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sarasal 
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 Topic: anyone NOT want DH at birth?
Posted: 20 July 2011 at 10:47am |
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Just wondering how many of you chose not to have your DH/DP at your birth? Seems just about everyone does these days but I'm not convinced it's actually going to be helpful for me. Mine was there for my 1st, but it was actually kind of off-putting, because I was aware of his stress about seeing me in pain and feeling helpless. If you asked your partner not to be present, how did you explain it to them?
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eassa
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 12:12pm |
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i am having my first and have been trying to ask hubby how he thinks he is going to handle me being in pain. i am not convinced as yet that he is going to be able to handle it. i am thinking of having an aunty as a support person as well that way he can take a break.
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CrazyCass
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 12:18pm |
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I've only spoken to DH about being at 'that end' which he's said he doesn't want, as it will spoil his image of me - something I completly understand.
Hadn't thought too much about how he'll handle me being in pain - he's already wrapped me in cotton wool when I feel sore etc now... who knows what he'll be like during labour!
Guess I'll be thinking about who I'd want as a support person as my parents are a 3hour drive away... and the IL's are not the greatest!
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luv2dance
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 1:13pm |
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My friend is having her 3rd scheduled c- section in september. Her husband wasn't allowed at the first one because it was an emergency general. At the second one he decided he wouldn't be there as he would probably pass out and so won't be there again this time. She is fine with it and will either have her twin sister or her best friend with her. Hubby will bring the boys down to meet their sister once she is out of theatre and feeling better.
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freckle
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 2:36pm |
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I guess it depends how you look at it... I mean I know they're there to be helpful to you, but they are also there to see the baby be born I would have thought?? I would have hated DP to miss the birth of his babies, and he would have too... but I guess it's different for me cos I was wanting his support too... so not much help sorry
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mum to 3 lovely girls :D
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 2:54pm |
Mine was there for both, it is a special moment for him too - it is their child too. I did kick mine out during labour with number 2, althou I kicked my MW out too as I was not happy. She went out of the room, but hubby went to see his dad who was working at the hospital. They both came back MW much sooner than hubby he had to be called on the phone to come back as I dilated very quickly without him there.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Plushie
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 3:43pm |
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I had no one but me at DS's birth. Was happy with that before during and after.
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caliandjack
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 4:01pm |
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I was surprised at how supportive and helpful DH was during labour and the birth. The whole pushing and delivery of DD was short and he was besotted with her as soon as she arrived. I wouldn't want to keep him from his babies.
The pain of labour isn't the same as other pain.
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TheKelly
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 4:10pm |
First of all,I couldn't care less how my husband coped seeing me in pain,I was the one going through pain,not him,all my sympathies were for myself.
My DH was there the entire time for the births of our younger children (hes not my eldest daughter's biological dad so wasn't there for that ) and after the birth of our son he looked traumatised,didn't stop him being attracted to me though,and he saw the head crowning and everything,but it can't have stopped him from wanting me too much,because I was pregnant again less than a year later 
he was there for our daughter's birth,but focused on my face and staying near the head area.
I can understand you not wanting or needing anyone with Max Bowie,I didn't want C's dad in the room either,but it was different with DH,I wanted him to meet our kids straight away,once we came home from hospital after all,we would be coming home to him.
However,I know a few women that didn't want their other halves their,and haven't regretted their decision,in the end you have to do what you are most comfortable with,if you think having him there will put you off (though when you're actually IN labour I doubt you'll care much about anything ) then I would look for someone else to be the support partner.
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sarasal
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 4:16pm |
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The problem is not at all that he's squeamish, as he's a health professional so he deals with gross stuff every day. It's more just that last time I felt his presence slowed down my labour because I was too sensitive to his nervous energy.
Since we'll be having a home birth, he'll likely be there in the house for at least part of the time, so he'll be able to see his baby straight away, but I just don't think I want him trying to be helpful during labour. Think I'll think of other jobs for him to do, like looking after our toddler.
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TheKelly
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Posted: 20 July 2011 at 8:49pm |
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my daughter's stepmum HATES having her husband there during the contractions,she gets someone to get him when she knows shes going to start pushing (shes pregnant with her 4th and they've all been born at home )
She has someone else there to watch the kids,and gets him to do things like get her bed ready for her,have a bath or the shower etc ready for her and that way he is there when the baby is born,but not there annoying her when shes in active labour.
