holds the baby etc etc how can i forgive the way he has reacted? and so what does this mean, that he wont help me with baby, he wont be there at the birth, he wont bond with the baby? what fault is this of the baby? will he/she grow thinking that their daddy didnt want them?

sorry for long post...im just incoherent right now!

Mucky_Tiger wrote: dont want ro read and run. if it were my DP saying that i would in all honestly be leaving him.

Same here, and I am so sorry for what is happening and how you are feeling.

In saying that, as someone on the outside all I can suggest is that maybe it is the shock/surprise of the situation that has caused this kind of reaction from your DH. Maybe once he has time to process it all he will be just as happy as you.

I really hope things work out for you

Oh SB! That's horrible...and I shared your post with DP and he thought it was horrible too.
But as AandCsmum says give it time. It is still very early days and you're both adjusting to the news. Try not to think too far ahead, especially at the moment when your hormones are all over the place. I'm sure he'll come around and he probably wishes that had never come out of his mouth.

Thinking of you

Thanks Jaune I sure hope so too...

SnuggleBear wrote: And why is he mad at me? Or this baby?

My suspicion is that he is just mad in general, but it is easiest for him to direct this toward you and the baby. He's probably also mad at himself that he wasn't more careful.

SnuggleBear wrote: but I don't think he is and wishing your wife would miscarry is not an appropriate response no matter how mad you are

TBH, I know a few women who have got PG unexpectedly and they have wished (at one level) that they would miscarry; they all came round and were delighted with their baby, but it was just a reaction to the shock and all the panicky thoughts racing through their minds.

All of that said, I can totally understand why you are feeling devastated and hurt. Just like he's allowed to feel upset and angry, you are too! I hope that with time, he'll be able to work through it and you guys will be able to look forward to the baby's arrival, both being excited about it.

Sorry I missed the bit where he was hoping you'd miscarry, I highly doubt he'll be thinking of it from that point of view though, he'll be thinking from the point of view if you've got your period it's finished, not that you'll be losing a baby. Being a man he won't understand the enormity of what a miscarriage is.

And agree with Fire engine, he'll be directing all his anger at you (not the baby) cause he wasn't more careful & if he's a planny type of guy he'll need adjusting that his carefully laid out plan has gone awry.

I'll say it he's being an idiot. He needs to pull his head in and apologise to you, as you said you are both married to each other and just cause you are pregnant 6 months earlier than planned doesn't make it the end of the world.

Glad you've got OB as somewhere to vent - my only suggestion is to talk to him when he gets home and explain how his comments are incredibly hurtful I'm sure he'll come round. Not a fun way to start your pregnancy.

Thanks ladies really thank you I don know what I do without all the support I receive on OB!

Yip he is shocked and scared alright and if we re gonna make this work I do need to forgive the awful words but I need time out to be happy too and thank god for DS , seeing him makes me feel so happy and confident that I can do this again;)

Nope not the best to start a pregnancy but life is a box of chocolates eh you never know which one you might get.. At the moment ive got one of those awful orange scented ones you know the ones that smell and taste like bathroom freshener? Yuck ;).... Haha like my attempt at humor? Oh dear;)

I agree it was a stupid and unthinking thing to say. Just another perspective. Is he feeling as financially secure as you feel you are? Could there be something else going on which has contributed to his reaction? I ask this because finances seem to be a huge deal to most men.

My DH had a massive freak out (ok he didn't say THAT but for him it was a big deal) just after we got our BFP. He was working for the North Shore Council and had been told that he a job in the new "super council" then they turned around and said that things had changed and he had to apply for a job. Suddenly he went from job security to possibly being made redundant in a few weeks with a newly pregnant wife. I wasn't worried cause I knew they would hire him (and they did) but it had him stressed to the max. To make matters worse he had applied for a job elsewhere that he didn't expect to get and got offered it BUT it had a 3 month trial period clause. So he then had to decide if he went for the secure but mind numbing, soul destroyingly boring job at the council or a entry level position doing what he is passionate about that wasn't secure at all. Not easy for a man who values financial security very highly.

It all worked out great for us (he took the entry level job and sailed through the trail period BTW) but it was a really tough time for a while there.

I sure hope it works out just as well for you and your family.

Oh SB...
Hugest of hugs hun. If you need to talk Im here
If your definately not going to abort then just give him sometime, see if he has a guy friend he can talk to, he might need someone else to talk about it with to process the idea.
I wouldnt leave him,definately not at this point and not just for saying that (As horrible as it is), we all know we say things we dont mean when we are shocked and upset.   I agree with AandCsmum in that he wont understand how huge a MC is, its not like it would just rewind and make you not pregnant, it will be losing a life.
xx will be thinknig of you