Thanks guys
Bizzy I have tried just about every option for breakfast cereals, she will sometimes eat a sandwich or rice wheels.
I like the idea of faces on cereal/ porridge will give that a crack.
Helen you're right it is the only thign she can totally control. She's been checked out and has some iron/vitamin supplements now.
She doesn't drink much milk at all, certainly not every day she just has water.
I will now try to relax more ( haven't tried that yet

)
I certainly get tense when she does refuse cause i know it means tantrums late