Is my boy a bully?
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Category: Have A Baby?
Forum Name: Toddler Times
Forum Description: Is bubs growing up and getting into everything? How do you train them to use the potty? When do you start feeding solids? Share your tips and advice here!
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14769
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Topic: Is my boy a bully?
Posted By: Jay_R
Subject: Is my boy a bully?
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 11:42am
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We've been having some behavioural issues with Joshua over the last few months, and I'm almost at a loss as to know what to do.
A few weeks ago it was biting. He bit two different children at his daycare - one on three separate occasions. Then, that stopped, and moved on to pinching and scratching. Then, last week it was hitting. And today I am informed that he has been pushing kids over today. What is a mummy to do?? He's a lovely, high spirited little boy, who is so affectionate and gorgeous 99% of the time. One thing I should say is that he is the oldest, and the biggest in the babyroom at his daycare. He's a very tall boy, off the Plunket chart for his length and in the 75th percentile for his weight. The other babies are all much much smaller than him, and I also wonder if he is perhaps ready to move up to the next room. I am a bit hesitant to do so too soon, as I don't want him feeling all out of sorts with being the youngest in the next room. He's not due to move until May. Physically he'd be ok, but his language etc is still quite behind the kids in the next room. Any advice? |
Replies:
Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 1:23pm
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Maybe it is because he's getting bored with the 'babies' and being with the bigger kids may help him settle down and keep him more stimulated. Some kids seem to play heaps better with older ones. What do the teachers think about moving him up early? ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Mazzy
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 2:26pm
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Could they do an arrangement where he spends part of the day with the little kids and part of the day with the older kids? Sort of like a transition phase until he's ready to move into the older group full time? ------------- Mum to two gorgeous girls! |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 2:34pm
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I'm going to talk to the centre director this afternoon when I go in to collect him. A transition type thing would be ideal. HOWEVER, the little boy that Joshua dislikes so much has just been moved up to the next room (he's the one he was biting) so I'm a bit apprehensive about that too.....
Joy of joys! Parenthood, gotta love it 
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Posted By: Andie
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 8:12pm
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Sounds like a move up in rooms is worth a shot, if that's agreeable with the daycare as well. He might even find his language skills taking off faster when he's listening to the constant chatter of the other toddlers? Hope it's sorted out soon for ya. ------------- Andie |
Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 8:17pm
Ah Clare... I feel ya! Felt absolutely terrible when Hannah entered the biting phase 
See if the teachers can shadow him and see what sort of patterns his behaviour is following - is it unprovoked? is it fighting over toys? is it a communication issue? Then you can deal with some of the underlying causes of the behaviour. Hannah started biting at a similar age and it was purely a communication thing. It was always in a situation where she was frustrated at not being able to get other kids to do what she wanted - get out of the way, let go of a toy etc etc and eventually it resolved itself when she learned to talk. If it is a communication issue (which can manifest itself in any of those behaviours) then all you can do is encourage Joshie to speak up. Alternatively, encouraging other kids to also speak up goes some way toward putting them off. Am I making sense? Anyway, I hope you are doing OK. He'll grow out of it. I just hope his 'victims' are of parents with a sense of humour... not so fun dealing with those that don't
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Posted By: nikkitheknitter
Date Posted: 25 February 2008 at 8:19pm
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P.S. If it was unprovoked stuff then I'd assume it was a lack of stimulation - and teachers should do something to make sure that he had things to do at all times.
Oh, and tiredness is also a huge factor. That's when Han's behaviour was also worse... so encouraging her to sit down and do something quiet, like reading, was good to prevent any injuries. |
Posted By: Two Blondinis
Date Posted: 26 February 2008 at 2:15pm
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Caitlin went through a phase of biting - am happy to say that has pretty much passed now. Was much worse when she was either bored or tired.
Now she smacks (mostly me - not that that is ok either) but it is pretty much only when she is tired. When I picked her up from daycare yesterday her daily report said "Caitlin is learning how to use gentle hands" oh dear! Once she has settled into daycare more I think it would be best to move her in with the bigger kids (2-3yrs) for more stimulation.
I reckon that's what is going on with Josh too. I hate it when she beats up on her little friends, especially her bestie, Tyrell  and have to remind myself that they can sort it out themselves and that she's not doing it because she's a brat (most of the time lol)
Not nice seeing your baby upset another baby though  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
 
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 26 February 2008 at 9:09pm
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Hugs Clare! My Mercedes is a bit of a bully and I'm thankful that it seems to be only Sienna that she picks on, I'd be mortified if she bit someone else's kid!
I think the transition idea is a good one. You might hopefully find that the kid Joshie doesn't like is less of an issue in the big kids room coz there are more kids and more space to play. -------------  Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 27 February 2008 at 2:16pm
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Thanks you guys!
The hitting and pushing I'm pretty sure were unprovoked. Or more to the point, he wanted the toys that the other kids were playing with
The biting though was not entirely unprovoked though - the other boy was dragging him by the wrist the first time, hitting him the second time, and blocking his exit from a tunnel (on purpose) the third time. I've chatted to the director of his daycare centre, and they've agreed to start transitioning him soon - before easter. So hopefully that will help with things. |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:00am
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Clare I am sorry you are going through this.
I am sure it is a phase but not nice for both of you. I am surprised to see the daycare are not more proactive! DS was moved from 1st room into 2 year old room at 18 months as they felt he was not "stimulated" enough anymore. For us it was the best move, he loves it there. The transition took less than 1 week. Toni you know the kids will sort it out and we can step in if needed....need to toughen up T anyway! 
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 12:03pm
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His daycare isn't exactly the most proactive of centres to be honest. I need to push and push (yep, they hate my guts ) to get anything sorted.
How are YOU young lady (I think I know who this is.....) How's that divine little man doing? |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 3:41pm
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Yes it is me
We are good thank you! I am in love with him LOL I can not talk about him without smiling 
Would be interesting to know what DC you are using. It is a shame.... We have some issues with our DC in reagrds to food but otherwise they are really good. I hope your wee man settles soon for you both
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Posted By: aimeejoy
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 7:43pm
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I was wondering if it was you, and where you had got to lately! ------------- Aimee Hannah 22/10/05 Greer 11/02/08 |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 8:24pm
Aw it is nice to know I might have been thought about. Never happened to me before  or maybe you do have the wrong person?
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Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 05 March 2008 at 2:22pm
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Of course we don't... we know it's you
How long has little T been in daycare? Was he with Chantell until they left? J is at ABC. |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 05 March 2008 at 3:19pm
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He was with Chantell till just over 1.
He is now at Lollipops Educare just down from the airport. He just loves it there and they all seem to love him
Where abouts is ABC? Far for you to go? |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 9:35am
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Its in Onehunga, so nice and close to home. J loves it there too - and I'm pleased to report we've not had any biting or hitting etc for the whole week! YAY!
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Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 10:07am
| Yay that is awesome! Will be a nice feeling :) |
Posted By: Jay_R
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 10:38am
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It is! I was getting to the point where I was cringing going in to get him cos I kept getting bailed up in the corner and informed of my little mans escapades!!
Are you still living round Onehunga? |
Posted By: Shorty
Date Posted: 06 March 2008 at 10:48am
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I went through something similar when T first started daycare. He was ALWAYS sick. The feeling when they called....my whole body just went limp.
Do they have a good child / teacher ratio? I am sure they have measures that they can help you and your wee man through this! We are in BHB. Just down the road a bit. |