I am so ashammed.........
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16400
Printed Date: 22 July 2025 at 11:57pm
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Topic: I am so ashammed.........
Posted By: Kels
Subject: I am so ashammed.........
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:47am
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I hate my son... I dont know what to do and Im so embarrasshed to take him anywhere. Yesterday was breaking point. He screamed sooo much aat the airport before we left for no reason that he vomitted all over me and we were still in the boarding lounge Got on the plane and he screamed from Welly to Dunedin. In the end I just cried with him. No one to help me and my gorls in tears too. He has been acting like this for a few weeks now but it is getting worse. I dont know what to do and am the point where I was begging my mum yesterday once we got off the plane to keep him when I get home. I am sooo scared of hurting him myself but I am just so desperate now. I dont know what to do. PLease any advice needed I DONT know what to do ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
I was covered and so was he. Replies:
Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:50am
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OMG Kels! Is he teething or is he having problems with his teeth or something?
Hugs to you! PS: Can't think of anything to help you just yet. Something is clearly going on with him though... ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: peanut butter
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:02am
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Quick pull out his baby photos and reminisce!!! It wont seem so bad when you remember he can be sweet and gorgey.
Hopefully it will pass soon!! |
Posted By: newmum
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:03am
Oh no Kels   So sorry to hear that. Hope things get better soon. Can you take some time out while you ae away?
I know how it feels to be at the point you are. It's scary feeling like that isn't it? Hugs to you. Don't forget to breathe. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Redbedrock
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:20am
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Hey keli
Take lots of deep breaths, this is a phase of some description. But a tough one I know. Fay's name has been put down for several boarding schools in England recently, she can stay there until she is 18 at this rate. He may be teething as .Mel said or really really testing the boundaries, I know Fay gets really frustrated but has not made herself sick on me yet. Thank goodness you were only going to Dunedin and not to Australia, that would have made you very popular for 3 half hours, smelling of sick and with a screaming baby. I can always get a positive out of a negative these days Can you take time out from him while you are down South, maybe get someone to babysit and spend some fun time on your own or doing girly things with leisieli and Mercedes. take a break from each other. It's probably not helping that you are sick at the moment either, not the best way to help your temper when you don;t feel right. I know you will not hurt him Keli, but walk away if you are in a safe place and let his tantrum run it's course and go have a cuppa or a glass of something in another room while he thrashes it out. on the floor 
I hope you get some rest this week ------------- http://www.babysfirstsite.com"> 
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Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:24am
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Oh Kels
At the airport though, gosh that's difficult! Did you go into the parents room opposite the music store? It has a large playspace with couches and a huge abacus. It doesn't help that you're not well and totally exhausted with the GF too. I know exactly what you mean though. Michaela has been a real rat recently too, especially on the walk home from the train station which takes me 4 mins by myself and 25 mins with her, and I too find myself being a bit rougher with her when I do pick her up just because I'm so pissed off with her for acting this way. I too feel awful and ashamed for it - this is not the sort of parent I want to be. (thread jack over) One thing that helps me is to have timeout (michaela is usually such a little sh!t on the way home she's put into timeout the minute we get there). Asking your mum to take him is a really good idea and I know it feels like copping out (I work full time and I miss her so much and really want to spend time with her and then the minute I get home because she's been such a rat all I want to do is be by myself away from her) but you need to have some time to yourself so that you can recharge and really enjoy your time together. There has to be a reason for the tantrums so maybe you could brainstorm what might be causing them and then work out preventative measures. Ideas of what it could be: ~ tired ~ hungry ~ bored ~ wants to be in control (do you set him little chores and goals?) I was speaking to a work colleague yesterday that was sent to an orphanage by his mum at 2 years old - if all else fails maybe that's an option  -------------  
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:45am
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Big hugs Kels, this age is really tough.
Have you had his ears checked? Joshie plays up something shocking when he has ear infections, so now, when he is extra toady (as opposed to his usual toadiness) I take him straight to the Dr to get them checked. Usually is the problem. All the best hun
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Posted By: baalamb
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:47am
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Kels, I don't have any suggestions, but let me know if I can help at all. I'm only around the corner.
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Posted By: caraMel
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 9:52am
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I've felt the way you are and really frightened myself with the strength of my anger. All I can do at times like that is walk away and remind myself that he/she is just a little kid and I am the adult. Repeating it out loud over and over if I need to until I can calm down. Its not so easy to walk away when you're not staying at home though eh? Has he been tested for GF? Maybe he's not feeling 100% either? Don't feel bad for wanting your mum to take him, you're sick too hun and you need a break! ------------- Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and: 
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Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 10:05am
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aww kels, that makes me so sad to read that! i know when i get tired i tend to react to things that normally i wouldnt, and so the kids then spin off on the lack of consistency. but when you are tired the little things become HUGE. i cant even begin to imagine how strong you are having to be to keep going when all you want to do is crawl into your duvet and emerge in spring.
