Bully girl!

My daugher is a bully!

To the kitten, to her brothers, to strangers even!

Last week i saw her go up to a strange boy and hit him, while he was sitting on his mums knee! Today a girl was in her way at playgroup and she slapped her. She bit Toby the other week, really hard too.

And as for the poor kitten! she picks it up by the neck, carries it around by the tail or a leg and i have seen her throw it on the ground too!

I am mortified! Neither of the boys were like this and no matter what i do she wont leave the poor kitten alone, and she does know how to do gentle patting and will when i say gently patting only... but then picks it up by the neck five seconds later. i say NO and she runs away, while holding onto the kitten. i am really worried she is going to kill the poor wee thing!

Oh and i got the "look" at music the other day by some of the other mums.. You know the "keep your bully child away from mine" look!

*sigh* never thought it would be the girl who was a bully!

Just wanted to say I know what it's like when you feel like your sweet child is a bully.... but be rest assured it is normal and it is a stage, and is no reflection on what they are like as a person or on your parenting.

I found that Harry's behaviour was/is worse when
- he's hungry
- he's tired
- he's wanting to interact but the other kid isn't (if they ignore him)
- he's playing with a toy and another kid takes it off him

So I try to make sure he has good sleeps, is full up on food and drink, and I watch him closely to intervene if he's rough. "Don't push if he tries to take the toy off you, just say NO and walk away, then you can give him a turn soon"... "she doesn't want to play right now, that's ok, you go and find someone else to play with"... and many a time "gentle hands Harry". He's generally pretty good (soooo much better than he was) but now just normal toddler behaviour. The other thing I do is always make him say sorry when he hurts someone - he can't say the word yet, so strokes them gently or kisses them. I talk seriously about how she's crying because Harry pushed her over and she didn't like it, poor girl, Harry needs to be more gentle.

The kitten thing.......... that's why we're not getting a dog any time soon! Harry's is more cos he loves animals so much he's unintentionally rough sometimes. This is why we're getting rabbits, so they can be locked away safely in a cage until I can supervise Harry with them lol.

I don't know how you feel about time out, but every time Eden is even remotely rough with the kitten, I'd be inclined to scoop her up and take her to her room "you are too rough with the kitten, you need to be gentle". She'll soon get the message.

Just have to say - at 18 months they're still babies, that's when Harry did a lot of his biting. He'd sometimes cuddle and then randomly bite. It didn't mean that he was a horrid child, just that he was going through a stage - and as his mum, it was me who was holding back the tears (while dealing with him of course). I'd be mortified and so upset if anyone ever thought, let alone said, that he was a horrid child

Arohanui - I have never thought that Harry was a horrid child , and I am sure that no-one else that has met him has ever thought that. He is a normal, happy, sparkly little boy - and lots of (in fact most) toddlers go through a stage of being rough and biting.

I am sure that Eden is the same, its just a stage that they seem to go through. Oli is a lot better now, but used to be quite rough and hit other kids, but mainly like Arohanui said it was when he was tired, hungry, not wanting to share etc. He used to be really rough with our cat too, but we have made a sticker chart and he gets a star if he is "gentle with Henry". Eden is still a bit young for that though, so prob just seperating her and the kitten might be the best and keep reinforcing the gentle hands. We dont tolerate hitting (especially randomly hitting other kids) and we always tell him in a very firm voice that its not acceptable and make him apologise. Its hard because one of his little "friends" is very rough with him (and always has been a lot bigger than him) so he thinks its kind of normal to get the bash, so he started doing it to other kids. Luckily (since starting preschool) he has learnt that isnt normal. Does Eden see her brothers playing rough n tumble a lot? Maybe she is copying their "play"?

I know its prob not a help, but lots of us have been through it. Hang in there - one day you will wake up and you wont even remember that she used to do it!