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JaneW
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Joined: 31 January 2009
Location: Bay of Plenty
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Topic: Feeling very confused... Posted: 21 July 2010 at 6:35pm |
Hi,
I have posted on this board before but not for a wee while, my DH and I have been on a waiting list for ICSI, which we are doing in December this year. We have been ttc since Feb 09 and found out last year that Dh has a sperm count of around 2 million and about 8% motility.
I feel okay with doing ICSI and DH and I have coped really well with everything so far but as it's getting closer to December I'm suddenly having an attack of the 'what ifs' and thinking what if we just try harder, and maybe my stress and workload is contributing to us not concieving naturally. I know that we are dealing with MFI but I keep hearing of these success stories that people have with low sperm counts and thinking maybe if we just waited a little longer we could do it on our own....but then what if we are still ttc in 10 years with no luck?
Sorry I know this is a jumble and hard to understand what I'm really saying(hence the title 'confused' lol) but I guess I'm finding it hard to deal with the medical diagnosis from the Fertility specialists, and then all of the conflicting advice and 'cures' offered from natural therapists, as well as the miracle stories from other people in a similar situation.
Has anyone else had similar feelings and confusion before their first round of Fertility treatment?I know I should be excited that we will finally be able to do something but all of these feelings have suddenly hit me in the past few days and I'm just struggling with it all of a sudden.
Helps to have written it all down anyway!
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Hope1
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Joined: 12 July 2009
Location: Hamilton
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Posted: 21 July 2010 at 7:56pm |
Hi JaneW- it is a really hard road, but its worth it. I say if your on the list just give it a go but also keep trying naturally and do all the healthy lifestyle things too.
You want a baby so, maybe don't get too stressed out about how you get it? IVF or natural- its all you and your DH.
I guess it depends on how long you have been TTC and how old you are.
What are you most afraid of with IVF? Maybe I can give you some advice?
We are about to have out 4th go and I think its worth it, as hard as it can be at times. Ours is MFI too and this will be our second go with a donor as my DH has antibodies and DNA frag after reversal. Also maybe if you're young you are better of f giving it a go now as the odds decrease the older you get.
I dunno- but am hear if you need an ear.
x
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IVF #1 May 09- BFP then missed miscarriage at 8 weeks
TER Oct 09 BFN
IVF#2 Dec 09 BFN (1 emby only)
IVF #3 Donor- June 10 BFN (1 emby only!)
IVF #4 Donor- Nov 26th- 2 embies on board!
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JaneW
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Location: Bay of Plenty
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Posted: 21 July 2010 at 8:29pm |
thanks Hope...
I'm 27 and DH 28, I feel a little silly about my post but I think it's just the whole unknown thing that comes with infertility, and wanting to know if we are going down the right path...I think I'm just having a moment though and wanted to see if I'm being silly or if others have had these little meltdowns about impending IVF or other treatments.
I think if we waited and I didn't get pregnant then I would regret not going for it....I think I'm just nervous about the whole thing but we have our pre- IVF appointment in September so maybe that will help.
Good luck with your next round Hope, will keep fingers crossed for you!
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hoping
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Posted: 21 July 2010 at 8:36pm |
Hey JaneW - totally understand how you are feeling!! We have just started our first round of IVF with ICSI - my hubby is very similar to yours on the infertility front. He is currently trying some natural stuff - and he's been to an oesteopath. I also contemplated putting IVF off for a little while as we are doing it private so we can choose when we do it (have to wait another 2 yrs before we qualify for public funding). Then I decided that if we got 6 months down the track and nothing had changed and we then had to start the process of IVF I would be gutted that we had wasted so much time. But if things do change for hubby then hopefully it will be a natural conception next time round, but right now I want a baby and am not prepared to wait and see what if.....
Don't know if that helps but is my story so thought I would share it with you
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Caronz
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Posted: 21 July 2010 at 8:45pm |
Hey, what your feeling is totally normal, I remember having many a melt down about many a thing before we did ICIS. I think for me I found it really hard that the Dr's were saying that there was something wrong with DF but I had to go through all the medical stuff! That just doesnt seam right does it?!?!
In the end I decided that it was better just to get on with it and give it a go, life is full of so many "what if's" that I didnt need to add another one to the list. ICIS really wasnt as bad as I thought it was going to be and even though it didnt work for us (sorry to say) we are both so pleased that we did it when we did. If we hadnt, we wouldnt be where we are now. Talk to the counselors at the clinic, they are great at putting your mind at rest, and Im not one for seaking that kind of help normally.
Good luck and fingers crossed for you.
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JaneW
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Posted: 22 July 2010 at 7:37am |
Thanks Hoping and Caro, it does help hearing what you guys have to say-
Hoping I think my gut feeling is that I don't want to wait and see 'what if' either, I guess we have 5 more months anyway, that's funny I have heard a few snippets of info recently about osteopaths being able to help with MFI, we have just done the menevit thing and DH is pretty healthy anyway but his numbers haven't really changed. Good luck with your first ICSI!
Caro, thanks for that, I do want to see one of the counsellors so hopefully I can arrange it at our next appointment, so sorry to hear it didn't work out for you but sounds like it was a stepping stone to your next plan of action? Good luck to you too :)
Oh and I think this will probably be one of my many meltdowns too, it's quite hard when you're dealing with MFI too as I don't feel like I can cry/freakout in front of my DH as I don't want to make him feel bad!