Alize has been such hard work for you, but he is also a great joy to you. just sometimes difficult to remember that. I hope you do manage to rest on holiday, if you manage to get down here you can go hide in bed and read books (i have lots and i will look after your ratbag, he will fit in nicely with jordis 
know that this is just a short phase in your life. in time you will start to recover, and will start feeling better, and more able to cope with things. but a small time out from alize isnt a bad thing, most people with your illness(s) are off work for the duration, and get to laze in bed with a bell and waiting staff etc etc. you dont have that luxury, i wish you did though! ------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe - my big 4 year old
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: Rachael21
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 10:44am
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I don't have any advice only that if you find some magical cure let me know. Jack is the same, I can't figure out what is worng with him so we just stay at home as much as possible. When we are out he is getting dragged along screaming.
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 11:50am
| Aw Kels!! xoxoxoxoxoxox |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 11:54am
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big hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are doing so well..esp to go away with them all ! my chiro said often they see children whose parents are at the end of their tethers and it can end up being something they can fix..dunno if that helps any... (just trying to think outside the box..) ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 12:57pm
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awww hun its relly not fair when they do this i,ll tell ya what if ya want i will take him for a few hours on monday to give ya a breack if ya want
(i wont be offed if you not keen)  ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 1:56pm
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Oh Kels, and he was so good on friday! He seems to like food Maybe you could just keep shovelling it at him I'm sure your mum will love spending LOTS of time with him, my mum is staying here for the week, and has spent the last 2 days playing with Seb LOL it's great... they build castles, read books, throw balls, and I get to look at nappies online and catch up with OhBaby/TNN. -------------  
 
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Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 2:12pm
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Lots of hugs & love from here
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 2:24pm
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Oh hugs hon! Is there any chance you would be able to take him to an osteo or chiro (I sound like a broken record I know)? I know it is expensive but if it is possible I would recommend it as they can pick up on so many things that doctors can't.
HUGE hugs. So sorry to hear things are tough for you . Let us know if we can do anything to support you. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: BuzzyBee
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 2:46pm
Sorry to be the voice of doom here but we tried OSTEO today, I don't think it works for everyone and I wouldn't be quick to recommend it! Lucas screamed for half an hour straight, he started to go blue! He HATED having someone trying to touch him and he clung onto me for dear life, meanwhile the osteo sits there looking at me wondering why I can't console Lucas. I felt like she was judging me when the reason I took him there in the first place was because he gets like this! In fact I was downright farked off when the lady demanded 60bux afterwards, she barely even touched him, maybe patted his back for 2 minutes at that! NOT A HAPPY CUSTOMER! (and yes this was a fully qualified Osteopathic clinic) On a diff note darling, very big hugs coming your way I know what its like to be on your own & to not have a clean bill of health yourself (although I know GF is very nasty) AND I know what it is like to have an extremely unsettled child who will just scream for hours - it's very unpleasant to say the least!
You definitely deserve a break! I don't really have any advice as such but I'd def pay your GP a visit to get Alize tested for GF & ears infections etc etc, I wouldn't recommend the osteopath just yet. Fiona's osteo must be a baby whisperer too because ours has made matters ten times worse! Look after yourself darl, you're a strong woman and an amazing mother. You can get through this! xxxx ------------- Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :) |
FionaS wrote:Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 3:17pm
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Big hugs sweetie.
I'm at a bit of a loss myself, if you've ruled out anything medical then the only thing I would think of trying would be time out if it's an attention thing. I wish I had some more advice for you, I understand how frustrating the tantrum stage can be!!! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 3:24pm
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mum2lucas- i think you are right it doesnt work for everyone but we went to chiropracter today (got recommended her as similar to osteo) and he has slept so soundly since he got home its been great...so maybe it is an option....to see if it works?cause it sure did for us.
------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 3:57pm
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Big hugs Kels, you know I know where you're coming from, I'd gladly give mine away some days too. And coping on your own with nasty toddler behaviour is hard enough at the best of times, but when you're not 100% yourself it's damn near impossible.
I don't have any advice, I'm still trying to work out how to stop myself strangling a gremlin or two, but just cling to the knowledge that this stage does pass, and one day Alize will be a lovely, well adjusted young man that will do his mother proud, just like his big sisters. Providing of course that you don't sell, strangle or give him away in the interim!
More hugs! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: pepsi
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 6:20pm
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now Kels.. I hope this picture makes you smile as well as gross you out a little 
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Posted By: katie1
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 6:59pm
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Gross Pepsi!!!!!!!
