Finding out the gender - yes or no?
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Category: Pregnant
Forum Name: Pregnancy
Forum Description: Pregnant! Wanting to chat to other mums-to-be (or dads-to-be)? Share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas... This is that place!
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Topic: Finding out the gender - yes or no?
Posted By: Nightingale
Subject: Finding out the gender - yes or no?
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 9:43pm
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Hi Ladies,
The big question! To find out the sex or wait for a surprise? What are you doing? I'm so confused! I was sure for a surprise but now I'm umming and aaahhing as I love the idea of being able to create a nursery suited to a son or daughter specifically and wonder if I might bond better with baby knowing the gender in advance. Does that sound silly? My DH really, really wants to find out too but what's putting me off is that someone once said to me that nobdy would be excited about our having the baby if everyone knows what we were having. Deep down I know that is crap but I still have it at the back of my mind! Some members (ok, a certain member) of my family is VERY opinionated on this topic and left me feeling really upset after I pondered finding out and this was a year or so ago! It took me 3 years to get preggers so I've been thinking about this for yonks! Interested to know what you decided and why . . . ------------- ME:30 DH: 30 DS#1: Cohen (27.6.2011) DS#2: Due 13th December 2012 |
Replies:
Posted By: fallen
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 9:56pm
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Congratulations on your pregnancy! If you do decide to find out the gender you don't have to tell everyone/anyone.
We're finding out. No particular reason, just 'cuz we can' LOL Good luck with your decision. ------------- |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 9:57pm
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Dp wanted a surprise with DD but I wanted to find out in the end I twisted his arm by saying is he/she showed us and the sonographer could tell us then we'd find out if not - surprise! Well we ended up finding out and it was helpful because DP was dead set on a boy and not a girl so he took about 30 mins to come round/warm up to the idea of a daughter! (Guess it was a scary thought!) and now he adores DD!
I would like a surprise next time but dp wants to find out because 'I ruined his surprise last time' so maybe we'll compromise again - I don't know! It is handy knowing because you can colour co-ordinate etc. Re bonding, I don't know if it helped... Before finding out I remember sitting in the car waiting for DP and thinking 'Wow in a years time I am going to have a X month old. I can't believe I've created another human and wow I can't believe how much I love you already and would do anything for you...' and all that changed for me was baby suddenly became a she and I picked her name pretty much immediately which was great too - I would sit and talk to her and say her name, etc. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 10:28pm
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We found out with our 2. Just coz i was impatient and wanted to know. lol. I really wanted to know if i was right about what sex they were (i was) and i wanted to be able to buy boys or girls clothes.
But if we have a 3rd we won't be finding out. I really like the idea of having a surprise next time. I don't think finding out would have any affect on people being excited, and if it did well they would just be silly. Maybe you could wait till the day and see how you feel then. Congrats on your pregnancy by the way.  ------------- 
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Posted By: Babykatnz
Date Posted: 09 November 2010 at 11:14pm
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I have found out, and, apart from a couple of close friends (godparents, and 2 others as we needed to let them know if we would need to borrow baby clothes or not) noone else knows the gender... we will be keeping it that way until the day baby arrives. I did find with Jae that the text that went out was a bit anti-climactic as everyone already knew she was a girl, the day she was arriving (elective c-section) and what her name would be... only thing left was time and weight which was deflating TBH... but I needed to know whether to keep or sell either my DS or DD's stuff, and how to rearrange bedrooms etc, so we found out. but as I said... everyone else can wait til March... its fun seeing their guesses based on tummy shape compared to DD though! ------------- Brandon - 05/12/2003  
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Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 5:35am
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Didn't find out with either. I've been more tempted with this one but have resisted as I know I would be disappointed in myself as soon as I knew. I like the surprise. I'm not bothered either way and the only reason I'd find out would be to buy clothes, which to me, wasn't a good enough reason! Also having not found out with #1, I couldn't justify finding out with #2. If I did have a strong preference, I don't know what I'd do. I worry that if I found out it was the sex I wasn't so keen on at 20 weeks, would that make me feel a bit blah for the next 20 weeks. I remember the feeling of them putting Dan on me after he was born and with all the hormones and the sheer delight at labour being over, I didn't give a toss what he was!
There's no right or wrong. If you don't know what you want to do, you can always get the sonographer to write it on a piece of paper. If one wants to know and the other doesn't, that person could find out and just keep it a secret. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: newme
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 6:52am
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We found out with both of ours and have never regretted it, and no-one was any less excited or pleased for us.
