Does this huge pain in my heart go?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30975
Printed Date: 12 July 2025 at 4:31am
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Topic: Does this huge pain in my heart go?
Posted By: Glag2
Subject: Does this huge pain in my heart go?
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 2:47pm
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On the 3rd of Dec 09 I miscarried my twins, I was 13 weeks pregnant yet they had stopped growing at 7 weeks.I bled for a week prior to that and once they had passed they gave me a d&c.
I have a beauitiful 20 month old daughter who keeps me very busy and is the best thing in my life, YET. Im finding this whole ''moving on'' part extremely hard and feel lost.Every where i go i seem to see pregnant people and i feel so jelous and mad, I keep trying to find reasons as to why i miscarried even though deep down i know it was nothing.My heart aches and i feel like everyone thinks i should be ''over it''.I admire the bravery in the women who have reoccuring miscarriages, HOW DO U DO IT? How do u tell yourself that things will get better and ok I feel like i have no one to talk to about howw im feeling or that no one understands my pain. I was going to have a baby, then i was going to be having two babies. now im not having any. 
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Replies:
Posted By: didi99
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:06pm
 LovelyOne.
All I can tell you is you are completely justifyed to feel like you do and don't let anyone tell you, you should be "over it". Personally I think I bottled things up and the feelings got on top of me, so my advice is talk about it, acknowledge what you have lost and that you have lost. I do feel better now than I did a month ago but I do think about my bubs every day, I think as time goes by that will lessen but I also feel that the babies we have lost deserve to be remembered with love  .
I hope that helps in some way although I do think everyone grieves differently so you just need to find what works for you. ------------- Angel Babies Nov 09, May 10, Dec 10
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Posted By: Glag2
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:14pm
| Thanks for the reply didi99 |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:18pm
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You have been through an awful experience and I would think something was wrong if you weren't grieving for your lost babies.
I think there is a support site for twin loss, I will see if I can find it for you. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:19pm
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ok, here it is
http://www.twinloss.org.nz/Twin_Loss_NZ/Home.html -------------
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Posted By: Glag2
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:26pm
| thanks heaps. i hadnt even thought to look for a twinloss site |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:52pm
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dont be so hard on yourself... it wasnt that long ago it happened....you are entitled to grieve.
------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Mamma2N
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 3:59pm
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I'm really sorry Lovelyone. Unfortunetly some people just don't 'get it'. I have to admit that before we lost our first baby I too didn't quite understand the severity of the pain you feel when you miscarry. So many comments I received hurt, when in actual fact people were trying to be supportive - they just didn't really know what to say or do.
Like Bizzy said, please don't be hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve, you have experienced a loss, don't let yourself or anyone else minimise it. Take care of yourself
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Posted By: littlestar
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 4:09pm
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Oh Hun - its only just happened, you can't be expected to 'get over it' You will feel sad and jealous and all sorts of other emotions for your lost babies. Don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't be grieving for you loss - they were small little bubs but ever so much wanted and loved. People really just don't know what to say and end up saying things that really hurt. But you always have this group to come to anytime you need a rant or just an ehug. |
Posted By: WestiesGirl
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 5:07pm
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Sorry to hear your loss Like others have said, give yourself time. When I MC'ed it felt like forever before I felt ok about it and all the hurt, and when I think about it now I still get a bit upset. But it does get better, just let the healing process take its time ------------- Our Angel July 08  Gone but not forgotten
And to complete our family, our princess has arrived 
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Posted By: luvmylittlies
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 5:41pm
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I'm so very sorry. Its really horrible thing to have all that love and hope taken away.
The pain does dull but it can take a long time and personally I still find it easy to shed a tear when I think about the little ones I never met. But really, give yourself some time. I know everyone copes with these things differently but I would STRONGLY recommend not just pretending everything is okay (which is what I did and sent me into depression for over a year). People around you need to know that you've got that that hole in your chest - I found it easier to email people rather than talking because then I didn't have to try and explain through the weeping. Hang in there. We're all here for you. ------------- Adoring Mum to Talisin 8/9/11 and Kiara 18/01/10 |
Posted By: pikaboo
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 10:41pm
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i am also so very sorry that you have to go through this too.
i agree with what everyone above has written and that this site has been awesomely helpful - a great community of women who have been through the same experience and don't say the wrong thing (like our friends seem to sometimes....) or try to ignore it because they don't know what to say. i'm with you thesaff....pretending i was ok all the time was not a good idea. letting myself cry when i wanted to and allowing myself to really feel my emotions (sadness, anger etc) was a process for me and in the end healthier. 6 months later i cry alot alot less, but have more of an understanding that for me my grief is a rollercoaster and just when i think i am doing well, something can trigger me off again. the only difference now is that i just go with it and don't beat myself up for feeling however i feel that day. be kind to yourself. i have read that the level of pain we feel is correlated to the level of attachment we felt for our lost babies, not their age. when i buried our 11 week old angel baby part of the note i wrote was from dr seuss: "a person's a person no matter how small" because that really is how i feel. don't let anyone make you feel that your grief is unjustified. HUGS ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 16 January 2010 at 2:13pm
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Some great responses here.
Its true, I do believe you have to feel the pain and go with it, and don;t listen to any bs from any third parties. Your loss is real and valid and hurts a lot. And people don;t know what best to say when they can see you're in pain, or even when they can't. With the recurrent mc's (I 'only' had one) but I would imagine there's no magic way of dealing with this, just getting through it. Recurrently going through this must be so hard, I cannot imagine. When I first started spotting, I said to my DP "I don;t think I can deal with a mc . . . I don't think I'm strong enough" But I'm still here, 5 months on, still alive and managing., I wouldn't say I've been particularly strong (depends how you define strong I guess?). Its a day to day thing, be gentle with yourself, and honest with yourself and take it as it comes. Wishywashy I know, but no set way to get through this, other than to go through and come out the other side |
Posted By: Glag2
Date Posted: 16 January 2010 at 4:52pm
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Thanks Ladies for all your lovely replys, I know it will get easier , and time is the best healer!
My mission is to be strong, hold my head up and remember my lost babies. I know im been hard on myself, just the pressure from 3rd parties is hard. You are all so brave and kind..... Thanking you muchly *****J |