HELP 16 mth old challenging times
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36658
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Topic: HELP 16 mth old challenging times
Posted By: Sez26
Subject: HELP 16 mth old challenging times
Date Posted: 13 November 2010 at 9:37am
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DS is refusing to sit in a pram. He crys and throws his arms and legs around. Sometimes I have him walking but he refuses to hold my hand all the time and wants to be carried. I'm pregnant with our second child so I can't be carrying him around the mall - he's a big boy! It would be much easier if he would just stay in the pram. On the rare occasions that he will stay in the pram for a while it is only because I'm feeding him crackers continuosly. Any ideas on how to keep him happy in a pram?
Also, DS has become very clingy since we stayed a couple of nights at my parents. He loves his grandparents, but obviously he didn't like the change. Whenever I leave the room he panicks and chases me screaming. Sometimes I reassure him that it's ok other times I try and ignore it - what's the best way of dealing with this? I thought having a newborn was hard but I'm actually finding this stage harder. I always take him to fun activites and play with him a lot at home, but no matter what I do he's never happy. Maybe I should just stay home all day because taking him to activities can be embarrassing and difficult sometimes when all the other children are playing happily and mine is attached to my hip and still grizzly. How on earth am I going to handle DS and a newborn! Any suggestions and / or support would be great. |
Replies:
Posted By: E&L+1
Date Posted: 13 November 2010 at 12:08pm
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For the pram your options as I see it are
A) get a harness for him. You might get a few looks but he will have a bit more freedom than holding your hand. IMO they are no different from strapping them into a pram. The only difference is in the pram they are sitting down. B) If he wants to be carried I would try a carrier like an ergo or manduca. He can then go on your back and his weight will be evenly distributed. I can carry DD for ages in my manduca she is 10kg, the carrier is rated up until 20kg. Bonus will be that you can use it after your new baby arrives for both of them. C) persevere with the pram so he knows that there is no option. If it's one that faces away from you it could be worth trying one where he can see you. DD went though a stage for about 2 months where she fought being put in the pram and in the carseat. She hated it, if I wanted her in the pram/car I insisted and left her there despite her protest she soon learnt that she didn't have a choice. Although I tended to carry her more than use the pram during this time. Playing games like peek a boo, and find mummy help the separation things. I would tell him that you are leaving the room and ask if he wants to come. I do this with DD and if I hear her grizzle after I have gone I call out to her and she will often come and find me. It will pass extra cuddles will help too I would imagine. If he is upset at activities I would sit with him until he feels comfortable and ready to move off and join in. Or have a break from them for a couple of weeks and try again when he is a bit more settled. HTH  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: whitewave
Date Posted: 13 November 2010 at 8:29pm
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I agree with everything Esmesmum said!
At that age its very common for separation anxiety to be at its peak, Campbell was certainly acting in a similar way at that age. So its very likely a phase. But maybe taking it easy with the outings and activities for awhile may also help both him and you. |
Posted By: Rainbow
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 5:55pm
I too have a challenging 16 month old! Car seat tantrums as I try to strap him in, tantrums at nappy change time, tantrums basically anytime he can't get his own way!! I try to see it that perhaps the positive will be that he will get it out of this system before our no.2 arrives in a few months time....wishful thinking?!? And this too shall pass..... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 10:44pm
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Both mine were like this at this stage, I personally have found the 12-18mths age the hardest time so far! Jake was at his worst from 13-16mths then came right about 17months, when his language was really good so he got less frustrated. I know some kids who don't speak so early carry on for a little longer being frustrated, but I think talking / being understood helps alot.
Morgan is 16 mths now and is quite clingy / has seperation anxiety, which I'm finding hard (its been about 2 months of it) as she was a very independent baby!!! She is still fine with daycare etc, but when I'm around doesn't like me going out of sight. We also have the carseat drama every now and then, nappy changing drama, constant tantrums when she doesn't ger her own way etc. I'm trying to ignore the tantrums when shes doing something she shouldn't, let her come with me / be with me when I can, and not let her know that a tantrum will get her out of something - like the car or pram - she tends to want to stay in the pram (instead of not get in) but the same principle applies .... you just do what you need to and ignore the yelling. So I would just put him in the pram and keep walking! My sister made the mistake of carrying around her daughter all the time when she wanted out - til she got too heavy - and then had some nightmare tantrums to stop carrying her when she was 2!! But eventually they get the idea that you will not give it (as long as you don't give in! lol). It is just a phase ... it gets better .... ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: Sez26
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 9:42am
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Thanks everyone for the very helpful advice.
We will take a break from some activites this week and I'm not going to give up on shopping. I'll just have to be confident and try and put up with him grizzling for a while in the pram. Eventually he might get it... Thanks again
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Posted By: E&L+1
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 12:56pm
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Hope things go well for you sez25 ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Nikki
Date Posted: 15 November 2010 at 9:21pm
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Good luck!
I forgot to add to my novel .... I would take a break from some of the activities if you're both not happy going, but keep doing something -- and when you go just let him cling to you and don't get stressed or worry about what anyone else thinks. Just let him observe and when hes completely comfortable he will start participating. This may take a matter of minutes, or weeks, but just perservere til hes comfortable enough to join in.  ------------- DS (5yrs) and DD (3yrs) |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 16 November 2010 at 3:19pm
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I agree with the other ladies that it's bound to be a stage. I'd persevere with the shopping and put him in the pram, it's the safest place for him. Mind you i would limit the shopping to necessary things probably.
I'd also keep up at least one group and like above just let him sit with you if that's what he wants to do. My 2.5 yo often spends all of mainly music lying on me and will barely even sit or stand up! He's taking it all in tho, gets home and does all the movements there. It will get better too, or different anyway. Just got to tough it out. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: Sez26
Date Posted: 16 November 2010 at 3:58pm
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I've learnt over the last few days is to involve him in everything! When shopping it helps to always talk to him, point things out and get him to hold items. I usually go shopping with a friend and most of the time it's us gossiping and not alot of attention on him. This must be very frustrating for him, but I need adult conversation. I will have to try my hardest to include him.
Also at home, if he's going to follow me around all day I might as well get him to help out. He loved putting all the toilet rolls in the cupboard, getting nappies and helping with washing today. Definately pays to just step back and relax and think about whats going to work best for everyone. Thanks again for all the helpful tips. |
Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 16 November 2010 at 8:33pm
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I thought it was supposed to be terrible 2's not terrible 1 1/2s. Please don't tell me it gets worse.
My boys 16mths. I'm UTD with #2. He's a bit of a tantrum thrower, but different/worse for me v's DH or others. I'm planning on getting a baby leash this weekend. We live central Wellington, I can't have him running onto the roads and he won't hold my hand. As for continuous crackers. For us it's in the car seat, and I just give him the crackers. I'd much rather clean up the crumbs later than listen to the crying. I agree with Rainbow, I just sigh and say "it's just a phase, this too shall pass" and concentrate on the neat things he's doing now that he couldn't a couple of months back. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Sez26
Date Posted: 16 November 2010 at 9:02pm
| I know what you mean about crackers in the car seat... I always said I would never let my children eat in the car, pram or anywhere else except the highchair. Mainly because I was a clean freak and didn't think it was safe to have them eating while I'm driving. Oh how quickly that changed :-) |
Posted By: crafty1
Date Posted: 17 November 2010 at 1:10pm
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haha sez - indeed all the i'll never do thats come back to bite us aye.
my boy likes to help too and tho it takes so much longer everyone is happy if i let him do it and i figure he is learning. his fav toys are the vaccum cleaner, mower, iron - anything like that. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Rainbow
Date Posted: 17 November 2010 at 9:36pm
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Sez25 - I LOVE your ideas of getting him to help out in the easy jobs at home. i was just imagining him toddling along beside you and stacking the toilet rolls away for you! Great stuff. Think I will try more of this too.
We got a baby leash thing the other week. So far my DS just sits down and won't move like one of those stubborn dogs you sometimes see so not sure it will be successful but I think that despite this and other people's opinions on them, safety has to be no.1. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: mummymonster
Date Posted: 18 November 2010 at 9:40am
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I'm all for baby leashes. You can't reason with a 16mth old. DS has given up walking in favour of running. Living in a city it's just too dangerous for him. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: FionaO
Date Posted: 23 November 2010 at 3:44pm
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Just to add my thoughts, I found 18 months a hard age, bit between not really sure what they want but really wanting you a lot, it does pass, it will be a phase. Sounds like you are doing an awesome job, I found at that age he was hard work going somewhere and it made outings tricky so i cut back or just made sure I went at his pace DS was the same getting him involved talking to them is great, he is far more independent now and i've not changed he is just a bit older and a bit more sure of himself. Distraction works a treat when I am trying to do something I know he is not keen on, I talking super enthusiastically about things we can see what is going on. I have commented many times as he gets older why oh why did I think a newborn was hard
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