You have plenty of time to decide though. :) |
Posted By: Panda289
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 8:06am
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I know that i definitely want to find out early as i am too impatient to wait!
As for other people i haven't made my mind up whether we tell them or not but i don't think it will make much difference as this is the first grandchild for both sides  We also wont decide on a name till the birth anyway! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 8:08am
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We found out with our little girl, which was a good thing in that she was unexpected and we needed to know so we could get things together for her.
In retrospect it was doubly good as we both would have liked a boy just cause thats what we would have known how to deal with. (IFYGWIM). It gave us time to get our head round the little girl bit, and pick a name and make her "real" to us. Hehe we love her all the same and I'm just one of those people who prefers to know. I'll find out with our second too. Its a very personal decision and while we told everyone that other than sonographer error she was definitely a girl, but you most certainly don't have to tell anyone. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: RedHeadDuck
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 9:07am
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I don't understand why you have to find out to "get ready"... But thats just me, we didn't find out and it was SO EXCITING! People were so excited for us waiting to know, and I had sooo many people comment on how awesome it was that we didn't know.
Sure it made shopping a bit of a mission, but we didn't need to know to "get ready". We still managed to do the room up, and buy everything, that we could possibly need. Only difference was instead of buying pink or blue, we bought a lot of whites and yellows  I bought a wee few nice things for each gender, and was really excited to pack both of them in my hospital bag.
It was my Mums job to go buy the pink or blue blanket (she knew which one I wanted) and she was sooo excited to go into the shop and finally be able to get the BLUE one!!!! We just had a couple of names for each gender picked out, DH was soooo freaking STOKED with himself ringing everyone going "it's a BOY!!!!" that he forgot to tell everyone what time it was born, weight, name etc lol
Our friends had a baby the same day, they also didn't know what they were having and they ended up with a girl, the dad told us he was so set on having a boy- but when she was born he didn't even bother to look for ages, and was so excited to ring everyone saying it was a girl, that he didn't realise until the next day that it wasn't a boy! Hadn't even noticed, lol. He was just soooo proud and excited and stoked to ring everyone telling them it was a girl. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 10:37am
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MC I agree, you don't need to know to get ready unless you really want to colour co-ordinate etc. We didn't bother much but and I don't really have many pink frilly things for DD (unless grandparents have bought it). It was nice to have gender neutral stuff which can be used for #2.
I do wish I had kept the gender a surprise but it was nice knowing at the same time as well and my friends weren't any more/less excited tbh, but I think I surprise next time would be nice and exciting! Especially comparing it to what pregnancy was like with DD and trying to guess! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 11:05am
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This is my first baby, and we found out.
Reasons being because DH wanted to find out, and I didn't have a strong feeling not to. Also, I respect the opinion that you don't need to know to plan/ organise the nursery, but for me I knew I was finishing work at 30 weeks with no plans to go back anytime soon and money would be tight after that, so I wanted to get everything I needed in the right colour and do up the room for the gender, while I still had money to. For me that was really important. Im big on gender colours, hehe. I really enjoyed finding out because up until I did, I had trouble bonding because I still couldn't believe I was pregnant. It took a while to get pregnant and the whole thing was so surreal for a long time. But once I found out I was having a boy and named him, bought things just for him and talked about him, imagined what he would look like, it helped me to see him as my baby and bond with him so much more than I ever could before. I realise other people don't need that but that's how it was for me. I think next time we might have a surprise, just so we have tried both sides of the coin. I do agree that I find it a little deflating that people know he's a boy and they know his name (I wasn't telling the name but my inlaws/parents have told people so it kinda got out) and it'd be nice to have a surprise on the day, so maybe next time we will try that. But I don't regret my decision at all :) ETA: For me people knowing the gender hasn't made them care less if anything it's made them more interested because they have been planning what they might do with him, buying gifts just for him, talking about what he might be like. It's been a bonding process really for us all :) ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Kalimirella
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 11:20am
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Hmm just to say the reason we wanted to know to get ready was cause we didn't have lots of money, so we needed to know whos handme downs to ask for and how much we needed to save for clothes etc.
I'm sure with planned babies its a bit different as you already have money put aside to buy such things. ------------- Kiara is 3 and Teagan is 2, now we're expecting our long awaited 3rd! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 12:07pm
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We didn't find out...I really thought I would want to and DH didn't want to....but then we switched and he did and I didn't and in the end we decided a surprise. I was certain DS was a boy and he was and I think I would have been astounded if he came out a she! Wouldn't have been worried either way tho.
