Tantrums at 18mo

Jackson has been able to say ta for a few months now. He will say Ta when we say "what do you say?" and when we say "Say Ta".

Today he wanted something, but wouldn't say ta after any prompts. I wouldn't give him the item and he threw a massive wobbly. It's been going on now for 40 minutes.

Am I wrong to stand my ground at this young age? He's not going to say it, there's no chance now, but he still really wants the item. The crying is upsetting me and I am not sure what to do. There's been lots of cuddles etc, but I really don't feel I should give him what he wants (it's a small cracker, by the way).

I feel terrible and don't know if he understands. It seems really unfair as he is quite distraught.

Help!

NOW it lets me on!!!! I fb'ed you but I'll post it here as well anyways.

Hollie threw the first real tantrum about a month ago, it was over not being allowed to push buttons on our dishwasher (it doesn't have a lock function.)
I tried to comfort her but she wouldn't let me. After an hour and a half I called DH home, who thankfully works next door. Nothing he could do would help either.
In the end I sat with one of her books on the couch. Eventually she came and sat next to me, still screaming. Slowly she started settling and I started drawing on her back. Two hours after it all began she was asleep on my leg, no sh*tting on the two hours!
Anyways I went to my mother in law (owns an early childhood centre) who convinced me that some kids just start the tantrum throwing at a younger age, and it lessens the pain of the terrible twos! Apparently, we are still supposed to ignore them, they'll come to us when they are ready.
Anyways, rather tired and blubbering on, dunno if this helps much, good luck!

Jimmy and I have a battle of wills over the word "sorry".  Boy is he stubborn, and just won't say it!!  And although I try not to let it get to me, it usually does .  Oddly enough, he will often come up to me much later, eg 30 mins to an hour later, and say "sorry Mummy" in a heartmelting way, so I always feel guilty about trying to force him to say it earlier .

I went to a parenting seminar a while ago where they discussed use of "please/thank you/sorry" etc.  According to the presenter, you shouldn't expect your child to truly comprehend the meaning of these words until around age three.  But she said there's nothing wrong with encouraging their use earlier - if nothing else it's good practice for parents .  But I guess what she was trying to say was, because toddlers under age 3 are mainly using the emotional part of their brain rather than the rational part, that it isn't worth having a battle of wills over the use of these words.  That doesn't mean giving in to all their demands, just using distraction etc more - to quickly get their mind off whatever they were fixated on wanting.  So with the cracker example, you could offer him a choice from two other foods you were happy with him eating instead - if you thought he was genuinely hungry - or if not hungry, just move him to another room to play with a toy, something like that. 

The seminar was really interesting by the way - helped me to understand what to expect and tips for managing behaviour at different ages.  They do free/low cost presentations all over NZ - check out the brainwave trust website (look at the calender to find upcoming local events) if it sounds like your cup of tea.

That's ok Emmecat! Jackson used to do that about that age too, but it never really eventuated into massive tantrums. Even now, he is *usually* easily distracted.

I talked about the issue with hubby and we decided we wouldn't make him say ta for a while. We will still say ta when doing things with him and heap praise on him when he does say it... I guess once he can be reasoned with we can start enforcing it.

Interestingly, after he calmed down he saw me eating a piece of chocolate, and he certainly remembered how to say ta then!