So it has definitely helped by posting on here and I'm obviously not alone in my ups and downs-just freaked me out a little that all of these feelings suddenly hit me, after months of being okay about everything.
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hoping
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Posted: 22 July 2010 at 12:02pm |
You are definitely not alone with any of that!! I feel the same way about having to be careful what I say around hubby, but feel hard done by in some ways that it's me that has to do everything!! He feels really bad about it and I understand that so am very careful in expressing my emotions fully around him at the mo!! He was on menevit too, it improves those that are there but it doesn't acutally improve numbers.
I would be interested to see if his numbers have now changed that it has been a few months since seeing the osteopath - there was no change a month later but more time may have done something. He's really lucky to have gotten into a really good naturopath so will be interesting to see if his remedies have done anything too - first test gets sent away next week.
It's a little different for me in that I am really blessed to have a 3yr old daughter who we concieved instantly!! So this has been really hard to come to terms with - but on the other hand I feel quite positive that because I know I can carry good as gold (no worries at all in my pregnancy) that surely this should work as I know I can carry.....but then I don't want to get my hopes up too high either.
Go with your gut feeling.....as you say you have 5 months to see if anything will happen anyway....and it is so hard to put a timeframe on how much longer you could wait....if you waited 3 more months and got to the end of that do you give it 1 more.....that's how I looked at it anyway, and in the meantime if hubby is able to get the low count corrected we can try naturally next time round is my thinking
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JaneW
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 9:15am |
I had my first acu session yesterday and had quite a big chat to her about it all so feeling quite good now, she suggested DH come in for a session sooner rather than later but I was pleased that she didn't cause any confusion by saying that the FS is wrong and we can concieve naturally etc etc, she said that DH could have a blockage in his kidneys that they could help clear and whether we concieve naturally or with treatment then it will still be beneficial either way. I thought i would have to work on convincing DH but he was all for it and phoning up to make an appointment today....so for now I'm feeling pretty good about everything again. I think in 3 months time he will go and do another SA and see if there has been any difference, and if there's no drastic improvement then I will feel quite good about then moving on to treatment-if there has been a huge change then I guess we will look at that when we come to it!
Hoping, I hope that the osteo has made a difference for your DH, fingers crossed for good test results!
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rosiefarmer
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 10:54am |
Hey JaneW - going to put my 2 cents worth in. I am 38yrs old and been TTC for 14 yrs, just finished my 1st cycle IVF with ICIS with a BFN. Go for your life and get things done as soon as you can.
It doesnt get any easier the older you get. The younger you are the more chance you have of possibly getting a 2nd baby.
My DH has very low sperm count and we have got some frozen semen at clinic as he had to be put onto drugs that dont help with his mobility, but he has been on menivate and his count did go up while on it.
We just waiting now for FET in a couple of months, but doing lots of bonding in the hopes that we might get lucky.
My DH was real funny about bonding while I was doing IVF he was worried about hurting me LOL had a wee giggle at him and told him if I got a BFP he was going to have a loooong 9 months.
All the best with your journey and wish you the best of luck.
My friend did a cycle of IVF with a BFN and she got pregnant the next month naturally  - Her DH was also taking menivate.
There is always some hope out there.
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hoping
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Posted: 23 July 2010 at 6:15pm |
Rosiefarmer it's so good to hear of someone with a positive result from being on menevit!! Our FA doc told us it only increased health of what's there and not numbers, and unfortunately in our case the numbers haven't changed but he's still taking it just incase!! And I so agree with you that there is always some hope out there.....I have heard some unreal and amazing stories since being on this journey about people becoming pregnant when all odds looked stacked agains them etc!! Just got to keep positive is my motto  And Jane I so agree with Rosiefarmer - just go for it and get things dones as soon as you can. Best of luck to all
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JaneW
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Posted: 24 July 2010 at 2:25pm |
Thanks for sharing Rosiefarmer, and sorry to hear of your BFN- I will keep fingers crossed that the next one is a success for you :)
I'll be interested to see if the 8 months of menevit have made a difference for us yet so will get DH to do another SA in a few months! xx
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rachb
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Posted: 08 August 2010 at 8:43pm |
JaneW - I think we are in a similar situation to you and of a similar age, I think that we have 5% motility. We have had our first inital appt at FA and DF started taking menevit after that. We have also tried to cut out caffeine and alcohol as well.
I have made an appointment in early sept for DF to go back and get another SA done and also get some frozen for when we have our IVF/ICSI in Feb 2012.
Did you find the acu very helpful?
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JaneW
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Posted: 08 August 2010 at 10:57pm |
Hey Rach,
Dh has only had one acu session so far, but the acupuncturist seemed very confident that she would be able to help and also that we should be able to concieve on our own.... I know that sounds good but I'm struggling with the fact that the FS has told us we have a less than 5% chance of concieving on our own, and now someone is saying that we can!
We start ICSI in December so I guess we have 4 months for a miracle to occur...we think we will do another SA in November to see if the acu has made any difference so I'll post on here and let you know!
DH had a sample frozen a few months ago too but unfortunately they didn't actually analyse it for us as well as freezing...so we kept trying to ask them what the count, motility etc was as we wanted to see if the Menevit had made any difference but they basically just told us that the sample froze and thawed well and that was it! So just a word of advice...make sure you make it known that you would like to know the count etc of the sample!:)
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