We certainly didn't decorate the baby's room in gender specific colours, I like the idea of using the same baby things for the next baby so kept it yellowy, and the same with baby clothes...it makes me sad enough the clothes he wears now to think that there might not be another baby to wear some of them....and any of the wee baby boy clothes make me sad to look at....of course we might have another boy but then might just be girls from now on. That's the nice thing about the gender neutral clothes, they can get worn again....ooooh sweet little babies, I want another! ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: Marengo
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 12:17pm
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regardless of the time you find out the sex, it will still be a surprise! do what you want to do and stuff anyone elses opinion :)
when me and partner found out it was a HUGE shock as i was 100% sure i was having a boy! had convinced partner too.. so the moment was precious and we will always treasure that moment too.. jsut as we would if we found out at birth. we found out because i was just desperate to know and so was partner, we couldnt wait to buy gender specific clothes and toys and stuff and found out as soon as we could! (plus i'm a horsie girl so wanted to know if i could start plastering the room with horsie stuff and buying little horsie tshirts lol) its such apersonal choice, i'm so impatient i could never wait, and couldnt care less if family/friends/anyone knew before she is born either so tell anyone who cares to ask, the thing we are keeping a secret however is her name.. it will be lovely to be able to tell people 'little ******* ******** was born today weighing ** *** " ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
Our angel Ella Louise born 13.04.
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Posted By: frankie
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 12:23pm
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Congrats on your pregnancy after such a hard road trying!
I'm a fan of sticking with your initial gut feeling. We were adamant about not finding out but close to 20 week scan day we wavered a bit, as like you we liked the idea of setting up a colour coded nursery etc. We decided not to give in to temptation as we knew we could always go back for another scan if really desperate to know. We are so glad now that we have waited, only a few days out from bubs arrival it is the most exciting thing to not know what we are having. Of course I am sure its exciting if you do know too, but it really feels special not knowing if we will have a son or daughter at the moment, but that in a few days time we will know! In saying that I have friends who experience the "oh my gosh we're having a ?" at the scan and I am sure it is just as special as finding out at birth, its just at a different time. We have done a neutral nursery but I think that's ok because if we are lucky enough to have number 2, we can move our firstborn into another room and decorate that according to the gender, leaving the baby's room neutral for the next one. The only downside I think is that the clothes I have are pretty ho hum but it won't be for long. I actually have one or two things each in blue or pink, as I couldn't resist! I am sure you will make the right decision for you :) ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: Marengo
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 1:01pm
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just have to add too, i love at the moment being able to say 'my daughter' and being able to call her by name, its helping it all sink in as its been hard for me to believe i'm preg after trying for a while also.. even with a massive bump and baby kicking away i still am in some disbelief
and my partner is funny he likes buying wee frilly dresses and girly things ready for her, and he has enjoyed being able to buy wee girl bits and pieces and everything pink lol.. i just let him do whatever :) hes very excited to be having a daugter.. though i think whatever we ended up having it would have been the same, lots of very BOY things if it was the other way around :) ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
Our angel Ella Louise born 13.04.
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Posted By: clover
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 1:51pm
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We haven't found out. We're both really looking forward to the surprise. But each to their own, I don't feel the need to have a girl or boy nursery and figure that if I have another of the opposite sex further down the track I can reuse everything. I think it is a personal choice, no right or wrong answer. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Kellyfer
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 1:58pm
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Congrats on your pregnancy!
I really need to stop lurking in this thread, since I'm not pg anymore, I'm just so excited for all the preggy ladies out there!! But here's my 2 cents anyways... We found out what we were having, mosly because I am a control freak lol. DH would have been happy to not know, but I wanted to and he didn't want to not know if I did. In regards to bonding, I found that I did bond more after that point, but I think that came down to feeling movements and stuff as well - my growing belly and actually starting to feel pregnant. For DS's room, we had painted it a neutral yellow with white furniture anyway, and then when we found out we were having a boy, we bought a boy-themed frieze, so if you decided not to find out, that would be an easy way of making the room gender specific if you wanted to. There is always going to be one relative who has an opinion against anything you do, and if you really think they are going to be worried, just don't tell them what you decide! And people are always excited about a new baby, even if they know gender, name etc, a new baby is a new baby! For me and DH, we had pretty much decided on a name, but we didn't tell anyone so we had something to announce that people didn't already know. Plus there was always the possibility that DS wouldn't suit the name we had picked! Anyways, congrats again! And I hope the rest of your pregnancy is an awesome journey!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: weeheebaby
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 2:03pm
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i agree with clover - no right or wrong answer.
