QuoteReplyTopic: Argh...... Posted: 01 February 2009 at 8:02pm
I dont know if I need advice or just a place to vent....
I am starting to feel like I do not enjoy my daughter I feel like a terrible terrible mother.
She refuses to listen to me. Not because she is purposely trying to disobey me or be naughty, it appears she just truly believes in her mind that her way is the best way. When I tell her "no", she doesnt leave it at that, she will just keep going. A simple instruction like going to bed turns into a 30min drama.
I feel like I am saying no or correcting the things she is doing over and over ALL DAY. Sometimes by the end of the night (like tonight) I am on the brink of tears because I am just so frustrated with her. Its not as if she has done one thing that I can put her in time out for, its something that is happening all day, over and over. She would spend the whole day in there.
She is also not going poos in the toilet when she is playing with her friends. She has had the neighbourhood kids over most days and every day is the same, accident after accident.
She is constantly picking her brother up, telling him off, waking him up purposely by making noise on his door.
For instance, the other day she woke up and asked if she could go and get the cozy coupe from in the shed to bring in the house to put Jackson in it. I clearly explained to her that it was not a good idea and that Jackson still had to have breakfast and get dressed. 10 mins later the cozy coupe is inside. I tell her again that hes still got to have breakfast and perhaps after his morning nap we can look at bringing it back inside. Next thing she is actually taking him out of his highchair herself and trying to shove him in the side of the cozy coupe . I said to her "what did i say Janaya?" and she just looks at me blankly and shrugs her shoulders, and then tries to explain to me why he should be in there."He likes it though" she tells me. "But he is crawling to it look Mum"
I just dont know what to do with her anymore. Even DH has "given up" doing things with her because every time it ends in tears. My parents even said to me yesterday that her behaviour has changed.
I have taken her out a lot this holidays, and when we return home she always "starts" with her attitude again, sitting on the couch with her arms folded, huffing and puffing and staring at me angrily
I think maybe it's because of the holidays & the lack of the structured day? Is she back at school today?
I was so looking forward to Alia starting back kindy last week. It is hard when you only have them for part of a day & then have to keep them occupied & inline for the whole day.
That attitude bit is what really makes me the most angry. When she sits there like that, I'd warn her to drop the attitude within a certain time or she's going into time out. Then anytime she starts with that attitude warn her & stick her in time out. Might be most of the day to start with!
my boy is doing that at 1.................. take toys away , use naughty area................you have probably already tried but had to put it in..............in one way its not a bad thing as when she hits teenage years she will know how to say no to people ................ why dont you spend one day a week with mummy daughter day................i know sometimes that is hard but that may be all she needs...............good luck
my sons 6 and he's takin to doing similar things, every instruction I give him I get a smart comment back or something. It's only me does it to not his Dad which drives me nuts!!!! I've started giving him a time out for answering back or when he gets angry and says he's done what I asked but actually hasn't. Hopefully this will work. I hate it when people say this but I really think it's a stage. I don't want to take him anywhere at the mo coz it ends up in a battle. So I sympathise with you..sorry for hijacking...I think getting tough might be the solution...when she gets something out after you say no she has a time out then puts it away? worth a try..yay for school tomorrow
Caitlyn is 6 and a half , she is generally a pretty good kid, in fact im pretty proud of her , sometimes tho , she does get a bit of an attitude,I just tell her calmly to change her attitude please , and she does.
C's big thing is she can be so bl**dy dramatic , seriously , the oscar goes to .....
But I just ignore it , I think they get to an age (eg 6) where they know they are expected to be "big kids" , 2nd year at school and all that, but in many ways they are still babies , it can be a confusing time for them
Once school goes back , Janaya might be a bit more settled , some children thrive with structure .
Could you and her do something just the 2 of you while DH watches Jackson ?
ooooh yes, Paris does that too. we have good days and bad, some days go back and forth a few million times.
Ie this evening, we had promised we'd go for a walk together as a family, so of course it takes forever to get them actually ready to go through all the fights over what they will be wearing, and why they can't just wear no sweaters, or short skirts etc. (ARGH!). we go out walking, along the way we have interesting talks some of the way, other times we have coniptions over whose holding whose hand, she doesn't want to hold dads hand, ayjas legs get tired, so we say that we'll turn down such and such a street to make the walk shorter... nope all she goes on about is wanting to go down the other street. ayja is being carried by this point and of course, now Paris wants to be carried. we turn down the shorter street upon which she starts with the "my legs are sore" constantly, when two seconds before she was asking us to go for a bigger walk. ARGH... frustration!!!!!
We sat down notl ong ago when things were getting bad... ie her behaviour was atrocious, she was having wet after wet at school, her little sister was starting to tantrum constantly so SHE could get attention too, and me and mike were starting to get to the point where we were snappy, unhappy, and grumpy 24/7. I didn't feel that there was any good happening... i welcomed going to work most days because i couldn't handle how home life was.
