Explaining mc to 5yr old?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=41701
Printed Date: 07 July 2025 at 9:03am
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Topic: Explaining mc to 5yr old?
Posted By: Kellz
Subject: Explaining mc to 5yr old?
Date Posted: 10 March 2012 at 7:56pm
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Anyone got tips/advise for us on how we can best explain miscarriage to our 5yr old DD, and what is the best way to answer her Q's?
We know she will ask where baby has gone, and we dont know what to say. 
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Replies:
Posted By: KH25
Date Posted: 10 March 2012 at 8:17pm
Oh honey, I'm so so sorry But sorry, no advice as we didn't tell DD until after the 12 week scan JIC. Hope you are ok  ------------- Kelly, mum to DD, 19Jun06 (26wks 1lb15oz) DS1, 24Oct10 (32wks 4lb11oz) and DS2, 31Dec11 (32wks, 4lb11) http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Luckymama23
Date Posted: 10 March 2012 at 8:46pm
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So sorry to hear your news Kellz [>:D]
My D.S. is quite a bit younger than your daughter,so maybe not as age appropriate. But we just explained to him the baby in mummy's tummy had stopped growing, and would be going to heaven instead of coming to play with him
He went really quiet, and sad, and I thought he had got it,then a few weeks later bought home a picture he'd drawn at daycare. I said oh that a lovely picture and he said I drew it for my baby ------------- 2 superstars too many miscarriages 2009-2014 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 10 March 2012 at 8:48pm
| We told Isla straight away- I show really early and people at work were guessing at 7 weeks, and other random strangers by 8 weeks, so there no way we could not tell her for that long- and wont be able to hide it that long next time either. |
Posted By: Herewegoagain
Date Posted: 11 March 2012 at 1:10pm
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Sorry you have to go through this
I told ds early, partly because I was so excited but since I had a previous miscarriage I told him that we have to hope baby will stick around and that sometimes babies don't grow well in mummy's tummies. Just like how some seeds we plant don't grow into healthy plants. He understood quite well for a 5-year old. Fortunately baby did stick around. Fingers crossed for you in the future for a nice healthy sticky pregnancy. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
+ My big school boy (6) |
Posted By: cal
Date Posted: 11 March 2012 at 3:12pm
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Sorry to hear of your loss.
With my nearly 5 year old we just explained the baby was not growing very well and died and this meant Mum would be a bit sad for a while. He seemed ok with the explanation but we have lots of questions about death for months afterwards. He has just discovered I'm pregnant again and I get asked daily if the baby will die, it's fair to say his innocence has been lost a little... We explain to him now that the baby is alive and healthy but it may die if it does not grow strong enough. He has been very interested in my scans/pictures so far. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Angel Babies: Nov 08/ May 11/ Oct 11/ Jan 12 DD: My beautiful 2 year old DS: My big 4 year old kindy boy |
Posted By: Troods
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 12:53pm
Kellz, sorry I don't have any helpful advice about that but couldn't read and not say so so sorry hun  ------------- 
 Missed MC July 2011
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Posted By: tigger,roo
Date Posted: 12 March 2012 at 1:11pm
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sorry to hear of your loss.
i had a mc when ds was nearly 4 i got given a book from SANDS called what happened to baby? and read that to him. I am now preg again and he had worried all the way through so far. He keeps all the scan pics in his room and needs them to feel better. We also had to explain to him there was nothing any of us could do as he thought cos he had been naughty the baby didnt want to be his sis/bro. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Angels - March'11, Nov '10, May '10 |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 16 March 2012 at 6:53pm
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Thanks everyone.
DD has taken it a lot easier than we thought. She doesnt seem bothered at all- I was in hospital 3 nights from sun afternoon to Wed lunchtime- she visited after school Mon and that was it- didnt ask about me, and was busy having fun with her cousins and being picked up by Aunty after school! Since Ive been home we've talked about it briefly severaal times. We explained that baby wasnt growing properly- that sometime babies grow great in mummy's tummy- just like her and her brother did, but sometimes they dont. Shes keeps saying "but there will be another one in there one day" and hasnt been upset at all. |
Posted By: Tinkerbelle118
Date Posted: 06 April 2012 at 9:55pm
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Sorry to hear of your loss Kellz :(
I had 3 Mc's but only told Stepson (5 at the time) about the 3rd one as it happened at 12 weeks and we'd told him. I explained about it not growing very well and he seemed to understand. What I found a bit hard though was when I was pregnant with DS that he seemed quite callous sometimes when saying that this baby might die too, like it couldn't happen to me... I was worried enough as it was. He understands more now that DS arrived safe and well though and sometimes talks about the babies that died. I think kids are just so matter of fact sometimes and they all take things differently. Hope you are doing ok now :) |
Posted By: Kellz
Date Posted: 07 April 2012 at 3:31pm
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Thanks. YEah DD took it must better than we thought. She still often mentions "there will be another baby in their again soon", to which I only say "maybe one day",..cos at the moment Im too scared to go there again, and we are going to wait and decide later down the track.
Next time I will tell her that there is a teeny tiny baby growing but that we dont know if it will grow properly or not yet- I get a belly from 7-8 weeks, so cant hide it plus Im always way to excited to keep it to ourselves anyway! She knows that her and her borther and her 2 cousins all grew properly in their mummys tummys, but sometimes they dont- like this baby didnt. |