The others have said everything Kels but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you. Those patches are SO hard at the best of times let alone when you are not well. You are such a great Mum and are doing so well. I hope your Mum can give you a break while you are there. I really hope you can have some Nana naps and big sleep ins. Hugs. |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:09pm
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A huge thankyou to everyone here! Your kind words have me in tears as I realise I am not in this battle alone. I do go to the GP and I have a nasty gastro infection and they have put me on buscapan for the constant pain I have been in since TUesday. I was able to put Alize to bed on cue 10.30 am and went back to bed myself. Woke up feeling much better and able to try and cope with ALize. My family have been fab. I guess being so used to doing everything by myself aLL the time I forgEt when I am around people I can ask for help. Althou no one will take him they will feed him for me and get me a bit of a break.. Again to all my Ohbaby family loads of hugs for all your LOVE AND support KIDS WHO WOULD HAVE THEM ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:18pm
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Just in reply to Mum2Lucas - sorry to hear it didn't go well. Elle won't tolerate female practitioners either...screams so much they can't treat her. Furthermore, after her first treatment with the guy we now see....she got waaaaaaaaay worse which is common when the treatment is working....after the second they settle right down.
But yes, there is no one size fits all...it is trial and error all the way with kids. Huge hugs Kels...you are doing an amazing job raising your kids, working, supporting all of us. I really really admire you. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Mum2ET
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:23pm
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[QUOTE=FionaS]Just in reply to Mum2Lucas - sorry to hear it didn't go well. Elle won't tolerate female practitioners either...screams so much they can't treat her. Furthermore, after her first treatment with the guy we now see....she got waaaaaaaaay worse which is common when the treatment is working....after the second they settle right down. Sorry to thread-jack but that is really interesting Fiona and good to know. I took Ella to an osteopath (a female and Ella was fine with her), and while Ella didn't get upset, her night wakings have been slightly worst. We are going back next Mon, so will be interesting to see how it goes second time around. M2L- am really sorry to hear that you didn't have a good experience. ------------- Mum to Ella (5) and Tom (2) |
Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:36pm
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Ow, Kelz... don't feel ashamed - you're just saying what the rest of us have thought during the worst of it. Come on, it's not like anyone can pretend to have never feared they'd completely lose the plot if just one more thing went wrong. So don't beat yourself up - you're not in any way 'failing' here, it's just that you're in the middle of a particularly sucky situation, and it, well, sucks. I wish I could make it better somehow - Alize could come scream and vomit here for a day if I were in Wellers. But alas, I'm 2 hours away in a far less interesting town. Aw Kels, hang in there - you're such a fab person and wonderful mummy. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: shaz
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:45pm
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Kels I so know what your going through I hated Natasha at that age she was my "hell child" and could throw the worst tantrums at the most embarrassing times and she always though up all over herself and me if I wasn't fast enough. I felt all I ever did was say "NO" and yell at her for being naughty...I felt like such a bad Mother. I'd cry all the time.
I had some advise from another Mum (which I didn't really want to listen too at the time but it did work after I finally accepted it) So some of what she said was. Don't sweat the small stuff only tell them off for the BIG things, try not to get too worked up over things that don't really hurt anyone. Time out is a god send and a safe bathroom with locked cupboards is great for kids that can make themselves sick. So much easier to clean. If it all gets to much walk away...put them somewhere safe make a cup of tea go outside and sit. He may cry but once you have calmed down you can give him a big hug and he will forgive you. Flag the housework do the basics and give yourself a break as long as the house is basically clean mess want hurt. I'm sure there were a few more but Tasha is 12 now and wonderful!!! It's my easy baby (Alex) thats hard work now. Some people may not agree with all that but it worked for Natasha and me. Once I stopped stressing about all the stuff I "should" be doing I was so much happier it took a little while to come right but it did in the end. ------------- Mum to Natasha Aroha 9/12/1995, Alexandra Makareta Waimarie 22/4/1998 and....Alyssa Frances Hopaea 18/03/2007 
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Posted By: Bubbaloo
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 8:46pm
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Big hugs Kels glad to hear your feeling a bit better I'm a bit inclined to think it's a phase that he's going through.
Just remember your not alone and I was feeling the exact same way about a week ago. ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  Was danni-chick Mum to James My Angel 28/07/08 |
Posted By: AliaDawn
Date Posted: 17 April 2008 at 10:08pm
What's scary is that's in the men's bathroom Either that, or that's a veeery hairy woman's arm. -------------
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Posted By: Leish
Date Posted: 18 April 2008 at 8:16pm
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Oh Kels hon. Thinking of you. Glad that you are with your family and that you are getting a bit of a break. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: gemsmum
Date Posted: 18 April 2008 at 9:30pm
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Big hugs Kels. I don't have any advice for dealing with the tanties - but just wanted to say that I think you're doing an amazing job. You're a working, studying Mum, with kids of varying ages and stages and you're currently not well! Make the most of your family and get some rest. Take care.
------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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Posted By: nictoddie
Date Posted: 22 April 2008 at 12:06pm
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oh chickie, sorry to hear that been there many times myself and yup it is a faze and when we sit and think the good times far outway the bad, and like emma said hard when your not feeling 100% yourself and on your own, and totally embarrasing when they do it in public but isn't that how it normally is lol ------------- 
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