The healing begins
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34950
Printed Date: 12 July 2025 at 8:07pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: The healing begins
Posted By: Bobsta
Subject: The healing begins
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 10:41pm
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I finally feel like things are changing for the better.
Thank you to everyone for all your support through everything. It has been a life changing experience for me. I know some of you have been very worried about me so here's an update on how things are going... I now have answers and direction. I didn't know it at the time, but my body was too sick to handle a pregnancy. Sometimes a mc just happens, but for me it was never going to work out well. I am grateful now that it did happen, because if I had carried the baby she would have had problems. Today I met and spoke to a woman who like me has health issues. She has 3 children, two of which have severe hormonal problems at age 2 & 7 years old. Her third child is fine because she was fully recovered when she had her. That was enough for me to know that I won't be planning any babies soon. I have a condition called myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), also known as chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). Basically normal body functions don't always work properly and need support to keep working otherwise things goes wrong, like liver problems, immunity problems, digestion problems, just to name a few! It can have a snowball affect as once one thing goes wrong, that can trigger something else to go wrong and so on and so on on. Every person that has it can be affected slightly differently and to a different level, the one thing that is the same is the constant debilitating fatigue, hense the name. There's no real treatment, just management of it through lifestyle changes, diet, and pill popping. Before I got pregnant I hadn't had many problems with it for years and really thought I was fine. I had never read or been told about any problems with being pregnant while having this condition. I have since found out that I have very low adrenal function which then caused hypothyroidism. This is low thyroid function. The big problem with pregnancy is you need hormones! Both these glands control over 200 hormones in your body, one of the big ones being progesterone which coincidentally is the one needed in early pregnancy for the baby to grow. When my adrenal gland stopped working properly because it was simply worn out from the stress of handling a pregnancy, it caused stress on my thyroid so then it too got worn out and couldn't do what it's supposed to do. So not only did this cause the mc, but then afterwards because I didn't know what was going on, I got sicker and sicker and then had a physical and emotional crash after the mc too. I have learnt all this in a matter of weeks and it has taken me until today to finally feel good about what I have been through. I am glad that I least I know what went wrong and why. I have the power of knowledge, so next time I will be prepared and ready so I have the best chance to make it work. I need to take some time to allow myself to get healthy again and to be strong enough to be pregnant and handle it so I won't be TTC for awhile. I hope it won't be too long but I will only do it when I am ready. I am sharing all this in the hope that someone that reads this might learn from my experience. Many people who have this condition don't talk about it as you don't look like a sick person so you can be judged. If you know someone who has these problems and wants to be pregnant, please share this with them. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through when it can be avoided. If you have this condition or know of someone who does and you want to be pregnant, I strongly...no that word is not strong enough...I BEG you to demand progesterone supplements from your doctor. If you have this condition pregnancy will cause immense strain on your already strained body. Your body is naturally weaker than a normal persons body so please try to be as healthy as you can be as you won't know there is a problem until it's too late. I hope this will help at least one other person as I had no one to tell me this and I wish I had. I am there to help support anyone who has this problem so please feel free to PM if you want to. For me now it's just onwards and upwards from here    ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: TheKelly
Date Posted: 28 July 2010 at 11:24pm
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Big hugs chick , im glad you have some answers , doesn't make things easier for you , but as you said, now you have knowledge, which is more power .
I've been thinking of you , so im glad to see your name  ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LadyBee
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 8:02am
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Hi Bobsta,
Im glad you have some direction in life I know when the time is right for you to TTC you will be armed and 100% ready. Wishing you all the best when that day comes 
------------- TTC for 4 1/2 years IVF #1 - April 2012 short BFP, no frosties IVF #2 - August 2012, BFP!! 3 frosties! http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 8:22am
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Hope you get you get healthy quickly hun! I am glad you updated as I have been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are! -------------   
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Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 8:27am
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hey hun
thats really great to hear that you know what happened and that you now have some direction. i hope that it doesnt take you too long to get super healthy and that we will see ya on here with a bub in the near future 
i hope you will be hanging around here cos we have missed you heaps! glad that you have turned the corner now
*sending lots of fast healing vibes* luv ya xxxx ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 9:23am
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I think it makes coping so much easier when you find an answer to why the m/c happened in the first place. Glad you are taking some time out to make youself better, nice to hear from you Bobsta. Always think of you and wonder how you are going
x |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 9:35am
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kelly said exactly what i wanted to say..
huge hugs for you! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Birdie
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 1:04pm
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Big hugs Bobsta heres to getting healthy and having a healthy bubba soon hun. I am so glad you got some answers ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: TwinnyBump
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 1:45pm
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So pleased you got some answers Bobsta and that you feeling better!
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: mitten
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 4:23pm
| That's great for you to find all that out! Thanks very much for sharing, it's really interesting and helpful. My doctor (GP) said stress wouldn't have had anything to do with my two miscarriages, but I'm not sure that I believe that entirely. Where did you go for the tests? |
Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 7:10pm
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Bobsta it is great to read a positive post from you and fantastic you have a plan of attack to sort out your health. -------------  Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 30 July 2010 at 8:55pm
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Thanks everyone
Didi it's also nice feeling positive too - thanks so much for all the support you have given me. Mitten I've had many blood tests done through my GP and am also working closely with a naturopath that specializes in ME/CFS. I have also done a lot of research myself reading up on information based on studies and reports done by medical specialists overseas. Some articles I felt they were writing about me! Just learning to understand how the body actually works and how different things affect each other has been an eye opener for me. I never had to learn it all before as I didn't need to. Sometimes it takes a major event to force positive change! ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 31 July 2010 at 10:18am
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No problem hun, if you every want to catch up for another coffee just let me know. It's always nice to chat to people who can understand what you have been through, I really enjoyed it. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 01 August 2010 at 2:42pm
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I did too, it really helped me face things rather than shut it all away. ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 01 August 2010 at 7:54pm
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I think it's time for another coffee too girls! It certainly helped last time!
My doctor thinks I have PND and wants me to go on anti depressants and try counceling again. I didn't think things were that bad but she seems to think they are 
I just don't feel like me anymore. I'm so sorry there are others out there who understand - Big hugs to every one who needs them ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: Victoria
Date Posted: 01 August 2010 at 10:43pm
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Group hug - needs to be done. Good on you Bobsta for being so proactive. We M/Cd at the same time, I think, and it's not been the easiest thing in the world to cope with. Time doesn't heal all wounds it just takes the edge off. We decided in the weekend that we're going to start looking beyond nature. I think DH is looking forward to the mags and DVD's at the doctors office more than anything else! |
Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 7:06pm
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aww that was a nice group hug and you are totally right about time just taking to edge off. It's the prefect way to describe it really.
Good on you Victoria for starting to look into things more. Being proactive helps I think. PB biggest hugs, they tried to pawn off antidepressants on me but was told they only mask the problem, not fix it. I was getting very close to want them though. Counceling really helps, I have another appointment tomorrow and am finally getting to the point where I feel like I almost don't need it anymore. You guys are right, another catchup is in order, how about tomorrow evening, or another evening this week? ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 9:28am
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PB, I've been feeling a bit sad recently too, so am definately keen for another catch up. Can't do tonight but Thurs or Friday nights are fine for me or anytime on Sat. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 11:26am
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the Group Hug - It's much needed
I can't do Thurs or Fri but I'm really keen for a Saturday meet up if that suits you as well Bobsta? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 12:55pm
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Just lurking in here.... I ended up having a meltdown in my doctors office a month or so ago and she put me on anti depressents. I was horrified at what I'd become. I took them, been on them for 5 weeks now and just starting to come off them now so we can start trying again. I feel like a different person, my sister even commented the other day that I had my sense of humour back. I dont think they are the answer......but in my case they definitely helped. I was in such an angry bitter place, its hard to get your head sorted when you cant snap yourself out of that space.
Hugs to all your girls feeling sad at the moment. Wish I was in Aucks to come have a coffee with you
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 1:10pm
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Thanks Mrshopeful - That's really helpful!
They have been having a very adverse effect on me so far but I'll try persevere for a few weeks. I definitely don't want to be on them for very long, but I hope like they helped you, that they can help me just start to feel normal again. Wish you were here for a coffee too!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:12pm
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Hey Mrs H, so good to hear from you and it's great you are doing better and the AD's worked for you.
Hahaha, well Saturday is out for me so we might have to try for next week I'm free all week so you guys can choose a day and I'm there  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:26pm
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Monday night - Same place and time as previously ?
Can't wait to catch up again. I need some people who get it. I feel like an alien at work at the moment - Walking around with all this saddness and angst. I NEED to have a baby!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:45pm
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It's a date
Oh I sooo know what you mean. We can have a big whinge about it all on Monday. I was watching a DVD last night and there were babies in it and I found myself tuning out of the movie and day dreaming about having my own baby. *big sigh* ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 3:51pm
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Sounds good to me too.
Wish you were in Auckland to join us too MrsH. PB if you feel like it the 2 of us could do Saturday as well. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 5:38pm
| I'm going to be in Aucks in November! |
Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 05 August 2010 at 8:56am
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Great to hear you're coming up mrsh - We'll all catch up in November for sure !! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 05 August 2010 at 9:26am
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Yay for you being in Auck in Nov MrsH we will definately have to catch up. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 05 August 2010 at 4:09pm
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Sounds good girls, lets see what we can organsie a bit closer to the time. I am coming for a pre Xmas / birthday catch up with my friends.....and perhaps a spot of shopping. I used to live in Auckland so I am there quite a bit, my sisters live there. Be nice to meet you all!
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 09 August 2010 at 12:12am
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Looking forward to November MrsH! Will be great to meet you.
PB & Didi, will be picking my car up from the mechanics after work tomorrow. Some idiot side swiped my car and took my side mirror completely off! Anyway, the mechanics is just down the hill from the cafe so I might just be 5-10 minutes late. I am need of this catchup as I have been getting a few "baby moments" the last few days. I ovulated so my heart was telling me to go make babies!! I had to use all my willpower to resist the urge. Sucks big time. Hopefully only another few months of waiting before we can try again.  ------------- Me 34 Him 35 DD almost 2 years old and... Baby #2 on it's way! http://www.babygaga.com/" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 09 August 2010 at 10:03am
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No problem Bobsta, looking forward to seeing you both. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 09 August 2010 at 12:02pm
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Hey girls - I'm looking forward to seeing you both too! I'll be there for 5.25ish (but no worries if you're late too Didi, I might go in and sit where we did last time with a magazine)
I've been sick over the weekend, and still not quite right but I think a strong coffee and a good chat should liven me up a bit!! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 11:56am
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Catching up again, I stayed away from OhBaby for a bit while I tried to heal a little bit! Glad you are feeling a bit better Bobsta and are looking into being in best health for trying again, I didn't know CFS could affect fertility/pregnancy. I hope you manage to control the symptoms and when you feel ready have a healthy sticky bub.
It took me 2 years to get enough control of the anxiety and depression (I have PTSD, panic disorder w/ agoraphobia and clinical depression) to feel in the right space to try for a baby. It was devestating to lose my little baby boy (felt like a boy!), especially after it had then taken 16 months for depo to wear off and actually concieve. I'm not blaming myself anymore, which is easier on my psyche, but still have bad days. Hope this doesn't upset you.. but just found out I am PG again (5 weeks now) but still think about my m/c often and want to scream and kick things for the unfairness of it all. Especially as now I am a nervous wreck just waiting for it all to go wrong again!! Sorry, thread hijack!! Wish I were in Auck for a meeting too, it's lonely down here in the wops
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Posted By: Princess_Bubs
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 12:08pm
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Hi Merlinfluff - Nice to see you on here again!
Congratulations on your lovely news - That is truly wonderful to hear! You've been through alot and you've done great to deal with everything and come out the other side. There's always going to be bad days after going through something as sad as what we on this thread have been through, but for now focus on your little bean and enjoy being pregnant
for a happy and healthy 9 months!
If you're ever up in Auckland we're a friendly bunch and would love to see you! *Sorry for thread hijack! As with last time - feel better just chatting to you Bobsta and Didi* Looking forward to next time
Ps: I spend way too much time on OB don't I! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> Two Precious Angel Babies 2010 / 2011
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Posted By: MerlinFluff
Date Posted: 10 August 2010 at 12:23pm
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Thanks PB It's nice to be back! I was wondering how everyone was doing, but found it was just driving me a little up the walls looking at a pregnancy site needed a step back to gather myself together again and build back up.
Yup, you spend too much time on OB!!!  ------------- ***Elly***  
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Posted By: SnuggleBear
Date Posted: 11 August 2010 at 9:30am
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good to see you back on the boards Bobsta and good to hear you're getting some much needed answers.... take care chickie ------------- Ds1 - 20 months old Ds2 - 4 months old |