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kelzie_rose
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 3:08pm |
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DH wants to be there and I want him there. I've said he can go anywhere he wants, and I think wants to see everything and he doesn't think it will "spoil" anything for him. I'm a terrible patient, and I'm not good with pain, I'm also not great being drugged as I get a little anxious, so I need him there.
If I had said no, I think I'd always feel bad about it. I want him there as our tiny, bloody, screamy baby comes into existence.
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 Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3
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TheKelly
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 4:31pm |
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My DH was at the action end with our son,he wasn't meant to be,but somehow he got pushed down that end.
For months afterwards he would tell everyone of the horror,"ohhhh and it stretches,my god,the stretching....and the blood,and other stuff " so needless to say with our daughter,having experienced the "horror" of childbirth once,he stayed at my head,I could hear my MIL telling him to "look,your baby is coming,I can see her head" and him saying "no thanks,its ok....you look "
I have been present at the birth of my friend's baby,saw the whole shebang,and while its certainly gory and I was very grateful not to be pregnant at the time...it was amazing
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Reffinej
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 6:16pm |
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I don't want my DH there, as I've mentioned in a previous thread actually. For me it's more about feeling generally uncomfortable with the idea of him being there, or anyone else I know. He's cool about it though because he's just happy I even changed my mind about having kids and, of course, he knows me...he wouldn't want to make things harder for me. He'll be nearby, just in case...but yeah, that's the plan atm.
At the end of the day, it is only in very recent times that it has become the norm for partners/men to be at a birth anyway. I think it should be primarily the woman's choice as she has to actually do it all.
TheKelly - that sounds terrifying! I definitely don't want my partner seeing all that.
If I could wangle it, I wouldn't be at the birth either! lol
Edited by Reffinej
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TheKelly
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 7:45pm |
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haha,my DH is just a typical over exaggerating man,you know,has a sore throat so it MUST be throat cancer....
Funny though,I tried to get out of being at my kid's births too.....
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fire_engine
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 8:37pm |
 TheKelly wrote:
I have been present at the birth of my friend's baby,saw the whole shebang,and while its certainly gory and I was very grateful not to be pregnant at the time...it was amazing |
LOL - been there, done that, but I was 6 months pregnant! Once I got over the shock of hearing someone go through labour (I had had a very managed birth with #1, with an epidural from the start, I found it so amazing and empowering ...
DH says "it's gross, but it's really amazing". I didn't find it gross - it wasn't like "oh, it's a vagina", it was "wow - that's a baby coming"
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Mum_mum
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 8:52pm |
TheKelly wrote:
Funny though,I tried to get out of being at my kid's births too..... |
DH told me the other day the HE doesn't want to go through the whole labour thing again! He'd be happy if I said I didn't want him there.
Funny thing is, I don't want to go through it again either, but I have to, so he does too!
and yip DH accidently walked past on his way back from the bathroom and saw DD crowning. He was pretty horrified that "it turned inside out!" but ddefinatly has not put him off me but maybe gave him a little bit more understanding of why it took a little while for us to have sex again!
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TheKelly
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Posted: 21 July 2011 at 10:03pm |
fire_engine wrote:
TheKelly wrote:
I have been present at the birth of my friend's baby,saw the whole shebang,and while its certainly gory and I was very grateful not to be pregnant at the time...it was amazing |
LOL - been there, done that, but I was 6 months pregnant! Once I got over the shock of hearing someone go through labour (I had had a very managed birth with #1, with an epidural from the start, I found it so amazing and empowering ...
DH says "it's gross, but it's really amazing". I didn't find it gross - it wasn't like "oh, it's a vagina", it was "wow - that's a baby coming" |
yeah exactly,you don't really think of where its coming out of,just that its coming out
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Plushie
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Posted: 23 July 2011 at 2:13pm |
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Sorry Kelly - your MIL was at Milas birth? Just chillin down by your vagina?
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CrazyCass
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Posted: 25 July 2011 at 3:42pm |
Ha Kelly your MIL MUST be a great person for you to have her there!!
Spoke to DH about the whole pain thing & him not being able to help, he informed me he'd be requesting as many of the durgs as possible to make me more comfortable  Umm I've already told him if I can help it there wont be any drugs - can see I'll be doing the birth plan with the MW on my own to start with so I can get my wishes down before his! 
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anyone NOT want DH at birth?
Angel baby - May 2008