What nobody tells you about baby 2 or mor

Great topic FionaO, I'll be watching for replies with great interest!

That jealousy can set in anytime, for us it has hit in the last few months or so. And Ben gets just as jealous as Ben

I could be the only one that had this, but I wish someone had told me 2 things -
First, that my 2&1/2 yr old DD1 who adored me normally would go right off me for a couple of days after I had baby...until it was time for her to go home and leave me after every hospital visit, when she would break down crying and begging me to come home. It was sooo sad! Thankfully she came right when I got home.

Secondly, and this is hard to describe and I hope I dont sound weird, but I felt when my DD2 was born that my relationship with DD1 totally changed, like before I had the baby she was my everything, and suddenly it was all about the baby and I felt very distant from my older girl. It was an odd and quite horrible feeling, my DH reassured me it would come right once things settled down with having a newborn, and he was right; it didnt take long before I realised that I loved my wee girls equally.

Oh so i guess my advice would be to run with it, your homrones will be out of whack, you will tired and full of emotion and those emotions may be unexpected but it will settle down.

As for jealousy... making sure your elder child gets plenty of one on one time with both of you (as much as reasonably possible, dont over do it!).

They adjust remarkably quickly, after a week being home Jake was happily giving Ollies kisses and cuddles and the smacks were few and far between!

What everyone told that was true... you cant imagine how you can love another person so much, that your heart can hold that much love but you can and its wonderful.

TheKelly wrote: That when the second is born, its just as amazing as the first, but in a different way and in my case, I felt even more love for my daughter because now she was a big sister

I felt like that as well

I found it so much easier than i was expecting. I was ready for jealousy issues, and DS being rough with DD, and feeling possibly useless about not having the same 1 on 1 time with DS. But.. DS was amazing, and we didnt have 1 single issue. He just loved his little sis, and accepted her, and was an amazing help. He realised there were times i couldnt just do something with him, and was ok with that (but i made sure i made up for it when she went to bed etc.)

I found i went out a lot more when DD came along, as i needed to get out and about with my son, and do special activities or go to the library or whatever with him, so she just came along too. I learnt that it doesnt matter if things dont always go to plan, as theyll work out in the end.

I learnt from DS in many ways, and knew some habits that i didnt want to get into, or some things i wanted this time to attempt to (in my head) do right. One of these was sleep - I was a shocker with DS, and i think it was because of me that he was such hard work getting to sleep and staying asleep, as i would rock/cuddle/feed him constantly to get him to sleep. I still didnt want DD to cry to sleep, but i knew a small grizzle was ok, and hence she's a good sleeper.

One thing i wish someone had of told me - that even though you've done it all before, in so many ways its all so damn new again. I seemed to forget so much again, or worry about things. Maybe this never changes lol

I also felt (feel) a lot of guilt about how much less time and energy I can devote to DS1, and it pains me to see him struggling to come to term with the huge change in his life.

It also has taken me a lot longer to bond with DS2 than it did the first time around.

I am much more relaxed about parenting with number 2.

But it is great, and there is so much more love to go around! I wouldn't change it.

This is my first, and BabyDaddy's (we're close friends) second, and his daughter, who will be 5, is so excited, she wants to go shopping with me to buy it clothes (especially skirts - someone is hoping for a sister) and she only lives with him part-time, so I'm being positive that jealousy won't be a big issue once this one comes along, but then again, I can always dream.

Wow, long sentence.

It's quite cool that I get to see her experience her first sibling, but I also get to experience first baby.

One thing I do suggest if possible is when your older child comes to see you and baby for the first time, have someone else there to hold baby so that when your first comes in he/she can give you a cuddle straight away and not have to worry cos mummy is holding someone else, let your older child look at the baby etc but if they are not interested, don't push it, just make sure they know you are interested in them

Totally agree with thekelly - best thing I did was to have someone holding DD2 when DD1 came to visit for the first time... Also I had gone to the $2 shop and got her some presents from DD2 - just little things but she totally appreciated it ...

Also to include the older sibling as much as they want to be (even if it terrifies you), my DD1 loves helping me out and I have always encouraged it, especially loves getting nappies and clothes for me.... I also say things to DD2 like, 'isn't DD1 so helpful and what a good girl' in DD1's earshot...

So far so good we haven't had any jealousy and no hitting etc...

The hardest part was the feeding in the early days DD1 got a bit annoyed about that, especially because it takes so long at first... I used to set up a snack or a game etc for her that we could play together (amazing what you can do with one hand), and talk about what we would get to do afterward, like going to the park etc...