Who do you want in the delivery room ??
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39714
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Topic: Who do you want in the delivery room ??
Posted By: Reffinej
Subject: Who do you want in the delivery room ??
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 4:55pm
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Ok, so for me it's a LONG way off, FX things go well. But, I was reading an article about whether or not people wanted their Mum's at their delivery. All the while I was reading it was always assumed that the OH would be there. Now, for me, my mum is on the other side of the world, and I can't imagine wanting her there as much as I love her. But the idea of DH being there.....FREAKS ME OUT! lol
In an ideal world I'd be able to (safely and quickly) give birth in the privacy of solitude! It's the biggest problem for me, I just find the whole idea, well, embarrassing I guess. I'm not asking for reasons to change my mind, if I don't want DH right there, he'll have to understand that. Just wondered how others feel about it! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Replies:
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 5:05pm
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Well, I guess you're the one giving birth, so you ultimately get to decide. I'd give some thought to yoru DHs feelings, though - it's a pretty magic moment, when your son or daughter comes into the world, and I can imagine he could be a bit gutted to miss out on it.
In my case, I was/am 100% happy for DH to be there. It's nothing he hasn't seen before, and I'm totally comfortable with him seeing me in the various states of indignity that come with giving birth. Not only do I not mind him being there, I want him there to cheer me on, keep me company and provide backrubs and drinks. Other than that, that's about the limit of what I'm comfortable with. I could live with my Mum or a couple of my close friends being there, but wouldn't ever ask them (and would probably prefer they weren't). I'd be distinctly uncomfortable having, for example, DHs Mum there. As much as I like her, I couldn't handle her being there. -------------   
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 5:25pm
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Yeah the idea of DH's MUM being there would be .... mad.
Maybe I'll change my mind, but I just did another google and found I'm not alone. Others out there who want to keep their 'dignity' or whatever in tact too! It'll be interesting to broach the subject with him. I imagine he'll be understanding, but who knows. I'm intrigued to find out. He's all too aware of my aversion to such matters (the idea of me wanting a child is SO new that's he chuffed with that). Don't think it'll be a surprise that I don't want him seeing me like that. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Cinderella
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 5:32pm
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I had a friend who was keeping me and DH company with my last son. She was going to leave but when it came time, I said stay. I was so focused on what I was doing who was in the room was an after thought.
Labour is the scariest, most stress full thing you will do. But it is also the most rewarding. Having DH there with give him a closer bond. Put yourself in his shoes? How would you feel? When it comes time, you will probably not even be aware of who is in the room and you will realise when you have kids, there is no room for embarrasement lol |
Posted By: kelzie_rose
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 5:36pm
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For the longest time, I told DH that he was more than welcome in the delivery room, provided that he wanted to be there, but was strictly at the head end. And one day, something changed and he can park himself wherever he wants to be! I suppose it'd be embarrassing but surely pushing a huge baby out of hole too small for it to come out of, would mean all I was thinking of would be the baby and my dignity would go out the window.
My Mum can be there if she likes, and I think if she chooses to come in, then DH's Mum can come in too. She lives in the UK and hasn't seen us since about a year before our first m/c and feels bad that she hasn't been here for us. She then booked flights to come out and see us, just before we found out we were UTD! She's well chuffed that it was timed so well. -------------  Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3 |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:09pm
| I didnt have anyone but myself and the midwifes at the birth. Everyone thinks i was barking mad, but i really didnt want anyone there. My mom took great offence - and she turned up at the hospital anyway where my doll of a midwife barred the door. By the time DS was born i was seperated from his father but right from day dot i told him he wasnt wanted. He was gutted but respected that. I actually really loved it - it was all about me and DS and i didnt have to share 'our' moment with anyone. |
Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:16pm
I don't think DH would be very hurt as he understands me so well, and he'd be allowed in as soon as baby was there. Lots of guys don't even want to be there! I just think I'd have MAJOR stagefright anyway, let alone with the one person who has to look at me every day there too!
At the end of the day, all the sites/info tell you that you're the one that matters on the day...a friend told me how she needs to be 'in the zone' to get going with birth (she's had a few!!  )...I don't think I'd be anywhere near the zone with more spectators than necessary!! lol
Bowie - sounds like you got a good midwife, I should probably start looking for one. Apparently they book up quick. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: NewMummyJade
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:18pm
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Hate to burst your bubble but I do worry that your gunna go thru the next 8months or so very worried about your dignity only to have all your hopes of a "special, private affair" exploded into a million pieces on the day.
