End of my tether re TT

Toby is driving me nuts.

I just dont get it, its been nearly a year i swear. The kid just chooses to not go to the toilet and soils himself instead. Doesnt matter if it is undies or nappies, he will wet himself and take them off rather than go to the toilet...

things i have tried:

stickers, stamps, rewards (both lolly and toy), reminding him, bribing him, threatening him, getting him to clean up after himself ... i have been the most patient person ever (in my life that is) and just shrugged it off and not given him emotional rewards for it but eventually my patience wears thin and i snap.

its driving me nuts and i dont know what to do next.

Man, that is really tough on you Deb.
It sounds like you've tried all the obvious incentives and they haven't stuck, I'd be at a loss too!
The only other things I can think of are #1 getting your DH and Gabriel on board and asking them to model and encourage toileting for him.
When DH or Gabriel need to go, get them to ask Toby to come too and have a try after they've been (and he's seen them do it). even though he is already aware that the toilet is the place you're supposed to do it, maybe seeing the 2 biggest role models in his life doing it and getting him involved will motivate him to be a big boy like them?
#2 A visit to your GP to check that there is nothing physically holding him back or interfering with his getting to the loo on time.

Good luck chicky, it is SO hard to stay patient and calm and you're a legend for hanging in there this long.

Deb - Pull ups dont work with us.

Zaara is in undies at day care and on the weekends at home. She is doing well in them as far as Wee's are concerned. The other day we were at the docs and she told me 2 times that she needs to wee...and did it when taken.

My problem is I cant make her do Poo's in the potty/toilet. She stands in a corner (I quickly change her into nappy) and tells me to go away and only comes out after she has done it. I need help as too what to do?

Background History - Z had bad consitapation problem and had tears in her bum and it use to hurt and now she learned to hold her poos...or let it go but not on the toilet. Z is 2yr 7 months

Sorry didnt mean to TJ - but I need help as well with the Poo dept.

Roskana, Michaela had an anal fissure too and became anal retentive for several months.  She lived on lactulose, prune juice and kiwicrush which did the trick - though not much help with the TTing.

 

Bizzy, I wish I had some wonderful advice to give but Michaela - who started out so well and was basically fully potty trained by 2 weeks - is now doing the exact same thing.  The only way we can get her to go to the potty or toilet is if she's having a pants free day or (oddly enough) if we're out. 

 

One thing we have found is pull ups made her worse, it's like they confused her into thinking it's ok to go in her underpants.

 

I'll be watching this thread closely for advice too.

Sorry to hear about Toby.

My advice will be to either put him in underpants and just leave it. If he does it in there clean up afterwards but dont threaten or anything. Just be matter of fact about it. Then when he does go by himself make a huge deal about it. Praise him ect. When daddy comes home tell Daddy and let him make a big deal about it.

Second method is put him back in nappies. totally back in nappies. He isnt 3 yet and some boys definately aint ready by then. The more you try the more he will resist. I had a friend that had the same problem. She put her boy back in nappies for 6 months. Took all the big boy underpants away ect and didnt say or do anything. 5 months afterwards she started talking about what a big boy he is ect and that it would be great if he would go to the toilet ect. Just talk it up how great it will be ect. Then a month afterwards ask him if he would like to have underpants but then he will have to keep them dry ect. Make him part of that decision.

If he is ready he will go for it. Trust me he wont still be in nappies off to school. And if you go with a method stick to it. Like if you do the start chart stick with it and dont go over to threats ect. (I know sometimes more difficult ect but it just confuses them.) If you do a sweet afterwards or a toy then be consistent.

Roksana with the poo thing. McKayla refuses to go in the toilet for them. Some kids will wee first, others will poo first. With her I found it is a posture problem. She has done it a few times in the potty by accident or the toilet but hasnt clicked yet. She doesnt seem to be able to sit and poo but stands. So she wait until her nighttime nappy and then poo in it.

I am just leaving it for now and will wait until she is 3 and then use the mothed Deb has said. But right now I just want her totally confident in her wee's part.

Zaara doesnt have consitip[ation any more and like MrsMojo my poor baby was on Loctulose, Kiwi fruit, prunes, prune juice etc for the longest time...its come right now but I think she still thinks that it will hurt when she poos....and so she holds it in. And in turn it makes it hard...and so the cycle goes on......

She does run to the toilet at times closes the door and tells me to go away...while she poos...other days she finds the most remote corner and stands there.....I dont know!!

I tried bribing her with Chocolate if she did poos in toilet yesterday...but that didnt work. She told me poo is stuck. However an hour later she did poos and it was soft??

I am trying to not fuss about it...but she will be 3 at the end of Oct and she is still not PT....I feel like a failure!!

Thanks Deb....I was telling her just push baby and it will come out...but no "its stuck mumma"...I felt like crying...I just feel bad for her. Even tho after she has done poos in her nappy ...I sau you have done poos baby? she shows me that she pushed and it came out. But Obviously not pushing while on toilet.

Oh well thanks for the advice guys...I will keep trying!

Bizzy I'm in exactly the same boat. My DS2 decided at 21 months to start toilet training. I thought it was too young but he did really well and picked up on it almost immediately. We never mix nappies and undies, you're either in undies all the time TTing(excluding bed of course) or in nappies and not. He was at a stage of taking himself to the toilet and having accident free days more often than not (both 1's and 2's). But after a few months the novelty wore off and he would rather simply wet himself then change than go to the toilet of his own accord. He will go if I take him and sit him on it and will sometimes go if I tell him it's time but more often he'll go up there, look at the toilet then piddle in his pants right in front of it...Arrgh!!

So I'll be watching this tread carefully for ideas, but you're certainly not alone.

Oh yeah, I'm not prepared to go back to nappies as for one it's too expensive and two he hates being wet and changes them immediately anyway so what a waste.