possibly a strange question
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19288
Printed Date: 18 July 2025 at 6:33am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: possibly a strange question
Posted By: krissy
Subject: possibly a strange question
Date Posted: 19 July 2008 at 9:54pm
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hey everyone,
im new on here but i wanted to share my story and get some thoughts on it as im still very confused about it. I am 35weeks pregnant with a baby boy, due on the 21st of August. At around 12weeks pregnant i was admitted to hospital with severe hyperemesis. i had an initial ultrasound and was told that there could be twins. the next morning i had a proper ultrasound and they told me that yes, there were 2 sacs and 2 'yolks' but one had stopped developing at 8weeks. I was gutted and confused, as noone ever called the '2nd sac' a baby or a foetus and i never needed a D&C and i never bled, and was assured that the sac would just merge with the healthy foetus. it wasnt until i read the words 'foetal demise of 2nd sac' on my ultrasound notes that i even considered the fact that i had effectively miscarried one of my babies. to this day my partner doesnt really think of the other sac as a baby and everyone i talk to doesnt see what the big deal is, but the more i think about it the more upset i become. had that embryo continued developing i would be having two children in 5 weeks not one. in my mind that '2nd sac' was still my child. it was fertilized and it was alive and growing for 8weeks, and would have been my child. am i crazy? still noone has ever confirmed or denyed my thoughts on the 'baby'. did i miscarry or did i not? are my hormones just making me over emotional? sorry if this isnt the right place to post this i just needed to vent my frustrations. also my deepest sympathies to those of you on here who have miscarried or lost a child 
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Replies:
Posted By: Vanillabean
Date Posted: 19 July 2008 at 10:27pm
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Krissy, if there were two sacs that means that two embryo's implanted and as you say one of those embryos died at eight weeks. I'm not sure if that is technically a miscarriage but it is definitely a pregnancy loss.
I so sorry for your loss and so sorry about how it was dealt with. Take care of yourself. ------------- 5x mc, Jan 08, June 08, Nov 08, May 09, April 11 http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: krissy
Date Posted: 19 July 2008 at 10:34pm
| Thank you for being so clear about that Vanillabean, ive had so many different things said to me by people who have no idea, its just comforting to hear some clarity, thanks for the kind words. |
Posted By: yummymummy
Date Posted: 19 July 2008 at 10:34pm
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I'm not sure what the techincal term would be but it's a loss - well that's what I think. I mean if it wasn't a twin, then it would have been a miscarriage so I don't see why it isn't - even if you are still having a baby.
Sorry for you loss. Big hugs  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: cuppatea
Date Posted: 20 July 2008 at 8:02am
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My understanding is sometimes when a twin is lost then instead of bleeding the body absorbs the baby. It sounds to me like you have still had a loss, there were two babies and now there is only one. I like you would be devasted if this happed to me and I think you have every right to be emotional about it.
Have a look at this website http://www.twinloss.org.nz/ they have support and advice for this type of loss. ------------- 
 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 20 July 2008 at 10:10am
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I agree, the loss of one twin is definitely a loss! I have a book called Twins and Multiple Births by Dr Carol Cooper which has a whole section on the loss of one or more babies from a multiple pregnancy, and the emotions that can result from that. In some ways I think it must be harder than losing a singleton coz you always have the surviving twin to remind you of your lost baby's milestones.
Big hugs to you and best of luck over the next month or so! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 20 July 2008 at 11:29am
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I am so sorry Krissy, you should be allowed to grieve the loss of your baby regardless of the one you are still carrying.
My MIL went through they same thing 30 years ago, my DH is the surviving twin. She lights a candle and places a red rose by it every year on their birthday. I have heard it referred to as vanishing twin syndrome, if it helps to have a name. Have you spoken with our LMC about this, pushing your grief aside is not healthy... maybe she can suggest a councillor you can talk to? Big hugs hun. -------------   
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Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 20 July 2008 at 3:44pm
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I am sorry to hear of your loss, but was thinking along the same lines as melnel, speak to your lmc, you don't want this hanging over you and getting too much to cope with if you can get some help now. ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 20 July 2008 at 5:01pm
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I lost my baby at 12 weeks though she only grew for 8 weeks..and I definitely had to grieve...and it should be no different just because you have another one.. massive hugs to you!! and boo to the people in your life who can't see how important acknowledging the baby and your grief is:( ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: krissy
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 12:11pm
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thanks so much everyone, sory it took me so long to reply, internets on the fritz.
im going to check out that website, and yeah having a name for it does help. ive spoken to my LMc and shes finding some support for me which is awesome thanks again everyone |