I dont like her very much at the moment

Kazzle, I used to be the same way as you! Sometimes I still think that I could just give her away & let someone else deal with the sh*t & I'd be happy, but most of the time now she's awesome.

We used to consistently fight over getting her to eat all meals, getting dressed, sleeping through the night, tantrums etc etc. THis was at 5 & had been going on for years!

I changed her diet & cut out all bad preservative & additives & noticed a huge change in her behaviour. Not that we used to eat badly but just the foods that she loved, ie 2 min noodles set her off.

This is the main list of stuff to avoid, the first time I looked in my cupboards I was horrified! I have gone further now & also have cut out a lot of other things including dairy but as a start this made a huge difference. Not sure if it will help you but always worth looking into.

Avoid these additives
   from www.fedup.com.au

COLOURS
   102,104,107,110,122,123,124,127,128,
   129,132,133,142,151,155
   natural colour 160b (annatto)

PRESERVATIVES
   Sorbates                     200-203
   Benzoates                  210-213
   Sulphites                    220-228
   Nitrates, nitrites          249-252
   Propionates               280-283

SYNTHETIC ANTIOXIDANTS
   Gallates                     310-312
TBHQ, BHA, BHT        319-321

FLAVOUR ENHANCERS
   Glutamates incl MSG 620-625
   Ribonucleotides          627, 631, 635
   Hydrolysed Vegetable Protein (HVP)

ARTIFICIAL FLAVOURS
   No numbers since they are trade secrets

Sometimes I wonder if having a daughter who is just like you makes it harder to deal with their stroppy behaviour.  (Kaz I'm not saying I think you're difficult!  Not at all!  it was just after you'd said how your mum says you were just the same at her age) I'd been pondering this 'cause my girl is of a similar temperament to me, mixed with my husband's incredible stubbornness and dislike for doing something they've been asked to do (ha ha... that makes it sound like I have a horrible family, but really they're awesome).  But I'd love to know if mums struggling with stroppy daughters who are 'just like their mothers' just all find it really, really hard when the going gets tough.  I do, as much as I adore my girl, I am exhausted from having to constantly try and be a step ahead of her.  Sometimes there will be a standoff here that leaves her Dad and I wondering if we should have just ignored the behaviour in the first place, 'cause it wasn't worth the monster-tantrum. 

Don't beat yourself up for not liking her so much right now... it's a phase of hers, she wasn't always oppositional about everything was she?  She'll come right and in the meantime take a break whenever you can... you deserve it.

My DD is now nearly 13 and is acting like your 3yr old! Argh!!! Anyway, she was just the same when she was little and also just like me. I found a few things helped.
* A reward chart for good behaviour
* She was/is strong willed and I had heard through a parenting course that it is good to give strong willed children a couple of choices so they feel they have some sort of control. e.g lay out two outfits and she can choose which one she wants to wear. Same sort of thing with breakfast etc.
* Pick your battles!!! You cant fight everything becasue you will end up not being consistant and just being grumpy all the time. Choose one behaviour and deal with that using rewards and punishments.
* give her jobs to do for pocket money (even 20c) as this will help to give her some sort of focus and sense of achievement when she has completed the task. It might take a little bit to get going...but she might get a kick out of being a "big" helping girl and then getting to go to the shop for a lollie or whatever you like.

I know what you mean, as I totally do NOT like my DD at the moment. I do love her, but she is being so difficuilt and awful. It doesn't help that I am pg and feeling like bursting into tears at any moment.

Chin up...it is a faze that will pass (unfortunately it will come back around again).

My partner's DD is almost 6 and we've had all of these issues.

Even now it takes well over an hour to get her to eat her dinner. I'm someone who hoovers down my food so you can imagine how much fun mealtimes are at our place.

Anyway rather than give her attention my partner and I eat our meal and then play scrabble while she slowly munches away.

The other thing we are big on is starcharts. She loves her star charts and her reward is one of those chocolate gold coins.

Along with star charts the other thing I've done is institute a timer. Basically instead of nagging her to get dressed I tell her what she needs to get done (ie. put PJs on, brush teeth go to the toilet) ask her how long she thinks she needs. Then I get her to input the time into the microwave and away she goes. If she finishes on time she gets some sort of rewrad (like playing on the barbie website for a few minutes), if not too bad.

Kazzle wrote: we have stopped the reward charts as they just didnt work...she just wasnt interested

i think you have to find the right "currency" for them to be effetive.

Oh & definitely the 2 option choice is a good way to go.

i think you need to have it for just one behaviour and give her somethig tangible... and maybe instead of stickers do something like pebbles or marbles in a jar. you could say that after 5 days she could have one balloon (or something else you know she likes) for each pebble and a bonus like a new colouring book or hairclips or whatever if she has five pebbles... or a lucky dip of stuff like that from the $2 shop.

kazzle....I hated Alia over the weekend too...

love her to bits but my god she can be so dumb, she really frustrates me at times!

Thank god for school. Although we had a good morning this morning. No TV & she didn't get up til 8 so basically I just got her clothes & put them there for her while she ate her breakfast & did some homework. I got her lunch & bag together. Wish every morning could be like this morning, but then I did everything for her.

big hugs for you kazzle

we found that the star chart would wear off very quickly also took us ages to find her "currency"

but from all the fun stuff you did over the weekend mabye have some of those as the rewards, our DD's rewards are baking & crafty things or if shes really good having a friend over. she loves looking through cook books and choosing what she wants to bake

each morning i make her a milo and then she has a choice of either cereal or toast but she has to choose something before the egg timer go's off & if she doesnt then its weetbix ( she hates weetbix so always chooses something)

A timer.. why didnt I think of that!?

We have had an awful time with B over the last few weeks, hes suddenly started swearing, hitting and using the finger at anyone and everyone... We found a rather unconventional, but effective! way to curb the swearing (No violence involved, I swear!) and have gone back to the old reward charts again for the rest, along with the dawdling in the mornings, and general attitude (whinging/crying if he doesnt get his own way, saying no to us etc...) It worked great for the first week, but then earlier this week it was like ALL his bad behaviour came out in one go!

I found his 'currency' last night though, my computer! IF he gets enough ticks on the chart he gets an hour on my computer to do whatever he wants... he loves going on the computer or his grandads iPhone, so fingers crossed this time it works!

He did have an extremely boring morning yesterday... he was ready for school by 8am, but after his behaviour over the preceding 3 days, i decided no tv, no toys, and no talking to anyone... he had to sit on the couch and do nothing... gave him plenty of time to think about what he needed to do/stop doing in order to get the time with his toys and watching his fave tv back again!

And LOL Aliasmum, B is going away this long weekend and it couldnt have come fast enough! I feel a bit sorry for those parents who dont get a break from their kid/s but omg... with his behaviour, i almost LIVE for those breaks by the end of the fortnight!