| Author |
 Topic Search  Topic Options
|
snugglebug 
Senior Member
Joined: 24 June 2009
Location: North Shore
Points: 2146
|
 Post Options
 Thanks(0)
 Quote  Reply
 Topic: Screaming/meltdowns
Posted: 25 November 2011 at 11:18am |
|
Im new to this whole toddler thing so bare with me if this is all normal but any ideas to help greatly appreciated.
My DS has just turned one. He is a spirited child, very determined, which meant at times he was a challenging baby. Anyway at the moment, if he gets hold of anything, usually something he's not allowed to have, like a remote or computer mouse, you get a full on meltdown- like tears, screaming, lying on the floor the works if you take it away. Or if you won't let him have something he wants. Which I understand they have tantrums but Im not sure the best way to handle it because he gets SO upset. I try to avoid situations where he will get the things that he'll be upset if you take off him, but sometimes it happens accidentally. Any tips? Distraction doesn't really work until he has finished having the meltdown.
Also he seems to be quite grumpy a lot of the time, screaming or crying unless I am with him 24 7, or someone is playing with him all the time, ie if you go away to do the dishes or something he'll get really upset. Just clingy?
He almost seems in pain, and he has been getting 2 teeth so I have chalked it down to that but the screaming/crying has been going on a few weeks now.
He also squeals if you don't pay him enough attention or just screams/squeals at random in public places... normal? People look at you funny when it happens and at a cafe yesterday I overheard a Mum say "my son didn't go through that awful squealing stage!". Bitchy much? lol
In all other ways he is a lovely child, full of personality, very funny and content, just having issues with these things.
As I write this I feel like it is probably all normal toddler behaviour but any tips to deal with it would be awesome :)
Edited by wiggly_jiggly
|
Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 
|
 |
|
Sponsored Links
|
|
|
pudgy
Senior Member
Joined: 16 December 2010
Points: 520
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 25 November 2011 at 12:32pm |
|
All normal I'm afraid.
Do you have an old remote that can be his? ds was the same with our remote/phone/mobile. We gave him an old one of each that he could play with and it helped a lot.
As for the squealing, ds does an amazing dying seagull impersonation. I have learned to live with it. Most of the time we just go outside and he can squeal as much as he wants.
When you needto do something, dishes etc, can you include him ? Give hima bowl a d spoon to play with or aclth to wipe with? He may feel more included and less likely cry.
What I've trying to do lately is say yes more. So for squealing instead saying no or trying to stop them, say okay let's go outside and squeal. Or if they're throwing stuff inside , let's go outside and throw a ball etc etc.
When I remember to do it , it works realy well
Also there is a book called Raising your Spirited Child I totally recommend it.
|
|
|
|
MamaT
Senior Member
Joined: 07 November 2008
Location: Nelson
Points: 3149
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 25 November 2011 at 1:45pm |
|
Yup I agree with what Pudgy has said. DS is the same and has been for a long time now.
Personally, I'm of the opinion that unless he is going to hurt himself or damage something I'll let him play with it, so things like remotes, phones etc I'm quite happy for him to play with, I would rather that than continuously saying no. We tried the phone/remote etc of his own, but it lasted 5mins before he realised it wasn't the right one.
Haha the squeeling thing is funny, DS used to squeel to get people's attention when we were out an about and would then squeel louder when they noticed him, we actually got asked to leave the hospital once because of his excessive noise, he grew out of it, and now only does it when he's excited. It's all just part of his personality and if people get annoyed or have a problem with it, that is there problem, not yours
|
|
|
|
Shelt
Senior Member
Joined: 17 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
Points: 1181
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 27 November 2011 at 8:33pm |
|
DD was also a squealer. She's much better now but for a while I thought she was going to damage my hearing she was so loud.