I wasnt overly keen on anyone seeing my lady bits, Dr's, MW's & DF included. But while I lay as naked as the day I was born on the operating room table with atleast 10 people in the room all looking up and in places I might have rathered they didnt, I realised when it comes to it, who the hell cares. I got a beautiful little girl safely delivered out of it, and neither DF or I are scarred by the whole event. Does that mean im any less prudish about things now? Of course not, but the best piece of advice I can give you is leave your dignity at the door, your gunna have enough to worry about hehe! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:22pm
For sure, you gotta be ready for that sort of thing, but it doesn't mean you can't plan things to be more to your liking, right!  And, call me naive, but why were you naked? lol
I don't plan on lying down for most of it anyway, so that's one bonus! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:31pm
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We re the opposite here dh doesn't want to be there at the birth he didn't last time too but I think he appreciated how helpful he was and tbh I haven't given him an option if I'm pushing a watermelon out o a hole the size of a pea then he can bloody well watch and support!!! Lol... My mum used to say to me that it's good for our other halves to see the pain of childbirth so they appreciate how hard it is to give birth... Makes it useful for later arguments...lol
I digress... At the end of the day it's your birth reff and if you re more comfortable with him not being there then that's your decision to make... I'll be interested to know what your dh thinks too;) ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |
Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:34pm
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Lol reff I sure as hell didn't Plan on a lot of things when I thought about giving birth but somehow I did end up on my back (sort of propped up not flat) and completely naked!! And most importantly I didn't give a sh*t!
It's good to have plans but honestly the biggest plan is to go with the flow;) ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |
Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:46pm
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Yep flow is good.
DH just rang (he's working in Chch all week). So, despite him wandering around Warehouse, I explained my thoughts. He was a breeze, completely understood. He said 'oh, but I might be helpful' and I said that, of course, I'd want him on standby. Easy peasy. Funniest bit was, he asked me 'have you thought about positions?' all innocently and apparently received a somewhat strange looking by the man near him! lol ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:52pm
LOL. I read an article about post-birth 'trauma' (essentially) that men sometimes go through! Obviously your fella's all good though, but apparently some end up with some serious side effects Bless them. Can't say I'm completely surprised.
Then again, I've always been the sort who hates watching 'birth' scenes and used to hate menstruation related talk. I think I empathize quite a lot with the guys.  Always used to say I wished I was one! hehe------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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SnuggleBear wrote:Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 6:55pm
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I told DH he had to be there when Jack was born and he insisted he would stay at my head but worked his way down. The way I saw it, we both conceived a baby and we were both going to be there when he was born. I knew my Mum always wanted to see a baby born so she came too and was very helpful, held Jack while DH held my hand for the stitches.
With Ben it was DH and Mum again, oh plus a camera crew! I took part in the MOH bfing DVD so had the female director and a camera lady there as well! The way I saw it, the circus could have gone through and I wouldn't have noticed it. I am not really very comfortable with people seeing me, hate having a smear test, wouldn't wear a bikini etc. But when you have a baby all that seems to go out the door. Depending on how well your delivery goes you could have 1 or 10 people there to see you and baby through safely and there is really no room for embarassment. Everyone has got to do what they feel comfortable with, the only think I can suggest is keep an open mind and see how you feel closer to the time. ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: Inkedpixie
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 7:21pm
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I think you have to do what's right for you - it's great that your DH knows you well enough to be understanding.
I've just brought this up with DF, who said he'd be more than happy to wait outside the door, but sucky for him I'm not giving him the option. I plan on only having him and midwife at the birth - NO mothers allowed!
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 7:24pm
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A friend of mine actually asked me (b4 being prg) if I'd thought about it. She said it was quite a tribal thing and there were times she really didn't want him there.
But, yes NO mothers lol ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 7:48pm
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I'd rather be tucked away in a room by myself for the day and try to sort it out myself (ha!).
