Sister struggling with TTC and my pregna

I have had this happen to me twice now. DH and I had been trying for a baby for 4+ years when one of my sisters got pregnant as a result of being stupid and I didn't handle it well at all. I was the first to know (she told me face to face)and have to say I was pretty good during her pregnancy but did avoid seeing them when baby came along. (A few years later we had our first got pregnant the month before we were due to start IVF) Then just recently we went back to FA and were told more bad news and then a week later my sister told me she was pregnant with no 2 as a total freak thing as I had guessed due to a conversation being had at my parents house while I was there for lunch and I think face to face was better (I was totally gutted she had waited 3 months to tell me and that others knew before me etc etc). I would just tell her on Skype she can see your face see your concern etc rather than an email which you can't put your emotion across through (IYKWIM). I broke down as did my sister and I think it was the best way it could happen rather that than being told and then left to wallow we had a nice lunch a nice chat and all got on with it. She now has a gorgeous wee boy and amazingly I have beaten the odds again (which were even worse this time round) and will be welcoming another little one into our family any time now. I am sure she would love to hear it from you rather than read and if need be you can always just get of Skype and then ring back later after she has had time to digest the news.

All the best

That's such a hard one - Sally's website has some good advice.

When we got pregnant with No 2 we didn't know that my husband's brother and his wife had been trying to get pregnant for a year. They hadn't told anyone (presumably so people wouldn't constantly ask them how it was going which is totally understandable). When we told them we were pregnant they asked us how long we'd been trying which we thought was a natural enough question and told them - We seem to be really lucky/fertile and got pregnant the first month we tried (same as with No 1). About three months later they told us they were also pregnant and had been trying for ages - it must have been such a slap in the face when we got pregnant so easily and I feel bad about it now. We weren't to know but I can't help feeling guilty.

At the end of the day, no one will ever begrudge you for being pregnant. The fact is that some couples find it easier to get pregnant than others. Of course it will be difficult news for her to take but she'll get over it.

I agree with either skyping or a brief e-mail telling her the news, that you know it might be hard for her and suggesting she call you when she's ready. The main thing is to be sympathetic and let her know you understand this might be upsetting rather than being full of glee.

Good luck!

I havent got any experience or advice to add but just wanted to say....

Congrats Caro!!!

I think the fact that you acknowledge that it's not going to be all good news and happiness is the biggest part. From the days when we were facing fertility issues, I would prefer an email, so that I had a chance to get my feelings together and not be embarrassed about my reaction. I know most people prefer the respect of being told face-to-face, so I've tried to let others know that way about our babies if I can, but I thought I'd say that since email's your only option (hopefully she's like me and prefers it).

I think my main advice will be DON'T COMPLAIN. I mean, not that you should put on a face and pretend being pregnant is all roses either - if someone asks if I'm feeling uncomfortable I'll happily say I have cankles for Africa and I can't remember when I got more than an hours sleep at a time, in a happy kind of way - but even with 1 and 9/10 of a baby of my own, I feel like slapping people who seem to begrudge being pregnant and do nothing but complain about it. I think she'll probably appreciate it if you don't overemphasise how miserable you are round her (and hopefully you have an awesome pregnancy and never have any need to!)

COngrats Caro!
I would agree with hopes, I had 4 back to back m/cs and in that time both my SIL's had babies, and while I was stoked for them, everytime they complained about nausea, or being so big or just pregnancy in general I just wanted to scream @ them.
But I guess being your sister it will be a diff situation, all the best, and hope everything goes well for you

Yeah, I seemed to have a run of people getting pregnant and I was glad that because I lived far away, I was told via email so I could process it in my own time, ie have a bawl, have a sulk then email back with my congratulations....

Good luck, I am sure with a caring sister like you she will be fine

Hey there,
I'm with Hopes, email is my preferred way of hearing the news. TTC for 7+ years means I've been on the recieving end of sister, sister in law news on 5 occassions. The best was when my siter emailed me (I was in the UK at the time too) and acknowledged that I might find it hard and gave me space to reply as I wanted. To be honest it is easier to fake a happy response in an email while you process it that it is on skype! I wouldnt have been able to hide my feelings and never thought that was fair on the person with the good news.

The worst was my sister in law who never told us, DH's mum told DH then he kept it from me for about a week, took me days to get over the deception more than anything.

To be fair it's the surprise ones that got me more. I would say that your sister has probably thought about you getting pregnant before now and is 'prepared' for it as much as she can be. I had always assumed that my sister in law, younger than us, would have got married first, just an assumption I made which meant the news was a shock whereas my sister who got married, already had a child wasnt so much of a surprise.

OK sorry about the novel, I suggest email, acknowledge thier struggle but still put it forward as good news that you are excited about, if it was an accident, dont tell her! Then be prepared for a response that might not meet you expectations and give her space.

The fact that you are even consiering how to tell her tells me you'll be fine. Good luck and congrats on your prenancy!

I emailed in the end, just under a week ago. I had a text message back but nothing else so far. I am just giving her space but I know through the grapevine (i.e my mum!) that she was quite upset but also pleased for us. I think when we do speak I will try and be led by her and not talk about the pregnancy too much. At least I am far away so she doesn't have to watch the pregnancy unfold in front of her.

Thanks for all your advice