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mummymonster 
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 Topic: Toddler v’s Baby
Posted: 12 August 2011 at 9:11am |
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DS1 v's DS2, the classic tale.
When DS2 came home DS1 cried/screamed/tantied for about 2 weeks. During which time he basically ignored me outright but was nice to DS2.
Then in the intervening time things have been pretty good. DS1 is at daycare most days and LOVES it.
We've been having some settling issues with DS2, which may or may not be contributing to our problem but anyhow. Now DS1 is regressing and getting upset about DS2. He takes it out on DH and I and is lovely to his brother, but still I could use some advice.
What DS1 is doing that's unusually behaviour for him -
when I sit down to feed DS2 he comes up and lies across me (like the position the baby get fed in), asking to be picked up all the time, refusing to walk anywhere, wants to be carried. Demanding the attention of which ever parent is holding DS2 (i.e. DS1 goes mummy mummy, I give baby to DH, then in that split second the cry becomes daddy daddy). He's never been the best sleeper in the world but would usually go to bed ok, now he cries for which ever parent is leaving the room (and cries and cries).
I also get the feeling he's just plain upset at hearing DS2 cry.
Any suggestions?
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Bizzy
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Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 12 August 2011 at 9:46am |
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sometimes i would tell my older boy that is was babies turn for cuddles and that he could have his turn when i was finished. Then maybe give him someting to do or get for you while you feed baby... the rest i think you will just have to ride out and keep reassuring him of your love still with lots of cuddles etc.
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buzylizy
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Posted: 12 August 2011 at 11:57am |
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My boy will be 2 when my second is born and I am a little worried because he gets so much attention and is jealous if anyone gets close to me or my husband. Don't know what to do about it yet.
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MrsEmma
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Posted: 12 August 2011 at 5:17pm |
DS can be like this, mostly when I'm by myself during the day. I will play with him for ages and he happily plays along, or does his own thing but when I need to feed DD he gets really stroppy and pulls on me, tries to climb on top of her etc. I used to put her down and try to comfort or distract him but he would then stop until I picked her up again. I tried an activity box but it didn't work for him.
Though he is still too young to fully understand, each time I need to feed I get down next to him and tell DS it's time for Mummy to give DD her lunch/breakfast/snack and make sure he has enough to occupy himself with. When he gets stroppy I just remind him again that I'm giving DD her dinner and when I'm finished we can all play together. Sometimes he will go and play or sit down next to us and other times I have to repeat myself 10 odd times!! But there isn't a lot else I can do and he has gotten so much better over the 3 months 
I don't have any other suggestions other than try and ride it out, it must be hard for them not to be the total centre of attention all of a sudden so I can understand DS's frustration 
Edited by MrsEmma
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....
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Posted: 13 August 2011 at 12:08pm |
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Some people have a special pack of toys/activities for toddler that are only for when baby is feeding, and when baby has finished feeding they go away, apparently that can work quite well, the novelty of new toys.
I have no experience with a toddler and a baby, though.
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kandk
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Posted: 13 August 2011 at 8:57pm |
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Sorry I can't offer any practical help - but the other day I read a very interesting thing about how the arrival of a new baby can affect the older sibling:
It says how it can shake the child's confidence in her own worth.
"To fully understand what a child may feel upon the arrival of a new sibling, put yourself in her place. Imagine your spouse bringing home another partner (wife/husband) with great and obvious excitement. The explanation is logical; you two are so happy together, and you are so wonderful, why not have more happiness with another partner?
Take this image beyond the initial shock and go with it as far as possible into images from daily life. Taking turns, watching your lover enjoying the other partner, being expected to share with delight, and asked to be a close and loving friend to that person. Put the new partner at the dinner table, in bed, on vacation, sharing your own special kind of moments"
Looking at it this way, you can see how a new baby can be quite a shock to a child. So lots of cuddles and hugs when you can I suppose!
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MrsEmma
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Posted: 14 August 2011 at 5:13am |
kandk that made me well up!
It was just thoughts like that alone that made me stand by our car in floods of tears at 3am when I was in labour and about to head to hospital, the thought of bringing home 'someone else' and the impact it would have on DS at that moment made me feel awful!!
It must be so hard for them to understand, but the times where he is so loving and helpful and kind to DD far make up for and out weigh the times he 'acts up' when I'm with her. And of course including him in anything and everything I can is a huge part of that. I know when they are a little older and have a playmate and friend all day, every day it will be all worthwhile!
I suppose like most things, it will just take time
Edited by MrsEmma
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mummymonster
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Posted: 14 August 2011 at 6:58pm |
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that might explain why DS1 is so nice to DS2 and takes it out on us. DS1 is a copycat, so we love DS2 so does he. He takes his missing us out on us, because we're the ones who've let him down.
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Toddler v’s Baby