I'm having my best guy friend, we dated for around 5 years so he's heard every giant nachos fart, seen me in all my 'glory' and knows every swear word I can think of. He wasn't too keen at first (thought it would be a bit weird as he's my ex and not baby's dad) but he soon changed his mind after bub started kicking away at the sound of his voice, and is more excited for me to go into labour than I am. My mum wants to be there, but she's a bit mental (will spend the whole time telling me it's not that bad, that I should have kept my legs closed, don't annoy the midwife etc) so she's going to come up to the hospital a little later, probably just after bub's dad. Other than my friend, there will be my midwife, and if there are any student midwives floating about at the time, they'll have a geeze. |
Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 7:55pm
Yeah me too! If only! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: troutpout
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 7:55pm
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I was a bit worried about DH seeing my bajingo turning into a trapdoor before I gave birth, more for the fact that I worried he wouldn't be able to not picture it whenever he ventured down that way in the future lol
But, it was wonderful having him there. He supported me right through the (long, long, very painful) labour, and was there to catch the baby and cut the cord. It was beautiful, and I don't think I could have done it without him. Believe me, all thoughts of diginity fly out the window when the ouchies start. Birth is a very grunty primal affair, you will probably want someone you love to lean on when it gets really tough. Totally agree on the no mother thing though. For me, it was a moment for me and DH, and nobody else. And on the bright side, everything 'down there' went back to how it was, and I am still treated to the occasional downstairs favour from DH, without him falling in there hahahahaha x ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 7:58pm
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Eeek, see I don't even like him going down there really, not like that.
Glad your DH hasn't fallen in though - lol!!!!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: NovMum
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 8:07pm
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Ha ha yeah I didn't plan on doing much 'lying down' either, and am a fairly private person.. Honestly thank goodness DH was with me with DD1 or I'd still be there over 3 1/2 years on still pigheadedly trying to get her out, lol he had to go on a serious rampage to get a half decent outcome for us all ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Panda289
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 9:27pm
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interesting topic! Totally agree that it is your choice and it is lovely that your DH supports you
when we first started broaching this topic I asked DH what he wanted and he said he wanted to be in there with me and I agreed (as I want him in there anyway). I am happy for him to do what he wants in the room as long as he supports me! As for modesty well I am not sure how I will feel at the time as I know the idea of being completely naked seemed odd to me before but now that I am due, getting uncomfortable and restless I am more concerned with getting this baby out within the next few days and don't really care too much about how its done so we will see
Totally off topic but congratulations Kelzie Rose on your pregnancy! I still lurk in the old thread but think now is not the best time for me to be going in there. So exciting to see that your doing so well though! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: SophieD
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 11:05pm
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wow I never even really thought about not having DH there. I just knew there was no way I wanted to do it without him, it was scary and exciting all at teh same time and the only person I wanted to share that with was him :-)
lol...pushing out a baby is not at all dignified if you ask me but I must say I didn't even care or notice who else was in the room, I just wanted her out! Definitely plan what you want though, I got most of the things I planned, not all but most so it was great knowing what we wanted going into it. You might want to think about what you want just after and during the first day or so after birth as well. In my case the lack of dignity continued with learning to bf and bleeding etc! Was ok, but without the pain of birth to distract it was slightly more uncomfortable with midwives and drs etc doing what they do...lol ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 27 June 2011 at 11:09pm
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I only had my DH with me and it was bliss, so I totally understand what you are saying. Actually no one even knew I was in Hopsital or in labour until after he was born when we announced his arrival. Too bad I cant have the same sneaky approach this time as well.
I only wanted my DH with me and he fully respected that. This time, we will be back in NZ and I can see my whole family wanting to be in on it which WONT be happening.
For me, its not about my privacy for 'my bits' (I couldnt care less TBH) but just that I like to do things in my own time, in my own way and without too many people making a fuss over a beautiful and natural process. I really have no desire for people fussing over me while I am going through one of the most painful events in my life. Not too sure how things will work out this time, but Im hoping my bestie will look after Jackson secretly while I go off with DH and have another baby, then announce it to the world. Do what works for you and what you are comfortable with. ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 6:47am
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Oh, and yes, it's worth agreeing with the others who've said that it's best not to have too many pre-conceived ideas about what it's going to be like / what position you'll be in etc. Or rather, fine to have them, but be VERY prepared to be flexible. I assumed I'd be naked (because I was planning on using the birthing pool) and wasn't at all keen on the idea of lying down (the usual guff about gravity etc). In the end, we got there in a mad rush, I had to whip my pants off but stayed in the rest, and once I lay down on that bed I was as comfortable as I'd been / as I thought I'd get and had totally no desire to move Was a great birth, though. -------------
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:17am
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Agree, i swore up hill and down i'd either birth baby in the bath or if i didnt like it i'd be squating, but by the time it came to pushing i was knackered and could barely push let alone stand up so DS was born with me flat on my back. And i was SO prudish, i was bright purple when i was induced, was so ashamed. All these people up in my bits! But when labour really got going they were chasing me around with a sheet trying to cover me up, i was pacing the corridor of the maternity ward in a bra and short shorts....scared the visiting DH's, and an antenatel group on tour.
