Helping a worried Hubby???
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38905
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Topic: Helping a worried Hubby???
Posted By: BikeBaby
Subject: Helping a worried Hubby???
Date Posted: 23 April 2011 at 12:51pm
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I'm sure that this is normal but my husband is starting to stress about having our first baby (we are 26weeks).
He is really looking forward to having our baby but is worried he won't be able to look after me and bub (I have an illness that means he does lots for me already). He's worried about money and feels that it's up to him to bring in more but with working full time and looking after me he is already working 24/7! Has anyone got any advice on how to calm him and re-assure him? He is an amazing husband and is going to be an amazing dad ... I just can't seem to convince him of this! He is also usually so laid back I'm not sure how to deal with this new side of him, usually it's him making me lessed stressed! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: LJsmum
Date Posted: 23 April 2011 at 7:32pm
 It can be stressful as the weeks go by and the reality sets in. The same thing happened to my DH before DS1 was born. He started getting headaches and wasn't himself. He didn't even realise he was worried about it and went to the doctor thnkng it was something else. But he was worried about how we would cope on one income and how i would recover from the c section.
What helped was talking about it with him, acknowledging it is scary and hard but we are in it together and will support each other. Do you have family that can help you and DH after babies born? to support you both? Can you get support for your illness, home help to help as well? this may help you DH as well. have you got friends who have had a baby that your DH could talk to? Tips on how they cope on one income e.t.c? this helped my Dh and just relaxing, spending time together. good luck it is perfectly normal to be worried. hope that helped a bit  -------------  
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Posted By: BikeBaby
Date Posted: 23 April 2011 at 10:02pm
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Thanks for the advice. All good things to think and talk about. I think just being able to show him that other dad's to be feel the same might help him too ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Mama2two
Date Posted: 24 April 2011 at 1:29am
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It is stressful - I think in some ways it is harder for the boys as at least as the Mums we are living the pregnancy day by day and have other things to think about.
I know my DH felt a lot of pressure before our daughter was born. We had never intended for me to be a SAHM (although it worked out that way in the end) but even the thought of being the only income for 6 months was a lot of stress for him. Also he always used to joke about the fact that I would have maternal instinct to fall back on (yeah right!) but he knew nothing about babies and used to worry that he wouldn't bond with our daughter. I don't know what your income levels are like, but there is help from Working for Families and accomodation supplements available to help supplement money coming in. It might help take a little pressure off his shoulders maybe if he knows there is something to fall back on? Also there are lots of places out there that will help you out with care, housework etc. Ask at your local Plunket to see what's available. I never realised at the time how much free help is actually available to new parents. Wish I had now looking back. I think the fact that he is worrying already shows what a great Dad he will be. The thing to remember is that babies don't actually need lots of fancy clothes and toys to be happy. They just need a loving enviroment and plenty of cuddles from their parents. I'm sure your DH will be a great Daddy. Good Luck  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: BikeBaby
Date Posted: 24 April 2011 at 7:56am
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Thanks ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Faffer
Date Posted: 24 April 2011 at 9:01am
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Would it help him if you two sat down together and worked through a projected budget? You could do some research on what things will cost, what financial assistance is available, etc first.
A lot of men feel better about the unknown of a first baby by doing something practical to prepare. It must be hard for them looking in from the outside during the pregnancy while we're living it day to day. -------------  
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Posted By: sarasal
Date Posted: 24 April 2011 at 10:41am
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It is totally normal - I think all dads-to-be have some worries. It's such an enormous change for both of you but I think it can be hard for dads because the mum gets all the concern and support and the dad hardly gets mentioned. So it's really good that you are considering his feelings.
I don't know what to tell you about his specific concerns but I think there are quite a few books on the subject - try the library or contact La Leche League, Homebirth Association etc - they have huge collections of parenting books on a wide range of topics that you can borrow. It might help him to read about it. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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