We sat down, got a large piece of cardboard... and had a family meeting, whereby we asked the girls to help us make rules.... which worked well.
We ended up with some very reasonable rules that apply to everyone in the house. They are on a large orange piece of cardboard and are stuck up underneath our breakfast bar for them to see at all times. - It works well in that others that come to our house know our family rules too.
We got:
1) Listen to others - don't talk over others
2)When someone asks you to do something - DO IT!!! (nicely - no stomping)
3) Bedtime is sleeptime - if you get up/call out without good reason you go to bed half an hour earlier the next night.
4) absolutely NO YELLING, no hitting, no hurting, no biting, ANYBODY! (including kittens) - any of this gets INSTANT time out without warning.
5) kittens can be played with but not at food time, bath time, getting dressed, or when we are trying to leave the house.
6) please don't wake our kittens, they need sleep to grow ***brought about because they were harrassing the kittens really badly all the time***
7) clean up after yourselves, plates away, toys, books clothes,
8) Use manners - ALWAYS...please :)
9) a RUDE ATTITUDE gets you nowhere. (rude words, nasty looks, sulking, stomping, tantrums will get you put in time-out STRAIGHT AWAY)
10) If you can't be nice - be quiet - teasing and put downs are not allowed EVER.
**Time out: 5 mins, starts when you are quiet.**
We have days where yep, it does feel like she gets put in time out a fair few times.. but they are becoming less and less, and we do remind each other of the rules.. the kids remind us not to yell, and we remind them about rules being a way to help everyone get along and be a helpful part of the family.
I am hoping that she is starting to turn a corner - like Kelly said. she loves to tease her sister. they give as good as they get though - the other day she apparently "slipped and accidently bit ayja" when she was giving her a kiss... 1) how can you "slip" and accidently bite someone 2)if she was kissing her sister, how'd the bite makr end up on her sister's chest, hard enough to cause bruising and break all the capilaries as if she'd pulled away with her teeth firmly clamped down. ah well, ayja got her back later that day, and oh how the world was ending then. yes both got time out, but I did make a point of reminding her that yes, she has already done that to her sister ealier, and far worse than what ayja had donw to her. in those few days they were scratching each other, pinching.... they also got themselves banned from using the breakfast bar for 5 days (which is where they usually have meals apart from dinner)... after being put up there for afternoon tea, ayja emptying her squirtee into a bowl.. ok. sure, but them they began being silly, ending with paris grabbing the bowl, then shoving it towards ayja at an amazing speed, at which time it hit the wall, then the floor. They went to time out, and i got left cleaning pureed peach and apple off the wall, the stool, the carpet, the couch and breakfast bar and all surfaces within a 2 metre radius.
Sometimes, these 5 yr olds, just get either really silly and giggly as heck - unbearably so... or they get moody and crazed because they think they do know what's right... and they are beginning to realize that others have different ideas than them.. but they think that others should go with their ideas.
Paris literally told me the other day "you know mum, i really do nearly know about everything" ...
i hope it gets better, not much advice to give... just know we have it here too.... Kelly gives me some hope that soon Paris will turn into the responsible 6 yr old and turn that corner from little kid into middle-childhood.
Edited to add the rest of my post which disappeared
Thank you all.
I think it really must be the school holidays, because its only been over the past few weeks that its been happening.
I sometimes wonder whether sometimes I am not listening to her myself (She does talk an awful lot and I tend to zone out )
I think we are also partly to blame for her picking Jackson up. We told her it is only OK for her to do so when he is in danger, yet we leave Jackson in the room with her, knowing she will "take care" of him while we are on the toilet or putting something away etc. Its usually only when Jackson is crying or grizzly after being picked up that it begins to frustrate me.
Hehe Janine, well , she no longer throws mince on the ceiling ....
But really , I do have to say that while shes not an angel , shes still a lot easier to reason with at 6.5 than she was at 5, I don't know if it was that extra year at school , being that the first year at school is bound to be a confusing time for them , but as shes getting older, she seems to be finding her place in the world more , and as her confidence is increasing , so is her willingness to adhere to our rules .
Hopefully halfway through this year (its Paris's second year at school starting this year isnt it ?) you will start to see a difference .
I like the family rules you made , another thing im big on is star charts , works well in our house .
Ah children ....and just think ! we still have their teenage ears to look forward to !
...who wants to run away with me now ?
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I feel like a terrible terrible mother.
. I said to her "what did i say Janaya?" and she just looks at me blankly and shrugs her shoulders, and then tries to explain to me why he should be in there."He likes it though" she tells me. "But he is crawling to it look Mum"
& you are not alone!
take toys away , use naughty area................you have probably already tried but had to put it in..............in one way its not a bad thing as when she hits teenage years she will know how to say no to people ................ why dont you spend one day a week with mummy daughter day................i know sometimes that is hard but that may be all she needs...............good luck
mum2paris wrote:
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