Implementing Time Out
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15406
Printed Date: 22 July 2025 at 1:09pm
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Topic: Implementing Time Out
Posted By: FionaS
Subject: Implementing Time Out
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:01pm
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If you use time out / the naughty spot (I prefer to call it the thinking spot), how did you go about implementing it?
ATM, I have to put Gabrielle in her room because I imagine it would be a very very very hard and lengthy process to get her to stay in one spot. Today at mainly music she hit another baby...quite deliberately. She was in a terrible mood. She loves one of the music groups we go to but for some reason takes exception to this one and cries from the time we arrive until the time morning tea is served (about 1 hour). She just doesn't like something about that place...I don't know what. It is exhausting...but that is beside the point. It freaked me out as there is not an ounce of violence in this house. My mother NEVER smacked me and I intend to follow suit. However, I'm guessing hitting is a normal stage kids go through (please say it is!) I got all the horrified looks from the parents but I couldn't really do anything other than firmly tell Gabrielle "we do not hit....etc" as we were out so she couldn't go to her room. Any tips for what age and how to go about implementing "the thinking spot" would be appreciated. TIA! ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Replies:
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:12pm
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Michaela started getting time out at about 8 months because she was always trying to play with the buttons on the TV.
I started by taking her into a corner and sitting her on my lap holding her arms down (this was so she would stay in time out however now she's older if she's sent to the hallway we leave her there by herself). She gets 1 minute in time out per year of age (so she's up to 2 mins now if she's naughty) and has to apologise before she's allowed out. We don't give her timeout in her bedroom because I don't want her to relate being in her bedroom to negative things (as we had issues for a while getting her to sleep) and also because she has so many toys and books in there it kind of defeats the purpose for time out. Instead she's sent to a corner of the hallway and we close the doors until her time is up. |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:24pm
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It must take dozens and dozens of attempts to teach them to stay on the spot though?? ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:35pm
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She actually usually spends her timeout banging on the lounge door rather then sitting in the hallway but it still does the trick of addressing her behaviour and giving us some time to calm down.
I have also given her timeout when out and about. I just resort to holding her facing a wall for a minute. I don't want her to learn that she can get away with bad behaviour in public which we would never allow at home. -------------  
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:52pm
When I started I used the corner, as I didn't want Hannah to be shut away and destructive - it was good because everywhere has a 'corner' and I can implement 'thinking time' when we are out and about without any problems (well... any MORE problems  )
For a start, it did take a few goes of picking her up and moving her back to the corner with no eye contact and rather detached hold. I usually pick her up without holding her close like a hug, IYKWIM? And usually I do pick her up rather than leading her as it shows I have the control rather than her. I think if you keep in mind that the 'thinking spot' is a period of reflection and more about not rewarding bad behaviour with attention, then it is relatively easy to get in place. I think too many people expect remorse from their kiddos with I think will only result in a VERY frustrated parent. |
Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:57pm
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Yeah that is why I like the term "thinking" spot as that is what is needed...some time away from what happened. I know Elle though and she may well be one of those kids that takes 50+ attempts the first few times. I can't imagine she will listen and understand she has to stay there although maybe she will. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: MrsMojo
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 12:57pm
I agree. Especially at this young age. I should clarify when I say michaela has to 'apologise' I don't in any way expect it to be a sincere apology (especially since she doesn't talk). Her 'sorry' cuddle is more one of relief that we've allowed her back in rather than one of remorse. -------------
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nikkiwhyte wrote:Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 1:25pm
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Hannah goes into her room, because I see it more a time for both of us to cool off and removal of attention, rather than punishment IYKWIM. I am happy if she plays in there cos more often than not I need the break myself. After a few minutes I go in and ask if she is ready to do whatever she was meant to/apologise... (whatever she got sent in there for). Sometimes she says no, so I leave her and eventually she will come out and do as asked.
We started doing this properly when she was about 18 months. ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Paws
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 5:46pm
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Our technique is pretty similar to most here....1 minute per year of age.
And yes it did take a long time for her to learn to stay put! We now have a naughty chair but when it was the naughty spot she used to move off it all the time. We just put her back with no talking and no eye contact and the detached hold that was mentioned and she actually quickly learned that she had to stay there until we came back after 1 minute. Miss M is also expected to give us a cuddle to say sorry thought as MrsMojo said, her sorry cuddle is not so much one of remorse but she does understand she is supposed to "give us a cuddle to say sorry". ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 6:01pm
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i dont follow the time out principles but rather more a modified diane levy method... so if the kids do something they shouldnt i let them know it is unacceptable (dont like the word naughty) and take them to their room and put them in and walk away. normally they are straight back out but they seem to get the point and i do expect them to say sorry to the injured party and that normally results in a voluntary cuddle.
if we were ot in public and something like you described occurred then simply saying NO, that is unacceptable and removing them would have to suffice. i would prob make sure i paid attention to the offended party too... i have only recently - perhaps the last 6-12 mths - started doing it so the boys are def a bit older than elle. i dont believe they do much deliberaterly "naughty" at that age. Oh and i would stop taking her if she hates that particular music group - why stress you both out...if theres no enjoyment there is no point...! ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 6:14pm
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I think you should stop taking Elle to that music group too, she's obviously not happy there, so why push it?
I don't use time out so can't help you on that, sorry. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: FionaS
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 6:56pm
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I'm not planning on pushing it but at the time I agreed to be a helper I assumed she'd love it. I now have to help for a few weeks before I leave as otherwise I will let everyone down.
We've only been for 2 weeks so I thought it was worth trying for one or two more weeks. I'm not in favour of punishment but sometimes you need a way, other than just reinforcing the good to teach that something is not right. Elle get's so wound up sometimes that words don't work but a minute in her room and she is calm and listens and cuddles. ------------- Mummy to Gabrielle and Ashley |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 7:44pm
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sounds like you have it sorted then... the other thing to do when out is just leave. then even if she was enjoying it the punishment is going home. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 18 March 2008 at 10:02pm
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I haven't even tried time out with the gremlins yet, I'm not sure they'd "get" it just yet. We have lots of problems with hitting/biting/scratching/general bullying but thankfully it's usually only between each other and I can usually break it up by separating them by a few feet. I'd be mortified if they did it to someone else's kid tho, I live in fear! -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 19 March 2008 at 11:41am
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'time out' has just started working for us here... sort-of. I tell Ella that whatever she just did is naughty and she has to sit in the corner until mummy comes to get her. I'll put her in this odd corner jutting off our hallway, where she can see into the lounge but there's really nothing to do there or play with. She's just started to understand that the idea is you're meant to sit in that area - she still gets up and comes to find me pretty quickly, but each time I tell her to get back in the corner, and off she goes. Once she's stayed in there long enough for me to legitimately go and retrieve her (I don't think we're even up to a minute yet, but I'm still trying to teach her the idea of it all so that's not important), I'll go and pick her up, ask her to say 'sorry' (with a hug), tell her I love her, and if it's appropriate we'll try again on whatever it was she'd been naughty over - if it was hitting me, we'll have cuddles and play gently. If it was emptying the bookshelf, we'll put the books back together. I think, though I'm really just feeling my way here, that at this age and thereabouts, it's more about teaching them how to do time out, so that it can be used effectively when they're older. Just like 'sorry' is really teaching them about making ammends for when they are old enough to feel remorse. ------------- Andie |