HELP I feel like hurting him

There, its out, I've said it.
I've posted long and plenty about the sleeping dramas I have had with my little insomniac. We have done ABSOLUTELY everything, including "sedation" and we just can't get him to sleep through the night. Unfortunately, we have a "crutch" in the picture, which has made a huge rod for my back, especially in the past few weeks that I have been descending into madness. After I had Charlotte, we had been giving him milk to help him get back to sleep, rather than let him cry, as I found it was disturbing her, and to br frank, I was sleep deprived enough. I was thinking at the worst, I will have to get up once or twice a night (which I had been anyway) and if I can just get him a bottle, it saves the sotthing/shushing/arguing thing.
Howerver. The last 2 weeks or so, he has been waking every 2 hours or so, building up to last night, which started at 8.30 pm, and ended at 4.30am where we gave in and gave him a bottle and all got about 2.5 hours sleep. The thing is the screaming. It is hysterical screaming which winds up so bad the neighbours worry about it, and that stresses me out more. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back, I just cried and screamed at him and raged and shook him and I really really really wanted to hit him, I was so angry and tired and desperate. I didn't hit him, but I was visualising it in my head which frightend me alot.
In the cold light of (a very tiring) day, I realised we have to break the milk/sleep association, so this arvo, for his sleep, I gave him a milk on the couch and a story and he went to bed no worries without a bottle. Tonight was a different story. We did the bottle onthe couch and the story and we went to bed but as we approached the bed, the hysteria started. I out him in bed and firmly told him that he had had the bottle onthe couch and now he was going to bed like a big boy with teddy to help him sleep. He screamed for about 10 mins and then got out of bed and bashed on his door, sobbing his little heart out. I put him back into bed and told him not to get out again (and usually he is very good about that) so he screamed and screamed for AN HOUR. When I finally gave in and went in, there were all these wet patches on the carpet where the little man had obviously been lying and sobbing his heart out about his horrible b!tch of a mother. I ended up giving in and geting the damn bottle. my stomach was in knots for the whole hour of the screaming and now I am dreading the night time as he wakes charlotte as well, and gets even worse when Rod goes in to him.
I am at the end of my tether. My usually well behaved child is a demon at night time and I really am starting to dislike him and resent him (I am sooo tired I just cannot describe it, I haven't slept a full night in over 2 years) and this wanting to hurt him thing is freaking me out and I don't know what to do. My Dr won't help he says he is an insomniac and I just have to suck it up, basically, and plunket can't do anything more. I have put rescue remedy night time on his bottle and hope it buys me a bit more time, but i know I am dealing with habit here as well.
Ah hell, I just feel desperate and sad and I don't want to be a mum anymore.

Ohh you poor bugger! Where's that Super Nanny Jo Frost when you need her - under the damn table eating Continental Pasta and Sauce..........

The key to habit breaking as you no doubt know is consitancy. I know how hard it is when you are tired though and your heart breaks when they are upset. Do remember though that you certainly are not a bad mum for having those feelings of desperation and anger. So completely understandable and pretty normal, I think you would be hard pushed to find any mum who hasn't been at that point.

I don't have any profound thoughts on what to do, but I am sure as this is read by other's their heart will go out to you too and the tips will come flooding in.

Take care!

first things first a great big Hug



I know you are not the only one who has felt like this but probably one of the few who would admit to it.

My first born was terrible sleeper. It wasn't a bottle he wanted just me. I know it was me who got him in the habit wanting to come into my bed but when I tried to break the habit it was a long and fustration process.

