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Sara183125 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 10 May 2015 at 9:43pm
My youngest son is 5yrs old. With all my children, I have severe post natal depression (due to hormonal imbalance), my last birth being the worst. I was mentally unstable (hospitalised) and un able to care for my children for some months and emotionally unavailable to them for the most part of 3 yrs. All this despite a team of medical professionals trying all they could to get me well. I asked for a tubal ligation and even though I was only 34 it was granted for medical reasons.

The reason for this post is that my sterilisation has failed and I'm pregnant to the man I love but whom I can't be with (he is not in a relationship or married). He is almost infertile so this in some way is a miracle. I am pro choice but as for me personally, I never wanted to have to have an abortion, that is why I asked for the tubal ligation In the first place.

I am a single Mum with physical health issues that are undiagnosed at present but which leaves me fatigued for about a month, twice a year. I'm on the invalids benefit after having to resign from work due to illness. My sons are 15, 13 and 5. I separated from their father 3yrs ago. My youngest was born with hypertonia which required conductive therapy for the first year of his life and now other challenges for him have been found by his teacher which requires extra support for him.

Everything, everything is telling me to terminate this pregnancy, even if only for my kids but my heart is breaking. With each of my pregnancies, I fell in love with the baby from the moment the test showed positive. This one took a few days due to shock but the love is there.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can go through the procedure, I think I'll freeze at the time. This is the hardest decision of my life and I'd appreciate some advice, I don't know what to do.
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LuckyJade View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LuckyJade Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2015 at 6:45am
Kia ora Sara,

I'm so sorry to hear of you having this terrible decision to make. I am also pro choice but I am sure like most people who are I would never want to terminate or have anyone else have to face that decision. I guess my only advice is to think of what the decision would/could mean for you and your children (I am sure this is what you have been doing anyway). Perhaps if possible you could see a councillor, I know the only person who can make this decision is you and no one can tell you what to do. But someone else can maybe get you to look at it more objectively? Another way of trying to think about it is try putting yourself outside of the decision and imagine it is your best friend in this situation, what would you tell them to do?
Kia kaha Sara, I wish you all the best
MMC April 2015
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Justin Reach View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Justin Reach Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2015 at 8:29am
LuckyJade, I very much like the advice you have given Sara.

I would like to share something on here with you too Sara.
On OhBaby there is no judgmental words, or thoughts between the lines. I think to have posted your story tells me and others who read your words that you are such a strong, brave lady who has many complex layers to your life.

You sound like the most amazing Mum, being the very best you can for your family.


The other part of this post is to share what happened to my bigger sister.
She had problems similar to yours. Her depression was increased 10fold when she had her bubbas.
My Darling Sister fell pregnant to her surprise while her marriage was rockey and her family and friends bulying her to terminate, thinking it was in my sister's best interest. Yes, it was her decision at the end of the day.

Over the years no one realised that her decision to terminate was eating away at her, until she took her own life. :(
Please, don't let anyone make this decision for you.
We are all unique and individual and this is big stuff you are working out.

Take care lovely lady.




Edited by Justin Reach - 11 May 2015 at 8:34am
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_Soda_ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _Soda_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 May 2015 at 2:21pm
Hugs hun, only you know what is right. BUT- from reading your original post, you say your reason to terminate is for your kids, yet your heart is already breaking... If you are left broken hearted and regretting this for the rest of your life, is that good for your kids either? Its certainly not going to help your mental health.. having this baby might affect you mentally and physically too, but that can pass in time with support and help. you can get things in place NOW so you feel like you have things under control. Mental health teams can be there to assist you throughout.  If you terminate- ( again, your choice no judgement here! ) you will probably still need that mental, emotional and physical support as you deal with everything.. and it might be even harder to deal with.  Could you consider adoption? another very hard decision but its giving someone else a chance to be a parent and give your wee miracle a chance too? there are always options, and support. its not going to be easy either way i suppose but you have to decide what it is you will be able to cope with the most. HUGS! xxxxx
My little miracle 6/1/2011
My angel in Heaven 9/5/14
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Emu View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Emu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 May 2015 at 8:31pm
I'm so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. I agree with what the others have said too.

One more thing and I hope that this does not offend and I know that you may not feel the same as me but as a fellow three boy Mum, what if this is your daughter?! If you had ever hoped for one, there is a good chance that you could finally be getting her to complete your perfect family. I don't know if you believe in swaying for a certain gender as it is not proven but it makes enough sense for me to believe it and all you have said about the conception strongly sways to make a girl more likely.

I'm sorry if this was inappropriate to add but I hope if it ever crossed your mind but you didn't want to mention it here it has helped

Big hugs to you xo
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