OH and i kept telling people i was like an elephant, i was going to go off into the bush and produce offspring. Though apparently when an elephant gives birth the other lady elephants circle and guard her and chase away man elephants. Fact for your morning! Anyway - yes get a midwife, you'll need a good'un! Mine was there from having my waters broken to baby arriving and fetched me ice and sponged my forehead but others might not be as accomodating esp if they are busy or you have a hospital midwife with other woman to deal with. |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:20am
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OH an heres a puzzle for you - if you dont want to be nake you'll need some kind of birthing robe, and at what point do you ask everyone to leave so you can get changed into it? Excuse me...i need to slip into something more comfortable?! And if you want to be in the bath...do you wear a bikini? And if you do what happens when the baby starts coming out, do you take the bottoms of? Because then you look silly just wearing a bikini top...but you dont want your boobs on display either...its a connundrum i tell ya!
(ETA: this was my thought process before DS was born! I had many discussions about it - like if the midwife offers that you get in the bath do you ask her to leave while you put on swimwear?) |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:33am
Haha, that cracked me up  I'm by no means a naturalist (I'd NEVER wear a bikini, I'd be too shy), but I had always kind of thought that I wouldn't care so I didn't think things like that through. Good thing my DH was more with it than me, though, I'd been in the shower before we left for the birthing centre, and although I'd managed a t-shirt, he actually had to convince me to put pants on, which I'm sure anyone in the birthing centre car park would have appreciated -------------
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Posted By: CrazyCass
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:38am
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We are hopefully going to do what WG did for No.1 - not tell anyone we're in labour or what is happening till after the birth & we've had a few hours to bond.
Only DH will be with me - I dont see any reason why anyone else should be there. My sister had mum there with her which is cool, and i certainly do not want DH's mum in with me (I barely get along with her)... Its all who you are comfortable being there with you I guess. Not sure on the clothing side of things - guess we'll just do what ever happens at the time! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:52am
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oh Bowie, you crack me up! That elephant thing is really cool too. I love elephants, apparently they seem to mourn the loss of their herd and caress skulls etc of ones they've lost. They're soooo lovely! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:56am
| They're also pregnant for like 2 years. Poor bastards. |
Posted By: ChikkyD
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 10:12am
Bowie i saw your name and had to come investigate
Haha i remember having this conversation with you when we were pregnant. I was so worried about being naked infront of people (especially because i wanted to labour in a pool) i packed a bikini in my birth bag! But by the time in came to hop in the pool i was in so much pain i ended up totally nake. I would have even done the hula, naked while yodeling on the roof top if it would have got the baby out faster. Anyway what i was going to say is i had my DF there with me and it was a great comfort. I was in labour for so long i needed someone to keep me company. Maybe you might like your DH to be there to support you during the ouchie labour stage but leave for the icky pushing stage? When i was preg i was determined that DF wasn't going to look 'down there' because i was embarrassed, and he said that he didn't want to see his 'play ground' get destroyed lol but when push came to shove (literally!) he was down at the business end holding one of my legs back, telling me to breathe and encouraging me to push when i had no energy  and now he is so grateful that he got to see his little daughter take her first breath
Oh and it hasn't put him off down there either. (even though he saw me poo. a lot.) -------------   
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Posted By: MrsMJD
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 10:29am
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For me it's a weird mix of who I do and don't want there. For example Mum's are a no no. Flat out don't want either his or mine there.
DH didn't want to be there in the beginning but over the cousre of the pregnancy he has changed his mind which I'm stoked about cause I want him there. But I have organisied for a student birth educator to be there more as a support for him than me. Plus it's a great oppertunity for her as it's tough for them to get the oppertunity to be at labour and deliveries. I guess because I've been at 4 deliveries as a support person (at one I was the only support other than the staff) my perspective is a bit different. My opinion is consider your options and make best and worst case plans but don't get too detailed or focused on them, be prepared for things to change. In my job as a nurse I have worked with a lot of new mums some of whom struggled with a lot of negative feelings about their birth experience which contributed to other issues. A number of these women had had horrible birth experiences but almost as many had formulated such detailed birth plans that they were "set" on that when their delivery didn't go according to their plan they felt traumatised. I had one lady who had been SO determined to have a drug and intervention free delivery that she spent weeks afterwards talking about what a failure she felt because she'd used the gas. I felt so bad for her but it really drove home to me how important it is to be flexiable when it comes to labour. I guess my point is what you want is SUPER important but be open to changing your mind and remember that a great birth outcome is you and bubs going home! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: kiwiking
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 11:47am
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What a great topic!
