Up The Duff Again
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35179
Printed Date: 09 July 2025 at 9:12pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Up The Duff Again
Posted By: MerlinFluff
Subject: Up The Duff Again
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 12:20pm
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I can't even describe how utterly terrified I am right now. I'm pregnant again after losing my little one in april.
5weeks and 4 days today. I've had doubling beta hcg tests and they are doubling every 37.32 hours. The nurse said it was perfectly normal rising time. So, WHY AM I STILL FREAKING OUT??? Sounds low, from 395 on the 5th to 1612 on the 9th. Sheesh. I'm too scared to even join the Due In.. forums, just waiting for it all to end badly again. I'm even being completely unreasonable as I hd normal sore boobs, tummy 'stretchies' and MS last time so now my brain is telling me these normal feeling are BAD as I m/c last time  No MS yet but def have the sore boobs (especially this COLD morning lol) and stretchy feeling tummy.
I feel so ANGRY still that my m/c took away my stressfree pregnancy, I was relaxed and happy the first time. Bullet proof, nothing could go wrong *snort*. Now every little thing is terrifying me! I'm getting anearly scan at 7 weeks and another doubling hcg set next week at 6ish weeks. It helps but I am still frightened of everything. I need a chill pill!! ------------- ***Elly***  
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Replies:
Posted By: monkeys
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 12:40pm
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Hi MerlinFluff - firstly congratulations!! Hving gone through a M/C last month I can completely understand your fears and think they are completely natural. I know I will be petrified when I fall pregnant again.
I don't think there is anythign I can say to make you feel better, but keep up the HCG testing, and the scan... For me this time round I didn't have HCG tests so wasn't till my early dating scan that it indicated a problem, my little angel passed away at 6w2d, so for me I am hoping I will feel slightly happer after that period of time, but not fully until after 12 weeks, you are right though it is tough to understand why we don't deserve a stressfree pregnancy, but stay positive, I am sending loads of sticky vibes, and I will have everything crossed that this one works out for you, remember there are loads of ladies here to vent to any time you need :-) |
Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 3:21pm
*Reinforcing the fact I spend way too much time here - sorry to my employers* 
I am so excited for you!! As hard as I can imagine it is to enjoy your pregnancy as much as you did first time, just do your best to celebrate the new little life growing inside your tummy and focus on your darling little bean. There are thousands of people who miscarry first time who go on to have perfectly healthy bubs the next time. I remember my mw saying to me that it happens so much more commonly in first pregnancies. It won't be such a shock to your body getting pregnant this time. This one is going to be a sticky bub - I've got a good feeling about this one 
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 4:09pm
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its is very hard after having a mc to enjoy a normal pregnancy... you will find yourself checking the loo paper regularly, imaging any symptom or lack of one is a bad sign, the constant pessimism, worrying, stressing.... all very "normal" things after suffering a mc.
i'm afraid i didnt really enjoy the pregnancy with my firt child til i was about 5 mths along, i was in complete denial i was going to have a baby! Not sure it any of that is helpful, but you arent alone! Congratulations and try to take every day as it comes. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 9:20pm
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Congrats! I've got everything crossed for you.
I can't give you any advice on how to chill though. It's completely unfair that pregnancies after a m/c aren't all excitement and anticipation like we want them to be. I was a complete hysterical wreak until about 22 weeks then I relaxed a little. I stressed over every odd feeling, but was also worried when I felt normal. I checked my undies in terror every time I went to the loo and because I bled a lot I had lots of early scans and I cried at each one even though they showed me a healthy little bean. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is don't be hard on yourself feeling like this. I so hope this is your time. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: shadowfeet
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 12:43am
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Congratulations, and good luck for a sticky bean ------------- 
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Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 8:51am
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Congrats MerlinFluff! Just take each day as it comes, thats all you can do. I dont think there is anything ou can do to take away the worry. As much as I am excited to become pregnant again, I also dread it. It will kind of be like 'ho hum....here we go again....' So take a deep breath, surround youself with supportive friends/family a midwife and or doctor and you will get through.
I wish you all the luck in the world - take care! |
Posted By: Hope
Date Posted: 12 August 2010 at 8:46am
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Congratulations! Remember that lots of women go on to have a successful pregnancy after MC. I was so freaked out for the first 12 weeks for both my pregnancies (had a MC before both) and I think that we MC survivors can't help this. HANG IN THERE! .... Remember to treat yourself to a few little things, eg a trashy mag, choc bar etc I think this helps get through those times when you're feeling especially stressed.
Best of luck! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 13 August 2010 at 2:37pm
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Thanks for all the kind words and well wishes everyone.
I am hating being pregnant this time around, I'm so ashamed to say, I should be excited and happy I could concieve so well. But I'm just stressed and anxious and worried about every symptom or lack there of. I've just been referred by my GP for counselling, should hear from them next week. Very scary but it will do me good I think. I don't want to increase my medication any higher than it is and despite getting very little sleep I think more tablets are a no-go right now. I'm getting a whole 3-5 hrs a night and waking up lathered in sweat with what reminds me strongly of flashbacks but related to the miscarriage, and waking nighmares. I feel like I'm losing my mind!! I think it will be a relief just to talk to someone weekly and let it all out. Internalising things is never good for me. It's hard staying well this time around, it seems everything is triggering the already present ptsd and panic. I've just had my ante natal bloods done again and have been referred back to OB. Should get an early scan in the next couple of weeks come through. Have another repeat hcg next week too. I'm so very tired. It's hard to be excited and I'm now worried about PND and not bonding if I go to term as I refuse to even think of it being a baby. I'm just in this 'state' until it ends again or until I give birth. Sorry about the probably incoherent rambling! ------------- ***Elly***
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 7:36pm
Help!!! I don't know what to do with myself. Just started bleeding quite heavily. I'm all alone as DF is away in Auckland. Totally freaking out.  ------------- ***Elly***
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Posted By: ScaredyCat
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 8:21pm
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Oh no MerlinFluff, is there someone close you can ring to come and stay with you? Friends or family?
I see its been about an hour since you posted, so hopefully things have settled down but would be nice if you had someone there for you!! Crossing my fingers for you that everything is OK! ------------- TTC # 1 - 7.5 years 2 x IVF - 4 x Trf 3 x BFP's 3 x M/c  Feb 09June 10Sept 11
2 Blasties on Ice 
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 8:26pm
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Oh no! Rest up if you can. What's your local hospital like? I went into the ED when I thought I was miscarrying number 3 (my daughter) as I was bleeding bright red blood (lots). They did a scan for me and found that everything was fine. Some people would rather not know what was going on but I found the uncertainty too painful and that scan saved me a lot of terror. Everything crossed for you. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 9:21pm
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I'm pacing the house on and off just kinda freaking out! DF has got a late flight home and will be here at midnight. Still bleeding heavily, will probably go to ER with him later. Not sure. Brain too scattered to think straight. ------------- ***Elly***
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Posted By: Tinkerbelle83
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 10:25pm
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I'm so sorry to hear you are bleeding MerlinFluff :( I can't really offer any advice except to maybe stay in bed until your DH gets home.
It's so terrifying and I know how you feel :( Take care  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
3 precious Angel babies - Oct 09, Feb 10, June 10 |
Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 20 August 2010 at 12:52pm
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I have all my fingers and toes crossed for a positive outcome, Keep us posted.
We're all thinking of you ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 20 August 2010 at 1:09pm
| Thinking of you hun |
Posted By: mum2ollie
Date Posted: 20 August 2010 at 9:01pm
| Oh dear :( fingers and toes crossed for you! Try and stay as calm as possible (I know that is basically impossible) but stress won't help love. can someone go to the ER with you sooner? |
Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 21 August 2010 at 10:57am
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Morning, thanks for thinking of me News wasn't too bad thankfully. I'm on strict bed rest (so shouldn't be upon the computer :p ) as I'm still spotting and cramping.
Spent all yesterday in ER, had a fluid line stuck in to get my bladder full in 20 mins! On call Ob could only fit me in for a scan in 30 mins. Scan showed yolc sac and measured 7 weeks exactly. But too early for a fetal pole or heart beat. Hcg's were really good at 24379 (up from 1612 on the 9th). I have another blood test and scan on thursday to see if I'm progressing as I should be. Jury is still out til then but it's looking good at this point. It'll be a long wait til thursday ------------- ***Elly***
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Posted By: ScaredyCat
Date Posted: 21 August 2010 at 11:24am
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Oh that is good news, rest up heaps and stay safe little bean! ------------- TTC # 1 - 7.5 years 2 x IVF - 4 x Trf 3 x BFP's 3 x M/c Feb 09June 10Sept 11
2 Blasties on Ice
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Posted By: mum2ollie
Date Posted: 21 August 2010 at 12:09pm
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Good Luck MerlinFluff!! Hope things work out for you and that little baby!
ScardeyCat- Just realised your location is Katikati! I used to live there haha! |
Posted By: ScaredyCat
Date Posted: 21 August 2010 at 12:32pm
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Hi mum2ollie, its a great place to live, we love it here, born and bred! My MIL lives in Invercargill, and seems to like it there too!
------------- TTC # 1 - 7.5 years 2 x IVF - 4 x Trf 3 x BFP's 3 x M/c Feb 09June 10Sept 11
2 Blasties on Ice
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 21 August 2010 at 2:07pm
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Sort of good news then! I've been thinking of you since your post and what you must be going through. Ugh. I'm hoping with everything I've got that this is just a little hiccup and things are fine. Bring on Thursday! I know you're worried about getting attached but if you can, try to send positive vibes to your little bean because you never know, sometimes these things work.
I had a week of bedrest too at that point. But lordy it's the last thing you want to do because you want to keep busy. Hope you can find something to distract yourself with. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 26 August 2010 at 1:27pm
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Thinking of you MerlinFluff. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 26 August 2010 at 2:06pm
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*lurker*
you should go into the april 2011 thread thesaff, theres some good news in there  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 12:16pm
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A Rant, coz I feel like it!!!
Oh the joys... Just visited my GP again today. The indignities that we suffer, that must only get worse. Firstly I've been semi-constipated, which in of itself isn't a huge issue. Been eating lots of fibre, kiwi fruits and small meals, but combined with diahorrea attacks from panic has lead to a sore, bleeding backend. Lovely. So now I have some ultra proct ointment with a wonderful nozzle to insert up my backend to squeeze this magic stuff into my bum hole!! To be honest, as someone who's had an anal fissure misbehave fairly regularly with chronic D from IBS I was more worried as the internets said ultraproct is BAD in pregnancy. GP was happy with it though, just not the stronger suppositories. Anyway, enough about my bum. Bloating and gas is NO FUN. I smell like a straight baked bean eater and look ridiculous with a totally hard, distended belly from bloat. WHERE IS THE GLOWING MUM TO BE???? I'm getting spots everywhere, yes even on my legs, back, buttocks!! Skin oily and breaking out. I'm exhausted and starving constantly. Eating for 23. I'm FAT. Geez. Add to that the feinting spells that started up a few days ago. I black out when I move my head and feint if I stand up too suddenly. My already normal low blood pressure has dropped even more on standing. 130/something sitting was fine. 95/something not so good on standing up slowly :/ Apparently the mix of both my meds (side effect= postural hypotension) and pregnancy is making my blood pressure fall rapidly. Fun. Then my kidneys started hurting again and despite 2 ish litres a day my urine is pretty dark and concentrated. Cue more blood tests for kidney function and a urine test for infection. I've got to try drinking 3 LITRES + from now on anyway. Ye Gods. i was struggling with the 2!! And I'm still bleeding/spotting and cramping. GP is just crossing everything that this little bean will keep sticking and growing. Had my last HCG bloods drawn today, will know the results tomorrow. I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow (today?, i forget) and apparently as the placenta takes up hormore production from around this stage HCG can become unreliable as an indicator. Please, please just let me get through this first trimester this time. It all feels SO UNCERTAIN with non-stop bleeding. I hasve another scan on the 18th and I'm convined peanut will have died by then. It's making it hard to sleep without nightmares. I do hate this first tri
As an entertaining aside, my GP reminded me that sex was out of the question at the moment. Even with getting married on friday (yikes!). I lol'ed as NOT A DAMN HOPE IN HELL. I have never felt less like playing beneath the sheets. If this carries on DF will forget how his working bits work!! :p ------------- ***Elly***
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 4:35pm
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My love and thoughts go out to you hun, Sounds like a rough road at the moment !
We so desperately wish to be pregnant but then it's no walk in the park is it? Quite frankly it's exhausting, painful, and all of the extra nasty symptoms make it hard to get through the day sometimes. Just try and look forward to the end result, and imagine your happy little bean there tucked up inside you. Enjoy the time that is just yours and bubs while it's still a bit of a secret to the outside world. I used to love talking to my tummy like a crazy person
I'm sorry you're bleeding and can imagine that makes it even harder than it already is after having had a m/c, but you've had clearance from the doctor and all was going well so just think positive and relax and enjoy the months ahead and look forward to holding your baby ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 09 September 2010 at 7:17pm
Rant away as butt problems ain't no fun and no laughing matter...though they do sort of make us smile 
Wow you're getting married on Friday - CONGRATULATIONS! 
I so hope you're bean sticks as you deserve a bit of good news after everything. Fingers and toes are all crossed for you ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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