Anger!
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30779
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Topic: Anger!
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Subject: Anger!
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 10:26am
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Replies:
Posted By: FreeSpirit
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 10:44am
| Normal. We get the throwing things as an expression of anger/frustration here too. Generally I just leave her to it as she has the right to feel angry and can't express it verbally yet. |
Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 11:01am
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Can I ask what it is about his "angry" behavior that is triggering enough of your own anger to call him a sh*thead?
It is definitely normal behavior, toddlers don't have the same coping mechanisms as we adults do and when they are experiencing a new situation or emotion it is pretty intense for them - and thus they find ways of coping that can seem pretty intense to us in turn. It is also pretty normal for them to take out their frustrations on the ones nearest to them, but again we are the adults and have to be very aware of what our own responses will teach them. I know you have a wee bubba to look after too, but are you making sure you get some time to yourself each day, even if it is just in half hour blocks... like a nice hot cuppa and a magazine, or an uninterrupted shower? The more calm we can be, the easier it is to deal with these kind of stressful experiences. We have been through this too, and it will definitely pass. ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 11:36am
Basicly what I stated, plus other things, and just to clarify, I would never call him one to his face or with in ear shot, thats me mearly letting out my frustration, to myself.. Yeah I try and have time to myself, I try to get them both to have a sleep at the same time so I have little while to have a cup of tea etc and when my DH gets home from work I often have a shower then so I can relax a bit before the bedime rotutines start etc Its really him hurting himself on purpose that worrys me and when he hits DH, he doesnt hit me or Isabella, just his dad! No idea why, Dh always plays with Caden and they have fun. When he packs a tanty I ignore him, unless he starts wacking his head on something, then I stop him and try distraction. ------------- |
HippyMama wrote:Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 11:57am
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I know how you feel Sheen , I think mothers are under this impression that we have to love and like our kids at all times, loving them , is usually a lot easier than liking them , and just like any other person , sometimes they can really suck .
There are plenty of times when I think C is being a sh*thead,it doesn't mean I don't love her , doesn't mean I wouldn't die for her it just means, that every so often , I've learnt I don't have to like everything she does . I know how much you love Caden and Bella , and I know you would consider them your greatest treasures, so I know that if Caden's behaviour is bothering you that much for you to call him a less than flattering nanme , its because you are reaching the end of your rope , which is OK , its alright to be stressed by behaviour like that ..its tiring, especially with a small baby to contend with as well . As for what you asked tho, yes, it will pass, no you don't have a demon child , atm hes most likely feeling confused, up til a few months ago he was the only baby , now all thats changed and since he can't verbalise it very well, hes taking his frustration and confusion out in the way he does know how, physically . Be gentle with him , because it is stemming from uncertainty , but still be firm , don't allow him to get away with it, you'll just make a rod for your own back . Chin up babe ,it'll pass (and you'll move onto even more fun years ! wooop !!! ) your doing a great job ------------- 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 12:05pm
Thanks Kelly 
Yeah we are firm with him when he does the hitting etc, like when he hits Adam, we say "No Caden! Its not nice to hit daddy" and then we will say "loves for daddy" and like stroke Adams head softly so caden can see us being gentle. When he hurts himself on purpose, Im not sure if I should tell him off or comfort him  I cant ignore him when he does that because he could really hurt himself bad!------------- |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 12:10pm
| He might be hurting himself like that because its those occassions where he does get attention from you vs the other tantys. |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 12:18pm
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Yeah thats true Stacey..
I guess its hard to ignore though when he is smacking himself in the head with a matchbox car.. I could try ignoring him when he does that too then and see if that makes him stop doing it. ------------- |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 12:46pm
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you could tell him not to hit himself with his cars etc so they dont get broke.
a lot of mothers swear by the technique of acknowledging and naming the emotion... saying to him i know you are angry/upset/annoyed etc but we dont do *whatever the behaviour is* . how bout we go and do something else - then maybe suggest something that he likes doing that you can do. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 1:05pm
Thanks Deb, thats a good idea, I will try that next time. He is really grumpy today because he isnt feeling well 
He loves his Mega Blocks, so I will use that as a distraction. ------------- |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 1:22pm
| I found the boys both got into this angry/frustration thing before they started talking. Like, they knew what they wanted to say, but they couldn't and they would get really angry when I wouldn't understand. Passed....oh so slowly it seemed. But pass it did. |
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 1:24pm
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I found to a degree Spencer has improved as his language has improved so often he can ask for help or tell me he is hurt etc rather than getting angry. Obviously still sometimes he does just let fly, as he's older I normally will say something like "you can either stop doing that or go to bed" 9 times out of 10 he does stop, but Caden might be a little too young to get that concept.
I've also found that before using timeout it's quite effective to use whatever they want as the leverage, so if he's playing outside and misbehaves I tell him he will have to go inside if he does again or if he is getting angry with his toy cars and throwing them or smashing them into things (sometimes Kyle) then I will threaten to take the cars off him. It's only if that then fails that we resort to time out, and he goes straight to timeout for hitting or pushing. With him hitting himself maybe each time he does it you could remove the toy from him and then place him somewhere he can't hurt himself until he calms down and make it somewhere where he can't see you/get attention. And if poss calmly take the toy off him and remove without speaking to him at all. Just thinking that way he might realise he gets less attention for doing and stop, maybe, might be worth a try, if nothing else it will give you a few minutes to regroup. But in short all toddlers are sh*t heads   ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 1:39pm
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lol Marisa
I just laughed out loud at that and Caden laughed at me laughing
Thanks for the tips I will give them a go, I can put him in his cot with no toys or anything and shut the door when he is having a temper tant.
He hasnt hit Isabella on purpose out of anger yet, just his dad But no doubt that day will come!------------- |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 2:00pm
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I think you have been incredibly honest calling him a sh*thead! We tend to say "so and so have been a right little.....ratbag" when we really mean to say "so and so has been a right ltitle prick today" I know what you mean.
Sorry no advice other than get out of his way when he takes aim 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 2:18pm
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lol Nikki! Thanks and I did um and arr about the sh*thead bit, I decided to say it cos thats how I felt!! I ------------- |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 2:50pm
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love it cuppatea:) (and agree)
i totally get what you mean about that word too.. it didnt make me think anything other than you are wondering what is up with your boy.!!:) E is the same though doesn't hurt himself..doc told us with could be teething(something about aligning the jaw) or frustration.. and of course he's(caden's) had big changes lately... so hard for you when he hurts himself though ..i get that:( time out works for us too.. even though i swore that it would never work mostly it does.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 2:52pm
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we just put him in his room(through lack of anywhere better in our house) and shut the door. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 2:59pm
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Yeah th cot is the only place he can have time out at the moment. He is going into a big boy bed in about a months time and then his room will be made very very boring, so he will be able to have time out in there.'
Thats interesting about the teething thing K.A, he is cutting the big molars and I suspect the eye teeth are on their way too! He has 3 of the molars, and I can see the gum bulging where the 4th is coming through. ------------- |
Posted By: HippyMama
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 3:16pm
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I just thought I'd come back to clarify that I wasn't trying to infer that the OP had anything less than absolute love for both her children.
It is more to the point that I feel when we get to the stage where our kids behavior brings about such strong emotions in us, and reactions including using strong language (whether it is within their earshot or not), it is often a sign that there is something going on within ourselves too (and not solely about their behavior) that needs to be addressed. In terms of where I'm personally coming from though, I guess I have recently been feeling more aware of the origins and intent of language we use to insult people (or vent our frustration at them) - kids included. I know I'd get a bit irritated if one of you called me a sh*thead (even if not to my face), not to say that I don't ever use that kind of language or think really rotten things about my kids on occasion - nobody is perfect after all. It actually seems to me like a testament to how well you do take care of your kids Sheza, in so far as Caden feeling loved and secure enough to let out his frustrations rather than just bottling them up. The older he gets the better he will get at coping, especially when he enters a more verbal stage. ------------- Mama to two earth walkers & two angels. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being. ~ Kittie Franz Next Slingbabies! Meet - Friday 4th May !! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 4:04pm
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yeah i dunno whether it was true but E stopped headbanging after his really sore teeth came through...
Hope you have more luck than us....big boy bed hasnt worked so far! E's room has books still in it but by the end of the minute he's calmed down and sometimes is reading one...i dont mind..but i guess would be better without any books:) yeah see i dont agree with PP... about it meaning we have something that needs to be addressed.. I think as in this case..it's just been a rough few months and his behaviour is testing the limits.. and venting here is a safe and mature option i think! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Natalie_G
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 4:20pm
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Yay this is great the things I have to look forward to.
Arianne already cries when she doesnt get what she wants to think it will get worse than crying eekk. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 6:39pm
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E's is mostly just a wee tantrum..but sometimes he can have several a day.. it's draining..esp pregnant! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Troods
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 9:19pm
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Hugs Sheena.
Emily has never really been a headbanger but would just throw bit of a tanty when she got frustrated. HOWEVER, in the last couple of weeks she has started pounding her head on the floor 3-4 times any time she gets frustrated or something doesn't go her way, occassionally throwing something across the room the process. She doesn't take it out on us though (yet! ). What I've tried doing is getting her to come to mummy or daddy if she needs help, or if a toy is stuck, and show us what the problem is so we can help, before loosing her temper. So far it seems to be working. If I can hear her getting worked up in the lounge, soon after she yells out "need help" or "stuck mum" and she will come and get me. I ask her to show me what she needs help with and fix it for her, and she calms down after that. I'm not sure if Caden might still be a bit young to understand the concept yet but might be worth a go if you think he will take to it.
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 Missed MC July 2011
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 10:50pm
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Hopefully in another few months Caden will be able to say more words and sentences, so he can ask when he needs help etc, at the moment he cant tell me whats pissing him off lol, so he gets angry and thats when the throwing of the toys happens and the head banging.
He is getting better at telling me what he wants though, like today he was sititng on my lap crying cos he had just banged his head on the table and he was saying something and pointing to the computer table, and he was trying to tell me he wanted his nums(dummy), it was so cute :) ------------- |
Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 06 January 2010 at 10:18pm
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From what I can remember it is totally normal behaviour, Jack still has moments where his anger overpowers his rational thoughts so I sit down with him and make him tell me what is wrong (obviously can't work with Caden though) and if he starts throwing toys I take them off him until he calms down. If he still won't calm down I either remove him or take me and Caprece away from him and tell him where we will be when he has calmed down and can join us when he wants.
However thats what I do with a four year old, I find dealing with Caprece a lot harder than Jack as she is only just starting to really get the concepts of explaining and time out. Like shes angry but still doesn't get why and doesn't really care about time out lol So anyway hope that helps a wee bit 
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Posted By: jaz
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 3:59pm
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Caleb will often throw his toys if he gets frustrated (Duplo etc). He used to throw himself on the floor out of frustration. I tell him to use his words and say 'help Mummy' rather than getting angry but he is at the age where he has a lot of words, just needs a reminder that he needs to use them. Sometimes he just needs to get it out of his system. If he's angry at me he will often run away and lock himself in the bedroom. I usually go in after a minute or so and ask if he is feeling better and wants to come out. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Snappy
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 5:44pm
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Jackson is exactly the same. I know how you feel and it is really frustrating and concerning, even though it is normal.
I can understand the tantrum but not the self harm that obviously hurts them yet they continue to do it! Yesterday Jackson wacked his wooden train set on the wall and managed to take out some gib and left a big hole in the wall He hits everybody, mainly Janaya because she is constantly taking his things off him. On saturday he approached her with a coffee mug and wacked her with it
It just seems like all he does is cry about things and I try really hard to distract him or ask him what is wrong.... I also put him in his cot if he gets bad but I find that if I distract him he seems to get over it quicker. Not sure if thats a good thing but when he is doing it all day it sure is easier
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Posted By: bext1
Date Posted: 16 January 2010 at 8:27pm
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We have a twin who is similar, but he headbutts anything IE concrete floor and gets so mad. It's awful to watch and we just put him in his cot. He has bruises all over his head from tanty throwing and the other night wacked his eye in the cot and split his eye lid.
So some great tips here! ------------- 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 17 January 2010 at 10:30am
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Caden headbutts everything as well Gives me such a fright sometimes when he does it.
He a;so head butt me the other day, he usually oly did it t his dad but he got me the other day, and he wasnt even grumpy he just did it....
Im glad he isnt the only one that does it though! ------------- |
Posted By: _Deb_
Date Posted: 17 January 2010 at 12:13pm
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Hi Sheena.
Wow that behaviour sounds awfully familiar! lol. Kaelen was a head banger too, at around the same age. He would slam his head into walls, cupboards, the floor, us, whatever was close to him. He would do it when angry/frustrated. He grew out of it though, didn't last long really. He throws things too, but that's just him being a brat. He can be a right little sh!t at times! Toddlers can be unbelievably frustrating sometimes (or a lot of the time!). But yeah i agree that certain behaviours improve when they get better at letting us know what they want. Kaelen is talking a lot more now so now he can just tell us what he wants. Doesn't stop him whinging and having huge screaming tanty's sometimes though. lol. BTW i don't think there is any more to you saying he's a sh!thead other than that's what he was being. lol. ------------- 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 18 January 2010 at 11:31am
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Sheza, we too had a headbutting child, lucky we never got broken noses from him...he grew out of it.
It is most likely an age thing & maybe a new baby thing also. He may not know how to deal with a few things so he hits himself as he knows he will get a response from you. You never totally know what goes on in little minds. I always try to divert situation, although it is hard at times or ask them why they are angry or sad...hard when they are very young tho. I have a few names for my little angles also, not that I would say it to their faces either...
good luck with it |
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 18 January 2010 at 11:36am
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Sheza, you will laugh....Tom was being a right.......yesterday and I was thinking to myself...."man, you are being a right.....sh*tHEAD" That was it! the best description for how he was behaving. So thank you for putting that word in my head. It is the perfect description for toddler behaviour sometimes.
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Posted By: Shezamumof3
Date Posted: 18 January 2010 at 10:44pm
haha no probs 
Caden had an episode today! I took DH's little Transformer off him cos it has small parts and Caden was pulling it to bits, and he went nuts! Grabbed my legs and head butted me 4 times(not hard bit still!!) and then headbutted the corner of the cuboard twice , he burst into tears even harder and turned straight to me for a cuddle, seriously KIDS!------------- |