DH and I have already agreed no mums. In fact, he doesn't even want his to know we're UTD and then spring it on her much later on (it's because she never tells us important family stuff and then when we find out it's "I thought you knew". He wants to do the same to her!). I would like him to be there and I have no qualms about him seeing everything. He's quite curious and has even come with me for a smear test so he could watch (think he was disappointed too!). My mum is in the UK so I doubt she would even be here. My family are coming for a visit for the RWC so not much chance they could afford another trip out here so soon. And I've not told them yet, still early days, although my sister is apparently good at keeping secrets. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: NewMummyJade
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 1:02pm
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Haha I ended up starkers coz I had a c-section. I couldnt have covered myself up if Id tried lol. I do think the anaesthetist put a towel over my boobies...
Weirdest part? Catheter insertion, then being shaved down there. Like I said. NOOOOO dignity left whatso ever. But im cool with it and i'd do it all over again in a heart beat. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 1:05pm
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For me personally I really wanted it to be just DP, me, MW (all going well of course). I didn't want my mum or DPs mum and I kinda regret that now although as I was pushing they did burst into the room as they were there when I arrived at about 10am and MW said I'd have the baby by 7pm (she arrived at 8.08pm and MIL/My mum walked in at 8pm and got told to 'GET THE F... OUT!').
Anyway, if I had needed a C-sect MIL was going to come in with me as DP and my mum didn't think they could handle the blood, etc. So MIL, having had 3 c-sects herself said she'd come. Have someone who you feel comfortable having there and will have your best interests at heart... DP and MW walked out at 5pm for dinner... Never even considered getting me some!  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: CrazyCass
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 1:17pm
That is just great! The things us girls go through to have children huh! Hmmm.. wonder if it would be a good idea to get waxed beforehand so save that part??? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 1:35pm
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high9 - I don't think DH would dare get dinner and not get me any food!
Think I'm going to have to start looking up positive birth stories because TBH it's freaking me out and I'd only just got around the idea of pregnancy not being as awful and gross and I used to think it was! At least I know at least one person who had 2 really short, really easy births. I will have to email her and get her secrets!  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 1:40pm
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Agree, leave your dignity at the door!
I was worried about being naked and in the end I was walking around without pants on because mw kept checking how far I was and DP was running around after me asking if I wanted some pants
I recently had an operation on my stomach and I hadn't thought about the fact that I'd have to a. be naked and b. didn't even contemplate that they would SHAVE me!  - didn't even realise until I went home 2 days later! That was a surprise!
The catherter during my labour wasn't too bad, I'd just had an epi so... Didn't feel a thing! And re the birth length, it's as long as it takes imo! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 1:54pm
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I am still confused why anyone would need to be completely naked. Sure, you might be more comfy or whatever...but surely there's no actual reason to be???
As for leaving dignity at the door, that's fine...I'll leave it there with DH
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 2:02pm
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There is no secret on birth length! It just is what it is... Mine ended up being 1hr 20mins established labour and 2.5 hours all up! Nothing I did helped that ... And I had practiced all my breathing and visualizing etc etc there was no time for breathing! lol ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 2:13pm
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Haha, yea, while there are definitely things you can do to make it more comfortable and help things along, there isn't any secret to a quick easy labour! You get what you get... all the prep in the world won't mean that things couldn't possibly go pear-shaped.
Why be naked? Well, why not... I mean, I can't see any reason to take your top off if you don't want to, but if I'm hopping in a pool this time (hopefully I manage it second time round!) I will, I hate wearing wet clothes and from memory, I'm sure not going to be arsed putting a bikini top on or something (besides, I'd have to buy one). Trust me, you're having a baby. You're not going to be thinking "they can see my boobies". It just works like that. I know how you feel - it's all big and scary, and involves stuff that you'd never do now if someone paid you a million dollars. I have no issues with the world seeing my lady-bits, but was scared I'd make embarrassing noises. Yea... when you're there, it doesn't matter. You just don't care. Hard for you to believe now, but so true. -------------
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Posted By: Brunettie86
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 2:30pm
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This is really interesting because almost everyone I know with children never told the birth story - well the gory bits anyway.
Like some of you, it hadn't crossed my mind that I didn't have to have DH there. I want him there, and I'm sure he feels the same. I would be pretty peeved if he didn't considering he gets his hands right into it at lambing time! It is just a natural thing. The only issue I have is I am not sure I am wanting him to see me poop - on the day, I'm sure I won't care what he sees. From what I have heard, the aftermath of bleeding and clots and needing help with stuff will be just as gross anyway. I had my first appointment with my MW last week - she said don't plan too much for the birth. She had one girl who had a whole page of how it was going to go and almost everything on it didn't happen on the day. I will take the advice of going with the flow! No Mums or anyone else though. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Cinderella
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 3:10pm
I can't handle food in labour. Even for a few hours after. It comes straight back up lol. I had 6 people in the room with my first son. DH and 5 hosp people etc. Funny thing was we were all different nationalities. I was so close to loosing him I really didn't care who was there. I just wanted him to survive. He has just turned 15 and is sitting his license in a couple of weeks. |
Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 3:27pm
| I really did not like the feeling of clothes while in labour esp on my belly. They were too tight/itchy/hot/twisted/scratchy tags etc. Not that i was nude nude i had a bra on but that was about it! Besides if you're naked you can hose the blood (or in my case, meconium) of as well! |
Posted By: Cinderella
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 4:23pm
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I had a hospital gown in both cases. DH was by my head and said he really couldn't see much. The first stage of labour while your cervix is dilating can be long especially with your first. Having DH there gave me company and someone to talk to when I got scared. At that stage I was completely covered so no one could see anything and I could get up and move around if I wanted to.
It is only the second stage where my gown was around my waist and at that point I just wanted it to end. As I was reading this thread, I was talking to my BF and asked her about her too deliveries. She said the second one (she was seperated from DP) she had one leg on he DP arse using it to push lol |
Posted By: ....
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 8:59pm
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A dressing gown/bathrobe is a good idea, I hadn't thought about that. Don't want to be naked, but I hadn't really thought about how skin-to-skin would work with a shirt on.
I'm packing a bunch of big shirts from the Warehouse ($6 each - win!) and will wear one of those in the bath (as I will have extra to change into) and for wandering around as they're long enough I won't have to worry about pants. |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 10:52pm
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Interesting thread.
I definitely recommend having 2 people, both to support you. I had my DH & My Mum. Mum was only decided the week before I had #1 cause our Antenatal teacher suggested one, we weren't 100% certain on it until the day. She was fantastic though. Use the hospital gowns, they've got fancy openings. I remember saying with DD that I could have given birth in the Cake tin to a full crowd & not realised I was there. I was naked for part of #1's labour & that was cause I was in the bath, I think I put a gown on after I got out?? #2 didn't have time lol ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 28 June 2011 at 11:13pm
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I dont think you *need* to be fully nakies if you dont want to be. I arrived at the hospital in trackies and a top and laboured with them on until I was transferred to the birthing suite (about 30 minutes after we arrived at the hospital).
I didnt end up taking my top off until I needed to start pushing. But that was mostly due to design of my labour than choice. Mine happened all too quickly to even think about scratching myself let alone what clothes I had on or not lol... THB, I think when it comes to the time, you wont give two hoots what your wearing or not wearing, unless its pissing you off. Again, dont set any expectations and do what you are comfortable with. ------------- Our Angel July 08 Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived
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Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 12:34am
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I was naked...well, I had a hospital gown underneath me, but it was fully open and everything was hanging out and I just didn't give two hoots!! It was easier for me to be naked though - I had two monitors on my tummy (one for each twin), was getting checked every 15-20 mins to see how fast I was dilating (I needed a c-s and the first on-call registrar wouldn't send me up to theatre), and I had three million nurses and doctors wandering in and out doing their things (I had 2 nurses, a registrar and finally an ED doc just to put in my IV line )
My original thoughts - the girl's dad was going to be in there with me, but only at the head end (he doesn't do gore very well). If I needed a c-s, my mum would be with me. What actually happened??? I didn't want DH anywhere near me, he just annoyed me. When Mum arrived, she took over and I have absolutely no idea where DH went LOL After 5.5 hours in labour I finally got sent up to theatre where I had my epi and the c-s was done (again - I was naked - was just easier) and then the girls were wheeled out and down to NNU, he followed them and about 20 min later (the time it took for them to stitch me up) came back up to see me and take me down to NNU to see my girls and hold them. So....moral of my story?? It wasn't that I HAD to be naked, and it wasn't that DH HAD to be there - I just went with whatever felt comfortable on the day and it so happened that it was being naked (I didn't care, or even notice I was naked, I was concentrating on other more important things like making it through my contractions LOL) and that I preferred my mum being there than DH (maybe cos she had been through it 5 times already???). There is NO WAY my MIL would have been in there, although I know she wanted to be, because I wasn't at all comfortable with that. |
Posted By: babydoll09
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 10:35am
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I think if i tried to say to my DH you can't watch your child being born he'd divorce me lol tho it does feel like we've been thru such a struggle to get here. In saying that theres no way i wouldn't want him there. I want him to see and hear exactly how hard it is to get our baby here.