For ds we did not find out. DH didn't want to know, was desperate for a surprise. I'm really bad with surprises so found it sooooooooooooo hard waiting. The plan was meant to be at birth that dh would catch the baby and say "it's a ..." Only it didn't quite happen that way and he couldn't speak when ds was born, tears streaming down his face, me strapped to the bed saying "what is it, what is it?" But it was still an awesomely beautiful moment when he was able to say "it's our boy" happy 
This time around I was suffering with some depression before the 20 week scan. DH still didn't want to know bubs gender but I felt that it could help my mental state. So we took the plunge. Our instructions to the sonographer were that if it were clear we would like to know but there would be no gymnastics on my part in order to know. When we were told what bubs was DH and I were very surprised. Not that we had had thoughts either way but we were both still surprised (it was kind of funny our reaction really). At that time we decided that we wouldn't even tell people if we knew or not. Most people are very surprised to find out that we do no babies gender and I am surprised at myself at how well I have kept the secret. DH blurted it out to his sister and I made a very small slip (that we could have covered if we really wanted to) with MIL (she was very quick to pick up on it too) but other than that we've kept it a secret
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It doesn't matter whether you find out or not - people will still have an opinion on the matter that they have to share with you, just nod and smile - LOTS! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 2:24pm
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We found out with DD because i had a feeling i was having a girl. Where as DP just assumed he would have a boy because he wanted a boy. I mainly found out because i thought DP needed time to adjust knowing that he was having a girl lol.
I know that sounds bad but he comes from a family of all boys, his dad has all boys too etc. This time i am still undecided if we will find out. I guess we will decide on the day of the scan. It would be nice to keep it a surprise but we also need to think practically, we would need to sell all girls clothes to buy new boys clothes and if i had to do this with a newborn & a toddler running on no sleep it could be a pain lol -------------  
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 2:30pm
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Found out first 2 times cos we wanted to, simple as that lol
Next time(whenever that may be!) will be a suprise! We are not finding out, also going to keep babies actual due date a suprise(elective CS). ------------- |
Posted By: Bee2010
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 3:45pm
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We found out with DS because I couldn't wait til the End without knowing and I was nearly 100% sure we are having a Girl so it was good to get my head around it that we are having a Boy.
I would find out with #2 as well at this stage but who knows in 2 years I may have a surprise Baby .-------------   Angel Babe in our  - 07/08
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 4:47pm
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found out all three times and don't regret it at all, I have no patience for one thing.
I find it amusing when people say that its not "as special " when it isn't a surprise,from someone thats had no surprises with the gender, its still pretty special ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: EmDee
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 5:21pm
Agreed! I found out with my 3 as well, mostly due to impatience And when each bub was born their gender was the last thing on my mind. I thought about not finding out with Caleb, but when the sonographer asked if I wanted to know, I couldn't say no  Also we decorated the nursery in green (when preggy with Ollie) so gender neutral anyway as we were always going to have more than one bub.
Do what works for you, if you want to find out then go ahead. If your family member doesn't like it, well, too bad! It's your baby!
Congrats on your pregnancy  ------------- DS 8 DD 6 DS 4 DD 2 |
TheKelly wrote:Posted By: sbeach
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 5:57pm
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Its such a personal choice... and there is no right or wrong way to do it...
We found out, both DH and I couldnt wait to know and when those who are in the 'dont find out camp' say its such a nice surprise well it is still an awesome surprise at 20 weeks when you find out, maybe not as much anticipation but we were both still in tears when the sonographer said 'theres your little princess' It does obviously make some aspects of getting organised easier but thats not even a tiny part of why I wanted to find out - even though I am an organisation freak! Also we have told anyone who asks what we are having but only in the last few weeks told close family what her name is going to be... I dont know if I have bonded anymore than if we hadnt found out but I do get a kick out of referring to the baby as she or little madam!! And dont worry about what anyone else says, you will soon realise that EVERYONE, even strangers, will have an opinion about what you do when it comes to your pregnancy and your baby ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 8:57pm
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We really couldn't make up our minds, even at the scan. In the end, the scan-man said he would write it down on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope so if wanted to we could find out later.
DH ended up carrying the sealed envelope around in his jacket pocket as his 'to carry' as i was actually carrying the baby. In the end i ended up putting the envelope through the wash when i did DH's jacket! It still looked readable so i put it in a draw and forgot about it till after DD was born. I then opened it, thinking it would be hysterical if he had got it wrong and written 'son' on the paper, but it said 'congratulations - it's a girl!" ------------- |
Posted By: catisla
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 8:58pm
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Oh - and we wont be finding out with this one, and no envelope shenanigans this time either! ------------- |
Posted By: Aroha11
Date Posted: 10 November 2010 at 9:38pm
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We are finding out - we can't wait till the end to know.
