Friendship Issues
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33831
Printed Date: 11 July 2025 at 5:25am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Friendship Issues
Posted By: kelzie_rose
Subject: Friendship Issues
Date Posted: 02 June 2010 at 10:10pm
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I didn't know where to put this as we TTC-ed for 2 years and then got pregnant and miscarried so it's going in the infertility and miscarriage forums.
I have a friend who I went through a lot of my school years with. We weren't that close at school and it wasn't until two years AFTER school that we became quite close. Hubby and I see her and her partner usually 2 - 3 times a week, and she became the close girlfriend that I'd go to whenever I was upset about not falling pregnant. She was also the one who came over and sat with me, talked when I needed her to talk, listened when I needed her to listen, after I miscarriage. When no one else would talk to me about it. (Other than hubby of course!) No one else knew what to say and would switch topic when I tried to talk about it. A few weeks back, she was trying to give me advice, and after I told her that I needed a break from discussing my 2 year infertility and then my miscarriage, she took it personally and we haven't been the same since. I didn't just snap at her, I told her a few times that I needed time out from it but she kept pushing and then I snapped. I told her that she hadn't a clue what was going on so could she please back off. I wasn't rude about it at all. I didn't actually say back off! She hasn't got kids, she's not TTC, and she wont be trying for a few years. I just didn't need her telling me what to do when she hadn't experienced it. I see her once a week at pub quiz, but she's a bit short with me, and she doesn't want to hang out other than that anymore. I'm a bit lost about how to go on, because I miss her. I'm not sure if I overreacted or not. We had issues before where she kept reverting back to her (before I miscarried) e.g. "Who knows if I can even conceive?" "I'm going to try for this long then do this..." "Will you be a surrogate for me if I can't get pregnant?" I was like dude!! You aren't even TTC! And I am! And this sucks for me! Luckily the two of us worked through that but... I hate not having her by my side. What should I do? -------------  Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3 |
Replies:
Posted By: NikkiB
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 7:05am
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Sorry, I didn't want to read and run.
I'd tell her that you miss her and see where the conversation goes from there. Perhaps also mention that sometimes you just want to talk about other things. Good luck  ------------- A very lucky mummy to two gorgeous boys: RB 3/10/2008 JB 29/12/2009 |
Posted By: jjands
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 9:19am
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Posted By: Bobsta
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 2:56pm
| Maybe she feels hurt as she was your go-to person and the all of sudden she wasn't. As she hasn't been through TTC herself, she won't understand how sometimes taking a break from it is a good thing and it's hard living and breathing TTC all the time. I think a good heart-to-heart is in order. Maybe tell her you couldn't have gotten through things without her and you really miss her. It sounds like she is feeling hurt by what happened. I hope you guys make up. |
Posted By: babygiraffe
Date Posted: 08 June 2010 at 1:47pm
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Maybe some time apart might not be a bad thing? A chance for her and you to cool off and get some breathing space. Then when you are feeling stronger and happier maybe you can ask her if she wants to meet for coffee. Tell her that you miss her and if possible try and make her understand how you are feeling about TTC and your miscarriage. No one understands what we are going through, the only ones that do understand are the ones that have been through it. So she will scratch her head and do her best to understand.....but really she wont. She obviously cares and worries about you a lot, she is probably feeling sad and probably a llittle hurt about your reaction - even a lilttle embarassed.
I also have a friend that can be incredibily blunt with me re TTC. She tells me on a regular basis that "there is more to life than having a baby" like I am a freak with wanting it so bad. She has had two years of TTC with no luck and things are not looking so good there.....so of course she is speaking more about herself when she spits that in my face. For me right now there is nothing more important than having a baby. In fact, I feel physcially sick at the thought of never being a Mother. So now I dont discuss it with her so much or when I do I make sure I am feeling strong so I can deal with her firm opinions. Dont lose your freind over this, give her a big hug and say sorry - let her know that you want to talk about other things right now.....but when you are ready to talk about your m/c she will be the first one you do open up to. Take care 
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