Help for a friend
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Coping with infertility
Forum Description: Have you been trying to conceive unsuccessfully? Dealing with primary or secondary infertility? Get support, advice, and help coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27273
Printed Date: 28 April 2025 at 2:07pm
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Topic: Help for a friend
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: Help for a friend
Date Posted: 01 July 2009 at 1:31pm
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I'm asking on behalf of a friend on this because I'm pretty clueless at alternative options to conceive so I'm wondering if any of you ladies would have any advice etc.
My friend is 30, she had to have a hysterectomy very recently for medical reasons. She had some eggs frozen approx a year ago when she found out having a hysterectomy was going to be a very real possibility. Her DP is in his late 30s and already has 2 kids to his previous wife. Shes longing to be a mummy for herself and would make a really good one too. They have a great relationship but shes worried about how shes going to feel about not being able to have kids while he has his kids around. He's not just a weekend dad, he has them one week on one week off so they are around half the time. They are quite clear that she will be a good friend to his kids not a mum because they already have a great mum. As far as I can figure out she only really has surrogacy as an option since she has eggs but can't put them inside herself. I'm going to guess that would be really hard to find someone willing to do that (I know I couldn't). Is that really hard to do in NZ? Like I said I'm clueless about this stuff.. Or does she really need to find a way to come to terms with her not being able to have kids at all? How does one deal with that? I'd like to help her by giving her ideas or just letting her vent but I don't know what to say to her when she tells me things.. |
Replies:
Posted By: mtjt
Date Posted: 01 July 2009 at 2:01pm
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Hi Kebakat
I can understand your friends desire and need to have her own biological children with her hubby. More so that he has already got 2 to a previous marriage, which means she obviously feels left out and not forfilled. Just as well she got her eggs frozen prior to her opp. Couldnt they try themselves with his sperm so they can have their own family..?? I can totally understand her feelings, his kids have a mum - and your friend is and can only be a "friend" good and kind to them.. The week on week off thing must be hard on her as one week its just the 2 of them and the next theirs kids around taking your DH attention away from her..So hence to have her own would be very rewarding... She should really discuss this with her hubby and try via ivf (her eggs aleady ready) just needs him.. Tell her good luck from me! |
Posted By: AandCsmum
Date Posted: 01 July 2009 at 2:21pm
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I'd say that surrogacy is the only way. There are people out there that do it, even some family members do it for other family members. I remember reading articles in women's magazines about it. Maybe google it?
I personally couldn't do that either as I don't enjoy pregnancy. ------------- Kel http://lilypie.com"> 
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12 |
Posted By: fire_engine
Date Posted: 01 July 2009 at 8:14pm
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Surrogacy is pretty rare in NZ but there was the daughter doing it for a mother in the paper at the weekend. Surrogacy has to be approved by the human reproductive ethics committee (something like that) and the same article suggested that most who applied did get approval. I would imagine they would have to go through a fertility service to go any further though it sounds like she'd be linked in already since she's had her eggs frozen.
Maybe take a look on overseas forums (don't know any but you can probably google them) to get more info about what it's like. Probably talking to a fertility service would give more info about how likely it is. I *think* that most NZ surrogacies have been friends, though I *think* (again) that I have seen ads for surrogates. But yes, would be an amazing person who could be a surrogate - I know I couldn't. Good luck to your friend whatever path she goes down. ------------- Mum to two wee boys |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 02 July 2009 at 8:45am
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That's useful info. Might google it when Daniel decides to have a day sleep lol.
It sucks for her as she doesn't have a relationship at all with family (hers are the weirdest family I have ever heard of) and she said once the only person she would think of answering can't have anymore kids due to the birth of her last child. All round the situation just sucks for her. |