But I don't think it ruins the surprise it just brings it forward and then makes all the planning and buying easier. Just as long as you are happy with your choice that is all that matters - don't worry about what other people say.... ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: NewMummyJade
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 8:13am
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This is my 1st Pregnancy and we found out our little bump was growing a girl :)
Everyones already said it, but they way I feel is Pregnancy as a whole is suprise enough for me! Whether it be at 20 or 40 weeks its still a blessing either way! Plus all my friends begged me to find out so they could buy either pink or blue hehe ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: sweetknights
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:07pm
| I am having a surprise and an getting really excited about finding out as it gets closer and closer...I really loved it last time when my husband told me that we had a son it just felt magical for me...As for getting stuff i just got a few white new born all in ones some had little pictures on as with my family i knew i would get heaps of colour coded stuff once baby arrived and with the nursery i have found a lovely unisex theme that i would have chosen even if i did find out ... |
Posted By: rachelsea
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:54pm
Ahhh now I'm even more confused than I already was lol! With DD we wanted a surprise at first, but as it got closer to scan time I REALLLLLY wanted to find out, so in the end we did! And it was great knowing because I could talk to her and we could call her by her name (that we'd already picked out hehe). But we decided we wanted a surprise this time, but have since changed our minds again lol, but now after reading this thread I think maybe I do want a surprise afterall! Maybe I just shouldn't have a scan then I won't have to worry about it (my MW is anti-scans so that wouldn't be hard) although I do want to make sure bubs is all healthy so probably will have a scan, which means we probably will find out  haha confusing------------- DD 4yrs DS 2yrs http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Nothing
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 1:56pm
Ours was a surprise, I figure that if cave men didnt have sonogrpahers to tell you what it is, then why should we? (of course they are good for finding issues, just not the gender). It was great, DD was a 'emergency' c-sect and I demanded that DF was the one to tell me what we had, all the theatre staff where silent- it was the best moment when he turned to me with tears in his eyes and said 'its a girl"  ------------- 
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Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 2:22pm
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Well, imo if we live in an age where we can find out if you want to,then why not.,...and as I said, was still special when they were born, even tho we knew what Ty was, its a personal decision.
Rachel,if you tell the sonographer you don't want to know they are pretty good at not showing you the goods, unless your baby is not shy of course ... -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 3:34pm
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I couldnt decide, but was on the "dont find out" camp until my scan when the literal first thing i saw was boy parts - the sonnogramer was very apologetic and said they normally try to avoid that area so no one gets spoiled but as it happened when the wand touched my stomach he has head down legs apart so it was straight in there.
Now i know though, im really pleased i did find out - i really wanted a boy, so i convinced myself i wouldnt be that lucky and i would be having a girl, and had girls names picked etc so was good to find out it was, in fact, a boy! Also, i went straight from the scan to baby city and had great fun picking up little boys things
-- My friend didnt find out and she said the best part of the whole labour was her son being born and her saying its a girl! and her partner saying no honey, thats a boy. If people are only excited to find out what sex it is then....what? Who is excited about finding out the sex - they should be excited that you've had a baby! |
Posted By: CJsays
Date Posted: 11 November 2010 at 3:51pm
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it is personal choice for sure!
I wanted to know so if having a boy I could "come round" to the idea (have 2 stepsons, so was hoping for a girl). Yay it is a girl! We were planning to not tell anyone (so it is more of a surprise for the family when she is born) but once we found out it was a girl only kept it a secret for 2 days cuz was so excited hehe! So you can always change your mind later.... I personally love knowing, is nice to think of names and all that sort of stuff - and buy the first pink dress hehe! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Plushie
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 8:32am
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Man, if i didnt know i had a boy cooking i would have brought at least one (or five) of those cute little dresses pumpkin patch and farmers has going at the moment. I wouldnt be able to help myself - i'd have to 'just in case'.
It also has given my ex good bragging rights - that his first born is a boy - not that it matters to most other people, but apparently he is Henry VIII. |
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 12 November 2010 at 12:37pm
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...Lol, Henry VIII first two were girls ....ha, men.
With Ty we had no choice but to find out anyway,that was the first image on the screen , the legs wiiiiiiide open,even Caitlyn who was 6 at the time was like "oh,its a boy ....great" -------------
http://lilypie.com">
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