Not only would he be there 'probably eyes glues to the crowning head' i want my best friend there taking photos for me to see when i come round. Your having a baby i dont think you should worry so much about how it comes out, just that you get a baby at the end of it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 12:49pm
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Some of your stories really made me laugh! Great topic...
DH is coming in with me, I couldn't imagine doing it without him. He has an incredible calming effect on me, I think I'll be needing that! I think I will lean on him that day like I've never lean't on him in my life. Not sure about the whole completely naked thing though. The thought of me lying on the bed with my boobs hanging down somewhere under my armpits makes me cringe just a smidge. Perhaps a t-shirt for me until I forgot about how I look....or care. I am very much looking forward to giving this child birth thing a crack
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 1:37pm
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Well, we all have our different feelings on the subject. It's only in recent years that it even became thinkable for a man to be in the delivery room.
I'm not traditional in most senses, (had a pagan wedding), but I think the idea of women helping each other through birth is much more my thing...as long as it's not anyone I know! I know you're gonna say that some dr's will be men...but the least amount of men (& people) I can have the better, that's all. And don't worry, I won't be too rigid in my planning. I just want as much privacy as poss, I'm sure DH will be with me until the main part...then he can...pace the corridor in case, in a fit of madness, I demand him back in. I just can't see me doing that! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: troutpout
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 1:59pm
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Lol BG, I wore one of DH's ACDC tshirts This was quickly destined for the bin, as he'd "never get all the vagina gook off it anyway". Men!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 2:06pm
That's a good reminder not to wear anything you like to the birth (if ya get chance to think that far ahead that is.) Poor tshirt! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Cinderella
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 2:45pm
| With my first I was so well organised. When it actually happened it was so strong that I couldn't even talk coherrantly let alone remember where I had put my bag lol. It didn't even occur to me to think about what I was wearing. |
Posted By: Hopes
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 2:47pm
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I wore one of DHs t-shirts too. I have a soft spot for it now, I'm rather fond of that t-shirt! -------------
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Posted By: Cinderella
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 2:52pm
| I don't think I had the option of my own clothes. Or if I did it was never mentioned. I was just instructed to get into a hospital gown. |
Posted By: Red
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 4:41pm
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I just had me, DH and midwife and it was awesome.
And in the pool, I wore nothing, don't see the point. Cos with bubs being born in the water, would make skin to skin awkward if you had a top on. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 8:17pm
| I still have the (stained) bra i was wearing when max was born...i dont wear it or anything but i also can't bear to chuck it out! |
Posted By: Alley-cat
Date Posted: 30 June 2011 at 8:30am
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I second the use of a DH t-shirt, being naked wasn't going to be an issue for me as it was a homebirth privacy wasn't an issue... and if I was concerned about hubby seeing me naked I doubt I would have ended up pregnant :) I just felt like I needed something on, after all it was the middle of winter (although we had super heated the house)
I think we all need to have a flexible plan, if we are too rigid we set ourselves up for failure, but if we don't at least think about these things then we might feel forced into something that we later regret because we were in a vunerable place. I was quite happy to have DH there, but I also would have been happy if he wasn't there. I didn't need him there but I also thought it probably wasn't fair to kick him out of the house! I think for DH it was more important. For me it was about establishing roles, as a women it is my body that was giving birth, so DH was told on no uncertain terms if he mentioned anything about how I should breathe etc... he would be thrown out (I would have too). But instead he was great, I told him what I saw his role as beforehand and because we have been though so much together before the birth we had already established a very strong trust. Personally I see the man's role as being the silent protector, I told him it was his job to make me feel safe, to bring me what i needed and to keep the house warm. Talk it over with you husband, if you need to work on your relationship to have more trust or to feel more comfortable with him, then do it. Ask yourself what do you want from him, and tell him what you see his role is, giving him a task or responsibilty (whether he is there or not) will make him feel included. I am also reminded of Michel Odent an obstetrician who I believe did not attend the birth of any of his four children, because he believed that his presence would inhibit the birth process. Whatever you decide make sure you listen to those instincts ------------- 
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Posted By: Reffinej
Date Posted: 30 June 2011 at 12:14pm
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Alley Cat - nicely put. I've got one of the most understanding, lovable husbands you could wish for. I'm super lucky. And that just makes my decisions easier. When I brought it up he didn't even hesitate to understand. He's happy either way. He'll happily be nearby, on standby if needs be.