I hear you saying alot 'give in to him' you did the hard work. You need to not give in to him as he will continue to do it if he thinks the end result is what 'he' wants. I hate listening to my babies cry and when you see evidence of their cries (wet patches on the floor) it makes you feel worse. honestly he will still love you in the morning and for the rest of his life after you get tough with him.
Perhaps you should read him a book and a bottle in bed rather than the couch? I know I use to make bedtime a quiet relaxing time away from distractions.
Does he get upset if you are in the room? or is it just when you go out?
what I did with my daughter round your sons age as she started not wanting to go to sleep by herself was sit in the room away from her bed and every time she'd look up I would say 'I'm still here' then move away a bit more, and every time I she would look I would say once again 'I am stll here' I had to do this for around a week but after that she never looked up. and slept better - although she didn't wake during the night but you could still do this. i know it is a long and tiring process but it did work and would be worth it in the end for you if it did work. I did not cuddle her or pick her up as i was trying to get her to sleep with out my touch.

ETA: hope you followed that?


Edited by AnnC

Oh Annie I'm so sorry that you are going through this at the moment. I don't have anything to offer except that. I'm sorry. I really hope that you find some help or the right kind of advice to get you through the now. You are a great mum doing a great job and like Ann said - he will still love you in the morning.

I could have easily written this thread myself I have come so close to hitting him so u are deffinately not alone.

Sorry I don't have any ideas for getting him to sleep except is there a sleep therapist or anything u could try. I was a terrible sleeper and my parents took me to a sleep therapist and that got me sleeping.

oh I like what Alyayde suggested - Sticker chart. These worked wonders with my son - used it for toilet training, bed sleeping (I forgot about that).
So many sticker = treat. make it like 2 stickers at first as he will lose interest if he doesn't get any where.
He is old enough to understand things and once he gets that all important 1 sticker - he'll want more (its gettig the first one that could be the toughie)
You could even make it special and go to the shops and let him pick the sticker he gets and coloured paper that it will get stuck to, put it on his bedroom wall/door so he can see it.

Edited by AnnC

You are not a bad person. You are not a bad mum, and you are certainly not a horrible bitch.

I second Paws suggestion - go to a doctor who will listen, and screw the other guy.

PM me if you need to vent, I can flick you my contact details.

First up you are sooooo not a bad Mother. . I can tell you now there are plenty of us that have been where you are and the point you have to remember is you didn't hit him, which is what makes you stand apart from a "bad Mother".

My first Micheal was a nightmare at night. He would sleep until 10-30pm and them stay up until 5-30am. Out of desperation I started putting him in my bed which only helped a little and I ended up with him in our bed until he was four!! I then fell pregnant and we had to wean him away, which consisted of putting a bed in our room for a while and then moving it out. What a nightmare.

Abby is 2.5 and was waking frequently and would not go down by herself we had the screaming until she threw up etc she was also waking up several times for a bottle. I know how distressing and stressful it can be. When I felt I was reaching breaking point I would walk out and get DH to go in for a while. We tried what Ann C said we sat in the room away from the bed etc we did this for a month and had mixed success and then I decided enough was enough and started putting her down on her own. We gave her a sticker chart and did one for the boys, she got really caught up in watching them put their stickers on and getting a treat (even if you made a fake one up for your wee girl) that we told her if she stayed in bed and slept all night she would get one. I didn't think it would work due to her age but after four days of sobbing and screaming etc she now goes down on her own and most importantly 9 times out of 10 sleeps all night and in her own bed. She loves the sticker chart and we heaped lots and lots of praise on her in the morning.

If he continues I would go to a different doctor and ask for help. I know my sister had a lady come around for a month and put her daughter to bed to break the cycle like someone else suggested.

I feel like I'm rambling but I want you to know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I really hope you had a better night last night.

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER.

Edited by nuttymama

Big hugs Annie - you are a great mum and doing a wonderful job.

Only suggestion I have is trying to find a nanny to come and stay with you for a week to help you sort Jacob out. One of my friends did this and I think it was the best thing they ever did - it was quite pricey but for the sanity I think it was worth it. If you want me to find out how she found someone just let me know.

I want to start with a huge  You are doing a awseome job at being a mummy to your 2 beautiful children!!!!!!

I suggest that you need to see your doc and actually tell them your feelings! make sure they know exaclty what is happening and what you are feeling!

The other option (which is 1 we are bout to look into) is see an homeopath person about the sleep.