What nobody tells you about baby 2 or mor
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Topic: What nobody tells you about baby 2 or mor
Posted By: FionaO
Subject: What nobody tells you about baby 2 or mor
Date Posted: 14 January 2011 at 8:41pm
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So as you can see i've totally stolen the title of another thread There was a powercut tonight so DH and I sat down had dinner (sandwich) and talked about all sorts and obviously about baby 2. This got me to wondering what you wish someone had told you before your 2nd came along or 3rd or whatever no. Any tips for how to handle 2, how to minimise jealousy, what was the hardest part etc.... ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: MrsEmma
Date Posted: 14 January 2011 at 9:10pm
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Great topic FionaO, I'll be watching for replies with great interest! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 14 January 2011 at 9:33pm
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I wish I had remembered all the things I had done wrong with number one.... Like feed her to sleep, hold her too long, let her sleep on me too often
I wish I had gone to birthcare and relaxed a little after instead of coming straight home I tried to include my big girl as much as I could, and thankfully she was ok with a new baby but was pretty mean to me for a few weeks, poor love She is still a bit hard every now and then, dont push them or change anything else in their world when you have a new babe, an give them as much time as you can. and loads of cuddles Consistency worked for us and speaking to her calmly and lovingly, even when she was tired and grouchy or just being 2 I wouldnt change it for the world, its lovely having two little pairs of arms around you, two sets of perfect rose bud lips to kiss, I never knew my heart could love sooo much all over again and I cant wait for another to join in the group hugs ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 14 January 2011 at 9:46pm
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That jealousy can set in anytime, for us it has hit in the last few months or so. And Ben gets just as jealous as Ben ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 14 January 2011 at 9:54pm
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That even though you wonder how you will be able to stretch yourself between two kids, you can, you somehow just do it.
That when the second is born, its just as amazing as the first, but in a different way and in my case, I felt even more love for my daughter because now she was a big sister ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MuppetsMama
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 9:12am
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I could be the only one that had this, but I wish someone had told me 2 things -
First, that my 2&1/2 yr old DD1 who adored me normally would go right off me for a couple of days after I had baby...until it was time for her to go home and leave me after every hospital visit, when she would break down crying and begging me to come home. It was sooo sad! Thankfully she came right when I got home. Secondly, and this is hard to describe and I hope I dont sound weird, but I felt when my DD2 was born that my relationship with DD1 totally changed, like before I had the baby she was my everything, and suddenly it was all about the baby and I felt very distant from my older girl. It was an odd and quite horrible feeling, my DH reassured me it would come right once things settled down with having a newborn, and he was right; it didnt take long before I realised that I loved my wee girls equally. 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 9:27am
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That you could feel such immense guilt after having your baby because you have changed your first childs life so much without them having a say it.
I was the opposite to muppetsmama... I found it very hard to "enjoy" Oliver because I was so close to Jake and was feeling so much guilt. I didnt want Jake at the hospital because I felt I needed to time to devote to my new child. It was very hard on me, I felt like a terrible mother BUT as said above it does settle down and soon you cant remember life without them
Cant wait to add another to the family (no doubt I will feel guilty for making Ollie a middle child LOL). -------------   
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 9:32am
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Oh so i guess my advice would be to run with it, your homrones will be out of whack, you will tired and full of emotion and those emotions may be unexpected but it will settle down.
As for jealousy... making sure your elder child gets plenty of one on one time with both of you (as much as reasonably possible, dont over do it!). They adjust remarkably quickly, after a week being home Jake was happily giving Ollies kisses and cuddles and the smacks were few and far between! What everyone told that was true... you cant imagine how you can love another person so much, that your heart can hold that much love but you can and its wonderful. -------------
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 10:40am
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Caitlyn had been my only baby for 7 years, I struggled heaps with feeling guilty, since it was just us for the first 5 years we had (and luckily still have) an amazing bond, I was lucky tho in that she was older and able to understand that little bit more .
However I still have times I struggle with feeling guilty ,doesn't change my love for them both tho -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 11:06am
I felt like that as well ------------- Lindsey
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TheKelly wrote:Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 2:29pm
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I wasn't worried at all about not loving him as much..i must be weird:) but I wish someone had told me my feelings were normal you know? i felt guilty about not spending time with my older one..(was our first time apart) and changing his life.. and guilty i felt more bonded to the little one.. as Ethan didn't want me much as he couldn't cuddle me towards the end...and I had forgotten that truly helpless feeling of not knowing what to do..I also felt...differently but just as strong towards Ethan..now he was a big brother..but he's still my baby you know:) and just as bonded just in different ways
I wish someone had just... offered to help..i did have help but i just wanted someone to hold the baby once in a while.. or let me sleep lol:) It really did settle down even though Liam only slept 45mins at a time for 5 months due to allergies...Ethan was never that jealous and truly loves his little brother now...I included him as much as i can and tell him all the time I'm so proud of my big boy:) so in short I wish someone had told me it's normal to feel so many different emotions and be so.. guilty towards one or the other the whole time..:) and that he wouldn't be sleeping through by 11 months..then I could have not expected that to happen lol:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Kimnthekids
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 8:23pm
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I found it so much easier than i was expecting. I was ready for jealousy issues, and DS being rough with DD, and feeling possibly useless about not having the same 1 on 1 time with DS. But.. DS was amazing, and we didnt have 1 single issue. He just loved his little sis, and accepted her, and was an amazing help. He realised there were times i couldnt just do something with him, and was ok with that (but i made sure i made up for it when she went to bed etc.)
I found i went out a lot more when DD came along, as i needed to get out and about with my son, and do special activities or go to the library or whatever with him, so she just came along too. I learnt that it doesnt matter if things dont always go to plan, as theyll work out in the end. I learnt from DS in many ways, and knew some habits that i didnt want to get into, or some things i wanted this time to attempt to (in my head) do right. One of these was sleep - I was a shocker with DS, and i think it was because of me that he was such hard work getting to sleep and staying asleep, as i would rock/cuddle/feed him constantly to get him to sleep. I still didnt want DD to cry to sleep, but i knew a small grizzle was ok, and hence she's a good sleeper. One thing i wish someone had of told me - that even though you've done it all before, in so many ways its all so damn new again. I seemed to forget so much again, or worry about things. Maybe this never changes lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 15 January 2011 at 8:51pm
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Kimnthekids we were the same not a single issue of jealousy at all. We made a big thing of Ds1 coming to see Ds2 at he hosptial, i wanted ds1 to come the next day so i looking normal and not hooked up to tubes e.t.c.
We included ds1 in everything talked about baby heaps and how he would be a big brother, read books on new babies and how they sleep a lot and feed a lot. i wanted him to understand he wasn't getting a play mate and baby would not be able to play with him for a long time. but he could help bath baby and help me chnage nappies e.t.c and lay beside him and play with toys e.t.c I wished someone had told me how much harder it is to sleep during the day with 2. But then i got into a great routine when they both had there day sleep at he same time, magic.
you just really go with it it all falls into place -------------  
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 16 January 2011 at 7:28pm
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I also felt (feel) a lot of guilt about how much less time and energy I can devote to DS1, and it pains me to see him struggling to come to term with the huge change in his life.
It also has taken me a lot longer to bond with DS2 than it did the first time around. I am much more relaxed about parenting with number 2. But it is great, and there is so much more love to go around! I wouldn't change it. |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 16 January 2011 at 7:35pm
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That No 2 could be completely different to No1. Obvious you think but I actually expected No 2 to look like No1 did when he was born and he was TOTALLY different!
I agree with the feeling of guilt at changing No1s life forever. I'm already having that thought about making No2 a "middle child" |
Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 16 January 2011 at 10:34pm
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This is my first, and BabyDaddy's (we're close friends) second, and his daughter, who will be 5, is so excited, she wants to go shopping with me to buy it clothes (especially skirts - someone is hoping for a sister) and she only lives with him part-time, so I'm being positive that jealousy won't be a big issue once this one comes along, but then again, I can always dream.
Wow, long sentence. It's quite cool that I get to see her experience her first sibling, but I also get to experience first baby. |
Posted By: zatonz
Date Posted: 17 January 2011 at 12:08pm
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i also had the 'how will i love no.2 as much as no.1' followed closely by, what if i love one more than the other (either way round!) but luckily neither happened. kids are sooo diff that there are always things that make you love them more, and want to scream too!!
we were a bit worried about the jealousy thing, but it wasn't too bad. biggest thing was how hard it was trying to look after 2 in the first couple of weeks when you are tired 9with just 1 you can kind of live in a little bubble! but no such luck when 2 comes along!!) also, i was more relaxed, but still stressed about stuff! and i think i enjoyed it more teh 2nd time cos i wasnt worried about doing things wrong, i just did them anyway if i wanted to! and here we are 8 weeks away from no.3, and still i worry about all these things all over again!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 17 January 2011 at 12:45pm
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One thing I do suggest if possible is when your older child comes to see you and baby for the first time, have someone else there to hold baby so that when your first comes in he/she can give you a cuddle straight away and not have to worry cos mummy is holding someone else, let your older child look at the baby etc but if they are not interested, don't push it, just make sure they know you are interested in them -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaO
Date Posted: 17 January 2011 at 8:09pm
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Awwwwwwwww so many of these are so nice. I'm not sure what my biggest worries are there are just lots of them, I find it hard to imagine as we are having another boy how he will be different from DS but I know he will be, that two brothers can be as different as chalk and cheese but its hard to imagine. I do worry about the love thing and I guess I worry about DS feeling less loved but DH and I are trying to plan things so we both get time alone with DS when DS2 comes along. I also worry a bit about me, when DS was born it definately wasn't my happiest time, and looking back I know I struggled emotionally for a few months but i'm hoping that won't happen so much or perhaps having DS around will help.
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Posted By: NovMum
Date Posted: 18 January 2011 at 1:13pm
Totally agree with thekelly - best thing I did was to have someone holding DD2 when DD1 came to visit for the first time... Also I had gone to the $2 shop and got her some presents from DD2 - just little things but she totally appreciated it  ...
Also to include the older sibling as much as they want to be (even if it terrifies you), my DD1 loves helping me out and I have always encouraged it, especially loves getting nappies and clothes for me.... I also say things to DD2 like, 'isn't DD1 so helpful and what a good girl' in DD1's earshot... So far so good we haven't had any jealousy and no hitting etc... The hardest part was the feeding in the early days DD1 got a bit annoyed about that, especially because it takes so long at first... I used to set up a snack or a game etc for her that we could play together (amazing what you can do with one hand), and talk about what we would get to do afterward, like going to the park etc... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: JoJames
Date Posted: 18 January 2011 at 3:24pm
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I was surprised at how well DS adjusted to the change, we had a ridiculous first few weeks, when DS2 was in NICU, and DS1 got shunted all around the place, but he did so well, and loved DS2 from the first moment that we brought him home.
The most annoying part is the hitting and the pushing, and (today) the standing on the baby, He doesn't do it to be malicious (the standing was simply because the baby was in the way and he wanted to get over him), he just can't seem to control himself, and I noticed that his 4 YO cousin does it to his baby brother too. No matter how many times he has time out he just doen't seem to get it 
I found DS1 so hard as a baby because I was so busy stressing, that I'm really enjoying DS2 as a baby, I definately found the first 6 months hard, but now its really great. Also I think any less love the oldest child gets from you, they will get in spades from their new sibling. ------------- http://www.alterna-tickers.com"> 
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Posted By: rorylex
Date Posted: 20 January 2011 at 4:45pm
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that one of your biggest challanges is the supermarket, there is no where to stop and feed baby regardless of how your feeding and having the other child to entertain aswell doesnt help.
and getting 2 kids from car to trolley, thats is at the sametime finding the right trolley. thankfully our pak n save has decided that its best that most trolleys are double seaters. things can be a little easier with 2nd as you learn so much with your 1st. especially with feeding, with ds1 i had no idea what i was doing and it was constant mistake after mistake. with ds2 i knew what mistakes a made and didnt make them again. i too worried about not loving ds2 as much as ds1 but it was useless worry. that when the older child/ren 1st see you and baby dont expect huge excitment. ds1 didnt not give a toss about ds2 though he was only a yr old so didnt understand. though iv had 2 more since ds2 and its always been the same each time. dont care that a new baby is there i want to play with the toys. ------------- Mummy to 4 boys Samuel - 18.6.05 Rory - 15.7.06 Mason - 13.06.08 Emmett - 24.01.10 Baby #5 - cooking |
Posted By: LG
Date Posted: 21 January 2011 at 1:48pm
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Thanks so much everyone for you replies because is something DH and i have been talking about a lot lately.
I hadnt even thought of grocery shopping with 2 of them yet eeekkkk -------------  Angel Baby Aug '12, Feb '13 |
Posted By: kiwikid
Date Posted: 22 January 2011 at 10:09am
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I'll definitely be going back to fortnightly online shopping when DC2 comes along, DS isnt a fan of the supermarket to start with so I think the delivery charge is a worthy investment!!!! ------------- 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 22 January 2011 at 6:43pm
I think i'll save the shopping till after school and make, I mean ask....C to help me  -------------
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 22 January 2011 at 6:57pm
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I found getting in and out of the car if I didnt need a pram mpst challenging...
I wear Ollie and put Jake in the trolley.. easy peasy -------------
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Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 22 January 2011 at 7:14pm
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I now shop online! you can usually find free delivery codes in the 'general chat' thread, and codes to get discounts. So it works out cheaper, plus I don't impulse buy, and it is delivered. And no hassles with kids and trolleys, and trying to stop your 2 year old from grabbing things off shelves and calm a crying baby.
Another thing I find hard with 2 is bed times. Keeping DS1 quiet so he doesn't wake DS2 can be difficult. He likes to yell and sing and bang on the walls when he goes go bed. It is so hard to keep him quiet. And another thing that is getting in and out of the car. One of the kids had to be on the right hand side of the car so if you are parked on a busy road it can be tricky. I often get him to climb over to the front seat and get out the passenger side so that he gets straight on to the footpath. |