I was just talking to a friend of mine who is qualified as a nurse. She was totally in agreement with me about not wanting her partner their when it happens. Seems we both feel pretty much the same about it. I'm actually surprised so many partners are so keen to be there! If anyone asked me to be at their birth I'd do almost anything to get out of it! lol! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 01 July 2011 at 1:46am
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Those of you who want to be alone during labour, have you heard of Freebirthing? Its not for everyone, but it is for some!
I would have had DH, MW, student MW, my sister, my mum in the room if I had given birth, but since I had a section there was DH and a whole bunch of Drs and nurses etc... I would have DHs mum there too but a bit hard with her being in a diff country, although Im trying to get her here with number 2. And I will have DD there too. Im not a nakey person, and people said when it comes time I wont care if I am nakey, but I never got to that point Maybe this time!------------- 
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 01 July 2011 at 10:48am
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Are you planning home or hospy this time Emmi? Just wondering how the hospy might react to you bringing a toddler? ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Emmi_
Date Posted: 01 July 2011 at 10:58am
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haha I think Im leaning towards HB, I dont want all the extra pressure that comes with a hospital birth, expecially having a VBAC...
And if I do end up at the hospital (and I still want DD there) I dont care waht tehy say, shes coming, its my body, my baby, my child, my birthing room. If I decide I dont want her there (Im not 100% sold on the HB, not sure why, which is silly cos its everything I want (and more!)) and Im transfered to hospital then it might not be the best place to have DD there anyway (like transferring for distress reasons etc) Does that make sense? -------------
+1 May 09 Angel
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Posted By: Hayz001
Date Posted: 01 July 2011 at 4:28pm
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Just wanted to quickly recommend the website www.birthstories.co.nz as you mentioned wanting to read good experiences- I know for me it actually made me super pumped to give birth and really gave me the knowledge that every single birth is different and that what is right for person isn't necessarily right for others. I actually read the website in the early stages of labour and used bits out of one of them as affirmations in labour....
For me, I had planned on my DH and MW, in the end it turned out to be DH, back up MW, clinical charge MW and obstetrician- but I had to ask DH afterwards who was there as I had no idea I was so 'in the zone' haha. we planned to tell our parents etc when I was in labour but it all happened so quickly that we only told everyone after she was born. As for what to wear - I had not one, but two pretty little nighties to wear in labour HAHAHAHAHA in the end I wore a gigantic hospital gown which I wish i'd taken off as I got so gross and sweaty. Motherhood is glamorous from the get go ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 01 July 2011 at 5:27pm
I didn't even consider asking DH if he wanted to be there or not, I assumed he did. It wasn't until someone mentioned it on here that I thought to ask him (this was after baby number 2, lol) and he looked at me like, 'where else would I be??'. Good to know we were on the same page 
With my first I only wanted DH & MW there (felt a bit self-concious). Though after he was born I ended up with a fully retained placenta so got transferred to the hospital and had heaps of people in the theater while the dr had her arm, ummm, up 'there' TBH I was so euphoric after giving birth (mixed with tiredness from a long-ish labour and blood-loss) that I didn't really notice who was there!
With number 2 I had a student mw too and thought about asking MIL, but I wouldn't have asked my own Mum! As much as I love my Mum she fusses too much and would have irritated me. So I didn't ask MIL as I know Mum would have been hurt. With number 3 I had another student mw and then Mum turned up literally just after bub arrived! The student mw distractred her while I got tidied up. With this one I plan to just have DH & MW again and if she has a student then them too. eta: Wow, what a ramble ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 01 July 2011 at 5:28pm
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Oh and in reagrds to clothes I had a singlet and sarong on to begin with but ended up naked at some point because it felt more comfortable. ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |