Am I doing the right thing?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32048
Printed Date: 03 August 2025 at 10:44pm
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Topic: Am I doing the right thing?
Posted By: busyissy
Subject: Am I doing the right thing?
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:12pm
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My lovely, almost 3 year old is not being quite so lovely at the moment. He has started screaming at the top of his lungs everytime he doesn't get his own way or gets frustrated by something/someone. He is also saying no to absolutely everything. It is very tiring and also wakes up my other babies when they are sleeping and frightens them when they are awake.
I have started putting him in time out for a calm down time whenever he starts screaming but this just seems to esculate the behaviour and he ends up screaming for hours. Sometimes when I am too tired to deal with the time out saga I do my best to ignore him. Neither strategy seems to be working...am I doing the right thing? What would you do? |
Replies:
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:24pm
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Will watch this with interest, so sorry, no advice, am going htrough somethign similar with my just turned 3. I sometimes really really dislike her, she is very difficult and demanding ARGH! Have made an appt with plunket, had to "pull a favour" cos apparently they don't do 3 yo checks anymore unless you fall into the "worry" category..I just want to vent and make sure that I'm not abnormal! Hugs to you! I feel your pain!!! ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:29pm
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Hmmm ignoring is not going to work. He'll just try other ways of acting out. Is he all of a sudden jealous of the younger ones?
Maybe find a time out as far a way from them as possible? You might not like Supernanny & she gets on my wick sometimes but the methods she uses do work. They worked on A. The getting down on their level & talking calmly to them and then putting them in time out, plus a visible clock do actually work. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: MissAngel
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:41pm
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I have to put my nearly 2 year old in time out and it works! He has to sit in one spot for 2 minutes after being explained to calmly why he's there - i know he understands a little bit (we dont hit the dog, we dont punch mummy in the tummy, screaming at mummy or anyone else when he doesnt get what he wants etc) and afterwards its a kiss and a cuddle and he's good as gold for ages after.
We've also started a reward chart for basic things - being nice to the animals for the whole day, no hitting for the whole day, simple things like that. ------------- Alex, Thomas and Lily http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 9:56pm
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Could it be part of his development that is causing this? What I mean is that they get to a point where they have such strong emotions but have trouble expressing them and this could be why he screams, because he doesn't know how else to express his frustration at not getting what he wants and he probably wouldn't understand why he can't have it. I have noticed recently that Jack has started using the word "mine", so maybe your son has started to learn he is his own person (like Jack is starting to do) and is trying to push for independence.
Gosh does any of that make sense?! 
I think Pinky Mckay is great, I have her Toddler Tactics book and she explains their milestones and deveopment so well. Maybe her http://www.pinky-mychild.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=35&Itemid=25 - website has some pointers for you. Good luck! ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: mamanee
Date Posted: 03 March 2010 at 11:38pm
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My lovely almost three year old is exactly the same!
Very strong willed, very determined and what a drama queen! Sam's thing at the moment is singing at the top of his lungs and deliberately trying to wake the baby. I make sure to put him in his room for about an hour each afternoon with heaps of books, a mini pump bottle of water and some toys for his quiet time, just so I can have a little break. I go in there if he becomes upset, but it gives me a chance to have a coffee, a sit down and relax, or feed the baby in peace. |
Posted By: kakapo
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 9:39am
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Hmmm, Jimmy has recently starting *yell-crying/screaming* at the top of his lungs whenever frustrated or upset about something. Great timing with his little sister due any day http://www.familyservices.govt.nz/working-with-us/programmes-services/positive-parenting/skip-index.html - SKIP - Strategies with Kids - Information for ParentsSKIP supports parents to bring up their children in a positive way, using love and nurture and limits and boundaries. I also like Sarah Buckley's article on gentle discipline (see http://www.naturalparenting.com.au/flex/articles/7811/gentle-discipline-part-one.cfm - Part 1 & http://www.naturalparenting.com.au/flex/articles/7812/gentle-discipline-part.cfm - Part 2 ) - it has some useful tips Good luck |
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- I don't think there's any *right* way of dealing with this, just keep trying different strategies until you find something you're comfortable with.Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:10pm
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kakapo is right there is probably no right or wrong way to deal with it. You do have to be consistent once you have picked your method though, wether it be time out, ignoring, rewards charts...
the other school of thought about that kind of behaviour is giving them the words, so if he screams cause he couldnt reach something from a shelf or got a toy taken off him you would need to get down to his level and say (something like this anyway)... i know you are angry/upset/ annoyed but we dont scream. so you essentially name the emotion and if possible give him an alternative to dealing with it. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: arohanui
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 1:44pm
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What about getting down on his level, "you sound like you need a hug?" and offering him a cuddle. All kids are different but I find that this calms my boy down and I can figure out what's bothering him ("I know you want to go outside and I know it's frustrating, but you have to clean up your toys first. Come on, we'll tidy up your toys together and then you can go outside"). ------------- Mama to DS1 (5 years), DS2 (3 years) and... http://alterna-tickers.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 04 March 2010 at 4:02pm
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Liz, I am reading Diane Levy's book at the moment and she refers to her boring cuddle where by you do something like that but then dont say anything..just cuddle them till they are sick of it and then they go off to do something else.
she would also say to tell them that they cant join in with the rest of the family until they stop screaming 
Maybe buy ear plugs |
Posted By: busyissy
Date Posted: 07 March 2010 at 8:45pm
That's all great advice thanks. It sounds like it might be a developmental thing. He does do it out of frustration but I know he can express his frustration differently. He used to say "Oh sausages!" (he came up with that all by himself, so cute!) when something wasn't going right. We've also had some toilet training regression with Gabriel's arrival and Isobelle is suddenly into all his toys and his space. It's a lot for a not so big big brother to deal with. We have a sticker chart going for some other behaviours so I think I'll try coming positive reinforcement with the time out strategy. Hopefully I'm still sane by the time he stops Wish me luck!
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Posted By: jaycee
Date Posted: 07 March 2010 at 9:17pm
We are doing this and is really works! Just pop the child on you knee and carry on with what you were doing/saying. Sophie usually is felling better and long gone to the next trouble spot with in 3 or 4 minutes 
However, we are doing time out as well as she is randomly hitting (often whilst holding a toy ) and poking (which really hurts). We have just started the time out thing so will let you know how it goes -------------   
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nzpiper wrote: