loss affecting future pregnancies?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29829
Printed Date: 18 July 2025 at 4:42pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: loss affecting future pregnancies?
Posted By: ElfsMum
Subject: loss affecting future pregnancies?
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 9:14am
|
did your future pregnancies get affected by your mc's? I have really only realised recently that my anxiety (apart from the ocd) stemmed a lot from worrying about losing Ethan both during the pregnancy and really for about a year 18 months afterwards...i knew at the time it wasnt real worry(like intuition) but it seemed very real to me.. and because initially they said i was at risk of pre term labour(due to the cells i have but now they say i am low risk) i worried incessantly with this baby too... i am starting to relax now though having more sore bits with this pregnancy didnt help cause that worried me all the time but now bubs is 'viable' i think i have relaxed a little..and I have been put on PND meds which has also helped a great deal...
anyway people think i should be 'over' the loss of the babies and everytime people say 'feb what a crazy time to have a baby' and i have to say well we did lose two august babies..we did try to have them at different times of the year' then i feel a little sad.. the first loss was a massive shock(found out at scan) and really i think it all stems from that.. although i know it 'happened for a reason' ugh i still hate that saying but Dh was like well it is true even though we didnt want to hear it.. i still wish i could be one of those people who loves pregnancy and relaxes.. I guess it also didnt help that E had an APGAR of 3 when he was born that worried me even more.. ! anyway am i alone in thinking like this? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Replies:
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:33am
|
Nope, I worried the whole way through and also geared myself up for every worst case scenario. DH got very worried as I didn't get emotionally attached to them much at all, purely for that very reason.
IMO, you never really "get over" the loss of a baby, regardless how far along you were. It's just that the pain lessens over time. |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:43am
|
I havent had a subsequent pregnancy yet but when I do I can imagine I will worry myself sick about everything. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: Pook72
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:52am
I tested last night and I just shook, very scared but have to learn to relax! It's natural to worry I think? I wish I could sleep fopr the next 8 weeks!
 Two baby angels------------- June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
|
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 10:55am
Congratulations!! Wishing you a sticky baby and a safe pregnancy! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Pook72 wrote:Posted By: Pook72
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:03am
|
Thanks Azza ------------- June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
|
Posted By: lemongirl
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:26am
|
I keep telling myself if/when I have a subsquent pregnancy I'm going to try and work off the 'first pancake' principle.
You see I make http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/Forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29027&PN=1 - awesome buttermilk pancakes almost every weekend. But no matter what I do, I always seem to screw up that first pancake (and sometimes second and third). The rest of the batch is always awesome just something about that first pancake which always gets screwed up. However I totally get why you would be anxious about the next pregnancy. Just breathe deep and think how much of miracle your baby is when you first hold him in your arms. Ps Huge congratulations Pook, I hope your pancake turns out great 
|
Posted By: Pook72
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 11:33am
|
I stuffed up the first two pan cakes so this one has to be good!!! You made me smile! ------------- June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 12:50pm
|
kate- yeah true.. i am very attached to him but i think that makes it worse sometimes?
pook-best wishes for a healthy pregnancy! lemon girl yeah i can look at Ethan(who was inbetween losses) and think how wonderful it can be...but i guess i have trouble thinking about that far ahead!:) i get the pancake thing but i really loved that first pancake!! and the third! :) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 12:55pm
|
gabriel was my fourth pregnancy and i was in complete denial that it was going to result in a baby till after i was 5 months... even then i worried a lot. and then when i got pregnant with toby i was convinced it wouldnt last, but it did... and even with eden - more so i think cause she wasnt in the plan - i remember going for an early scan and being so sure that it wasnt going to be viable that i was shocked that it was....
so yeah totally normal, but a real PITA! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
|
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:02pm
|
Bizzy, did you do anything different with your viable pregnancies (bedrest/progesterone/etc) or was it just the way it turned out? ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:12pm
I perhaps have a differing view to other people and I'm not always the best with my words so this is only about me and how I feel, I don't mean to cause offence to anyone who differs from me 
Early miscarriages don't bother me. Perhaps cause of my scientific mind I would rather miscarry early as it does happen for a reason than to go on and have a pregnancy/baby full of problems. I worry about ectopics but not because the pregnancy will end but because it has the potential to kill me. Next time however I will stress and worry until I know for sure I have a healthy bub. I'm at a higher risk for an ectopic as well as fetal abnormalities, thats what worries me rather than miscarrying. |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:27pm
|
kebakat.. yeah i realise we are all different..but sometimes i wish i could think like you in that way ... i wonder why it still affected me so much?i guess the PND and depression wasnt helping..
bizzy- yeah it is a PITA:( ! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Kicker
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:34pm
|
I think my losses have definately affected this pregnancy. At every scan i wouldn't relax until i saw the heartbeat and they told me it was good (including my scan yesterday), i get nervous before every mw appt just in case. I try to rationalise it that now at 22 weeks it should be okay but it doesn't stop the niggly doubts. I think its totally normal to feel this way. -------------  
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 2:01pm
|
yeah i have followed you for a long while kicker and so glad everything is going well..i cant imagine what two missed mc is like!!:( (congrats on the girl!) people keep telling me to relax and I guess i feel like slapping them and saying I'm trying:)! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 4:59pm
with gabriel i went through the recurrent miscarriage clinic and they say 3 mths bed rest, we did hcg levels weekly and scans weekly from about 8 weeks. they also did a relaxation class weekly too... i was already pregnant when i was reffered tho so might have been different if i had been prior to getting pregnant. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 5:03pm
|
did you do the bedrest bizzy? ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: AzzaNZ
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 5:04pm
Wow, 3 months bedrest! I've seen two friends now who have had exactly the same issues I did be booked on bedrest and given progesterone and both their babies have made it past 12 weeks. Do the "what ifs" ever go away?  ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
http://intermittentblogger.wordpress.com |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 5:57pm
|
all my american friends get prog tested and given stuff if its too low.. doesnt seem that common for testing here?:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: asicsgal
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 8:15pm
|
Apologies if this turns into a novel. I can totally relate to the anxiousness about even getting pregnant again. I have had 2 mc's and after the second one went down the specialist route, I'm awaiting another ultrasound next week to confirm but it appears that my lining is too thin which is why I miscarry. In one hand atleast we may have an answer that can be fixed but theres always the 'what if''. I've asked myself whether getting hcg levels monitored will give peace of mind, but I think I'll be a nervous wreck. I'm prone to high levels of anxiety as it is.
I was just thinking this morning in the shower (tends to be my thinking space LOL), that I would have a 1 month old baby if I hadn't of miscarried - not that we should do this to ourselves. I think the loss of a baby from the time we find out will always be a loss, it's how we adjust to the situation that heals but there are always scars. It seems so sad that when you miscarry it takes away the joy the next time because all you do is worry. The second miscarriage I carried slightly longer, so hope started to build. TMI but even now when I get my monthly a part of me is reminded of those horrible sinking feelings associated with bleeding. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|
Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 8:25pm
 ------------- 
 
|
Posted By: asicsgal
Date Posted: 10 November 2009 at 8:34pm
Best wishes for this little one to stick ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: ISpyCharlie
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 9:45am
|
Congratulations Pook72!! I too haven't approach that bridge yet, though I still can't get my M/C out of my head, so I am bound to feel anxious again, when I do fall pregnant. And I know logically that 'it wasn't mean to be', though it doesn't stop it hurting any less. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
|
Posted By: Pook72
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 10:39am
|
Hi Ispy!
I don't think I will ever got over my MC's and I don't think I should in a way, they were a part of me and would have been my children...... I want to be a mother and If I don't try I won't know. I have been going to accupunture for a couple of months and have found it has really helped me to relax. I am going to drop down to part time hours soon as well as lots of TLC is what my specialist said is most likely to help. Does that make sense? *deep breath* ------------- June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
|
Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 1:22pm
|
I think its normal to feel as you do. I am a bit like kebakat in my approach and am not too bothered by my MC (in fact I feel a fraud even saying I had one). I guess it was my scientific background too. I dont like the phrase "happened for a reason". I dont agree with that...I just think it "didnt happen" at all. In my case I see it as a clump of cells that didnt quite have what it takes to make a baby. I guess its not that different to thinking of each AF as being a lost baby too. We all know that an egg gets lost each month but you could go tot he extreme and think that was a baby that didnt make it. Thats kind of how I think about my early MC.
Your situation is different in that you got to your scan totally expecting to see a baby. I remember you posting that in our Aug thread and that totally put the willies up me. I am just so grateful that my MC was early.....before I thought of it as a proper baby (bad choice of words). Now, the way I tried to cope with the next pregnancy...and its just what I tried to do..not what I succeeded in doing well, was not to worry. I figured that there really wasnt anything I could do to stop a MC happening but I could make sure that I enjoyed every bit of the pregnancy so that this baby was enjoyed the whole way rather than worried about the whole way. If by chance it didnt work, I'd deal with that then. A bit like the "smile, it might not happen" mentality. Remember....statistically....most babies do survive!!! As for worrying after they are born.....I still do. |
Posted By: X
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 1:34pm
|
This is my opinion (& I don't mean to offend anyone by it)...
I have had two MC this year, both at 6 weeks. I lost one baby, fell pregnant the very next cycle, & then lost that baby too. I think that every day when faced with every single thing that happens to us, we have a choice. We can choose to be negative or we can choose to be positive. We can't actually control the things that happen to us, but we CAN control the way we react to them. When I had my MC I had to choose. Do I let it break me, do I fall into a black hole of despair & never get over it, or do I choose to stay positive, view it as only a minor setbgack, put a smile on my face & carry on? I chose the second option. I try to do this with every bad situation I am faced with. That is just the way I have decided to live my life. Was it sad? Yes, it was. Do I still sometimes think about those babies & what could've been? Yes, of course I do. But am I going to let it make me unhappy? No. Am I going to let it make me avoid other pregnant women due around the same time as me? No. Am I going to let it be a defining moment of sadness in my life? No. I choose to be positive. So I waited a month & then we started trying again. We fell pregnant straight away & now I am 16 weeks pregnant. Did I let it ruin this pregnancy for me? Hell no. I chose not to be worried & upset & paranoid this time. I chose just to enjoy my pregnancy & remain optimistic. As I said-that's just my approach to life. I really don't mean to offend anyone who is still struggling to come to terms with their MC. We are all different. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
|
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 2:40pm
|
yeah everyone worries after they are born but i was ridiculous..not letting others look after him..i think partly thats normal but also i was a bit OTT...
I get what you are saying about the early baby thing but i just dont get when it 'becomes a baby' if not at conception? It eased a little after getting preg with E in terms of being pissed off i wasnt a mother and I assume it will be the same this time but i still think of the aug 07 guys adn think..wow my little one would have been doing this or that..doesnt help bub was conceived day after our wedding i guess:) odette- i would love to be like that..I'm just not...:) maybe if i tried more often to think positive i guess? this time its a lot of worrying abotu mc then preterm lol.. so i cant win.. but i am slowly thinking soon i will be a mother of two little guys and being at cuppateas today looking at her two thinking this will be me next year made me smile:) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 6:02pm
I'm abit practical too. My first pancake was perfect then like the 7 or so after that completely missed the pan  It sucked but since there wasn't anything I felt I could do about since I'd already been warned not to expect to have another viable pregnancy I just blocked it out. The worst were the late 12-14 week ones but still life went on.
This time round I completely panicked when I had a massive bleed at 14 weeks but other than that I figured it'd happen or it wouldn't. The area where its hit me is the bonding. I really struggle to feel connected in any way to him and thats a real stressor for me. I figure it'll sort itself out though. Bit blase maybe but if I stressed about it all the time then I reckon it'd just make things worse. -------------   
|
Posted By: Raspberryjam
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 9:52pm
|
Well Odettenz Im quite like you I choose to be positive too, but i have had many dark moments also.
When I first fell pregant with Milla, I had spot bleeding and was terrified. Without a Mum or a sister i had no idea what to expectand yip, wished I could sleep til I knew it was all ok. Then my daughter was born with a complex congenital heart defect, and I know first hand that the fear of loosing a child is the closest thing you will ever feel to desperation. This dosent just apply for critical children like mine, Im sure many of you have been worried beyond belief about seemingly minor mishaps, or even if your babe is still growing in your tum and you have every right to be. One thing I have learnt, after the docs told us to take her home and love her, is that I am her Mum and thats all I can be, and I believe that she chose us to be her parents because we love her best, and we do because thats all she expects of us. Being positive makes a huge difference to us, Id say things could get crazy round here if we werent. I am a bit nervous right now, but I know in my heart of hearts that I can only do what is in my control to make this baby survive and hopefully be a healthy one. Everything really does happen for a reason, but sometimes its beyond me what that reason is! ------------- http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
http://lilypie.com] 
|
Posted By: asicsgal
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 6:16pm
|
Yes I agree about being positive otherwise you could just roll over and give up on everything.
As hard as the M/C's were I picked myself up and carried on. We all do have a choice when faced with different circumstances. After the diagnosis and subsequent death of my mother (after a 12 month disease that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), it taught me a valuable lesson. No matter how hard things get, I can survive it. It goes without saying that we should'nt have to justify why we feel down sometimes, why we're anxious etc etc. We are all different, all different situations, all different pasts, it's great the support here and a place to talk to others who understand. Raspberry Jam, yep I do believe everything happens for a reason but yes sometimes we may never know what the reason is. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
|