Considering the rest of the family

Well, totally nooooo experiance in this field (I've only been a teenager, never had one), but the obvious would be to get it all out there in the open as far as you're concerned - tell her your pregnant, and that you assume she's figured it out, and that you're thinking that's what's bothering her. With my experiance with my sisters, thirteen-year-olds can vary between incredibly observant and pretty dense about things like that (in the same teen, this is!) and it would be all a bit sad for you to make assumptions that were out. And if she has figured it out, it's surely the best thing to do to talk about it in the open? Or at least, you can - then whether she does is up to her.

If shes figured it out and not been told, shes probably feeling really left out and maybe like shes being replaced, or is not worthy of being told this life changing information! Get her on board but involving her and talking to her!

I still think you should be open about it with her. In reality, a new baby might be an adjustment, but it's hardly ones worst nightmare. Even though it's quite possible that that's the problem and she's just blowing it out of proportion, it is also still possible that as certain you are that she's cottoned on it's actually nothing related. In any case, I can't see that you being open about it will hurt anything, and lets face it, you're only going to get bigger and HAVE to be open about it some time or the other.

ETA that also, if it is the baby she's worried about, it might be worth stopping and thinking about *why* that could be her worst nightmare. The main things that come to my mind are things that you can at least try to reassure her about - a fear of being replaced, having to cope with a baby in the house, whatever. But you can't do that unless you've been open about the fact you're expecting one.

Edited by Hopes

I don't have your experience as such, but when I was 10/11, my brother 7ish, my mum got accidentally pregnant again. I was mortified. I got so down about it, but didn't tell anyone what was upsetting me. I had my head teacher having me in her office trying to figure it out, I was sent to the GP's for tests and such like. One teacher assistant, on giving me a lift home, said 'is it because your mum's pregnant?' I lied. For me it was mostly because I was still very uncomfortable with the idea of sex. I couldn't stand thinking about it.

Throughout the pregnancy I wouldn't touch my mum's stomach, I thought it was gross to have something growing inside. (Still did until VERY recently) I used to say horrible things to my best friend about things I'd do to baby when born (she knew I couldn't really mean it, it was just my way of spitting my anger and disgust.)

When he was born, I didn't touch him for a couple of days.

Some time later, Mum remembers too, a time when he lay screaming on her bed and she couldn't get him to be quiet. It was driving her mad. She came storming towards the room he was in and I think I thought she was so mad she'd hurt him...I ran and jumped in her way pleading with her to leave him. She was so touched that I seemingly put myself in danger to protect him (of course she wouldn't have hurt him).

Being a teen (or close) is a tough time. Sex is a word with meaning, hormones are raging. Whatever happens, however difficult it might seem, I'm pretty sure your daughter's family instincts will kick in eventually.

She might admit to you that's what's upsetting her, or she might not. She may not explain why. But, I guess just try to let her know you really do want her to be able to talk to you, and if not you then to find someone else.

My mum recently told me she'd found out that apparently we don't develop a sense of empathy until after our teens, which is quite an interesting idea to help think about how they are thinking.

Pretty sure my ramble wasn't the most helpful, but I'm sure that if you just try and keep the communication lines open, and yet give her some space...in the end, it will be ok.

I love both of my bro's immensely and cannot wait to visit UK to see them and my parents again!

Our foster daughter, 15 at the time, had a very hard time accepting the pregnancy. A lot of jealousy, and it all came to a head after the 20 week scan when we went on a mini shopping spree for baby.

She ended up insisting on moving out. We had a good heart to heart and she said we needed to be a happy family. We decided that would be for the best, as she really wasn't coping with it, and we'd talk about her moving back once baby was born

In the end, it all worked out though. From the first time FD held DD at a few hours old, we could tell she stole her heart. They are very close

Being a teen is so hard anyway- they think everything is a huge deal and the world revolves around them, so it's a tricky age to gain a younger brother or sister. Hang in there, try to keep her involved if she wants but don't force it if she's not ready

from someone whos child's father said the same thing to me,I can imagine how horrible it would be to hear your daughter say that.
Anyway you can go for a drive or something with her and just let her talk,she will probably say some hurtful stuff at first,do your best to think of it as her 'venting' and eventually she should get to whats bothering her,I hope so for your sake,cos as I said,I can imagine you are feeling pretty hurt right now .

Just want to remind you though,that you are not being a bad person for bringing this baby into the world,nor is it really the worst thing in your daughters life,Im sure one day she will look back on this time and realise she was overreacting...ahhh teenage years

Hey Keira- just a thought. She is obviously close to you husband. If her own husband left when you found out you were pregnant with her, is it a possibility she is thinking your husband doesent know and will leave when he does find out? Could be why she is going to him so much. Wanting as much time now as possible thinking he might not be there later?
It is the sort of thing my DS who is almost 13 would think.