Why ?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26259
Printed Date: 19 July 2025 at 4:47pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Why ?
Posted By: ShelliN
Subject: Why ?
Date Posted: 01 May 2009 at 2:18pm
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We had our 12 wk scan on Tuesday and found out this little one has no heartbeat and had stopped growing a few weeks ago.. now just waiting to go in for a D&C on monday..
I am really struggling with the why . . . I know the statistics say its normal but WHY did it just stop growing like that ? I feel like it must have been something I did or didnt do. |
Replies:
Posted By: Mum_mum
Date Posted: 01 May 2009 at 3:28pm
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Hey Shellin, big hugs for you!
It isnt something that you have or havent done! and there is nothing that you could have done to stop what happened either so you must'nt blame yourself. Unfortunatly i think what happens is that when the egg and sperm combines, important info that is needed for baby to progress past a certain stage isnt passed so it just doesnt have the tools as such to go past that stage. Sorry if that sounds rather harsh or not right, but i do know how you are feeling and its devastating and you cant figure out why all the people that dont want their babies can have them so easily yet the people who treasure their little ones right from the start have to lose their little ones. Good luck for your D&C, its not nice but i felt that atleast it was over and done with and hurt just a little bit less. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
 Angel baby - May 2008
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 01 May 2009 at 4:00pm
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Firstly, Secondly, I think everyone has to find their own answer to your question. Like Hannahbil I went down a fairly 'clinical' path - deciding that due to an error in the 'code' (can you tell I work with computers) that the baby wasn't 'complete' and therefore non-viable. Other friends of mine have more emotional and spiritial responses to m/c. Whatever makes you feel OK (well, as OK as you can feel) is the right answer for you. And finally...you need to KNOW, there was nothing! absolutely nothing! you did (or did not do) that caused this. Let yourself off the hook. Self blame will do you no good at all. The fact you are greiving for your lost baby shows that you cared for, loved and wanted it. Please, be kind to yourself.
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Posted By: ShelliN
Date Posted: 02 May 2009 at 4:31pm
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Thanks guys . . the logical part of my brain knows that it wasnt anything I did but its hard to get my emotions to agree.
Am just trying to take some time for myself, I think it will be easier once its "over and done with". Thanks again 
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Posted By: Niecey
Date Posted: 02 May 2009 at 9:28pm
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big hugs for you! Do not in any way blame this on anything you did or didn't do. It's all a mystery. I can't imagine what you're going through. Sorry about your loss. ------------- Denise http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: littlestar
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 7:53am
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Hugs ShelliN - We'll be thinking of you today.
Its a very unfun thing to go through - but you will feel better afterwards. There really is no rhyme or reason to why - for me I felt my first one was just not meant to be, but I will never forget my wee bean. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: surfergirl
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:02am
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ShelliN, I also just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today...(if you haven't m/c naturally over the w/end). Having had a D&C I can offer some comfort that for me (at least) it was the beginning of moving forward. It is a sad, sad time, so please be kind to yourself and allow others to care for and love you. Hugs to you and your family! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 1:15pm
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i know where you are coming from..the exact same thing happened to me.. i went through all of the same thoughts...and it sucks..i was jealous (noone else in my group lost their babies) and a wide range of other emotions.. and I couldn't do the clinical way of things(totally know it's each to their own) as the baby was so wanted and I felt so gutted ..and in my case they did an analysis and found out why which helped a tiny bit I guess... I think if people haven't been through it they simply don't understand and some people in real life say very stupid things thinking they are helping as well:(
anyway you can msg me if you like or want to just vent or say anything.. ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: ShelliN
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 9:11pm
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Thanks everyone for the support, went to the hospital today didnt have the D&C, had the tablets instead. They seemed to have done their job, am very sore and still heavily bleeding.
im glad to have it done now though and feel like I can move on a bit easier now, we going to plant a tree in the weekend for "remembrance" 
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Posted By: BusyMum2three
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 7:56pm
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