For her the terrible 2's started very very early (14/15 months I think), and DD still does a rather impressive tantrum from time to time. One thing I did early on was decide what was acceptable and where I was going to draw the line. I read something about not sweating the small stuff (and saying yes more often) coz for ages it just felt like I said no all the time. So I worked out what the big things were - for me it was no touching the TV or my phone or the camera, no going into the bathroom without me, then I put some stuff away so I wasn't continually having to say no, gave her an old phone to play with when I am using mine and tried to involve her as much as possible in what I am doing. So she wipes stuff with a cloth when i am cleaning, is allowed to open the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen etc. I got her a stool to stand on in the kitchen so she can see what I'm doing when I'm cooking.
Hope some of that helps.
|
|
|
|
RubySoho
Senior Member
Joined: 13 November 2009
Points: 269
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 December 2011 at 8:08pm |
|
There's a really great book called Love and Logic Magic in Early Childhood. I think it's by Charles and Jim Fay. It has amazingly great, simple, logical and frustration free ways of "disciplining" your child. We started using the techniques when DS turned a year old and it has and still does work wonderfully for us.
I totally agree with the previous ladies about picking your battles. For us, the TV is off limits but phone, remotes, DVDs, Freeview box, Wii etc are all okay. I sat with him a few times and showed him how to be gentle with them so I know he's not going to break them. I supervise him from a distance while he's exploring them and now, because he's got them figured out he's pretty much given up paying them attention.
I also ignore DS completely if he has a tantrum for a stupid reason. If it's legit like he's overtired or hungry etc then I'll comfort him and help him through it but the odd time he'll throw a paddy because he can't have something. That gets ignored completely and now he gives up very quickly, within about 5 - 10 seconds. As soon as he stops I give him lots of positive attention and get him involved in a toy / activity / book etc.
|
|
|
|
snugglebug
Senior Member
Joined: 24 June 2009
Location: North Shore
Points: 2146
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 04 December 2011 at 9:33pm |
|
Hehe yeah the fake remote and phone have been tried but he will not be fooled, lol
Thaks for the advice about picking your battles, I like that way of thinking. I have made a rule with DH now that if he gets hold of something we don't want him to have like a remote or phone, and it was our fault because we left it in reach, we have to let him have it until he gets bored of it, then remove it when he's not looking lol saves unnecessary tantrums and meltdowns. We have also got a new TV cabinet that allows us to put the sky decoder and playstation up high so no more battles over that. Our living room is pretty much completely babyproof so that helps.
The other thing he loves is keys! lol But you can not give him fake keys either lol so once again if he gets them, you have to let him bore of it. Seems to be helping because if you take them away he gets incredibly upset and I don't see how it's worth it letting that happen.
I think he's also been squealing because he's bored so I've been trying to take him out or at least take him outside to play more, that seems to help as when he's busy he has no time to scream.
I think at the end of the day also you're right, he's 'spirited' lol and this is part of his personality and I just have to work with it as best I can. I think the fact Im surrounded by seemilgly placid easy babies doesn't help my perception hehe but I was reading the first part of Christopher Green's toddler taming book last night which said that often their personalities can be predicted from birth- he was not an easy placid baby he was a very noisy screaming agitated (but wonderful and lovely) baby so I guess I can't expect a quiet placid toddler lol
Thanks for all the good advice I appreciate it
|
Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7
|
|
Shelt
Senior Member
Joined: 17 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
Points: 1181
|
Post Options
Thanks(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 05 December 2011 at 8:18pm |
 wiggly_jiggly wrote:
I think at the end of the day also you're right, he's 'spirited' lol and this is part of his personality and I just have to work with it as best I can. I think the fact Im surrounded by seemilgly placid easy babies doesn't help my perception hehe but I was reading the first part of Christopher Green's toddler taming book last night which said that often their personalities can be predicted from birth- he was not an easy placid baby he was a very noisy screaming agitated (but wonderful and lovely) baby so I guess I can't expect a quiet placid toddler lol
|
Yeah I know the feeling wigglyjiggly! Gabrielle has always been a lot more sprited/strong willed/stubborn that most of my friends kids and we have sure had some spectacular meltdowns! I just tell myself that my kid must surely be going to be a wonderful teenager coz she is getting it all out of her system now! And yeah, Gabrielle was a noisy nosy non sleeping spirited baby too 
Glad you have found some things that work for you.
|
|
|
|
Screaming/meltdowns
