When does the pain fade ?

I'm sorry for your loss.
Try and take some time out for you focus on you for a bit. We all know what your going through and are here for you.

Massive hugs.

Yes everything that you feel is normal but as to when you'll feel better.

I just don't know...

So sorry to hear you've had a down day princess. I think hormones can play a part too, that's what I was told - takes ages for it all to settle down.

I think one helpful thing I worked out was that I could be as sad as I wanted, and that it was valid even though there's not much of a place in the everyday world for that. Many people think you have a miscarriage, talk about it a few times and then move on. But I think of my miscarriage as mirroring a pregnancy, a shadow side. So while a pregnant woman is (rightly!) engaged in new feelings and experiences each day due to her pregnancy, a miscarriage woman is too. Every day is new with new feelings and experiences related to the miscarriage, you don't just talk the miscarriage grief out of your system one day and leave it behind. Just the way you don't talk about a your pregnancy for a few days and then set it aside!

I think it does get better slowly, as everyone says. But far out it is slow and painful!! And often you'll have a few good days and then it feels like the end of the world again. Then I guess the good days run together for longer and eventually the bad days turn into wistful patches of time.

But at the end of all that, I am really sorry because I know there is no cure for bad days. You just have to survive them, go to bed and have a good sob, and hope the next day is better.

HUGSHUGSHUGS

Edited by jo1979

MC is such a horrible thing to have to go through. And your totally right, its expected that those that suffer from one will just get over it. But from my perspective you never do, it just becomes easier to deal with. I think of my angel all the time and what would have been. Hang in there hun and give yourself time. It does get better I promise

Hi there,
miscarriage is hard. There are no two ways about it. You have celebrated a new life, have thought about names, imagined holding it, thought about when it will be born, grandparents/aunties/uncles.... as soon as you find out you are pregnant, you have a new member of your family to think about. And you love that baby immediately.

I had a miscarriage on Thursday this week, after finding out the day before at the 12/13 week scan the baby had died. Yesterday was a good day for me. I was feeling mentally strong. Today I'm feeling a bit more fragile. I'm still bleeding and I'm still a bit raw emotionally. I expect to have good days and bad days.

One thing I know is that people who have never been there do NOT understand. They don't get it, so talking to those people will not help you.

What will help is talking to people who have been there. Even if you just talk about the same thing over and over again, it's part of the grief cycle and it's part of healing. Do you have any friends who have been there and can help with your healing? If not, rely on forums on the internet. We understand. We feel your loss. We want to help you.

The worst part for me having a missed miscarriage was the fact that they baby didn't come out after it died. It stayed inside me. I feel like my body has played a sick practiical joke on me "ha ha, I tricked you into thinking you were 3 months pregnant". Getting to the scan and finding out was hard.

How far along were you when you miscarried? Share your story with us, it may help.

Am thinking of you.

xx

Thanks everyone!

I really appreciate the advice and support,

Kellyd - I had my scan at 8 weeks (I suspected something wasn't quite right even though I wasn't bleeding or anything) and I was told the baby was measuring 6.2 weeks and that the heart rate was 37 - When it should have been about 160. I had another scan a couple of days later and was told there was noi heart beat, but then a few hours later my doctor phoned me and said that my hcg levels were so high and not give up hope, A week later I had bloods and another scan and it was confirmed. I had to wait another 5 days for a d and c which was terrifying but in the end having the d and c was definitely the right decision for me. I was getting so fearful and I just couldn't cope with the waiting any more.

I just had lunch with a mum I used to nanny for and she has been through 3 miscarriages so it was great to talk to her. She has 3 beautiful girls who really are angels. It just goes to show that there is hope.

Dp and I buried our bub on Friday somewhere special which was lovely,it's nice I have somewhere to go now to think/talk/cry. Its on a cliff over looking the ocean under a beautiful tree so I couldn't ask for a nicer place for bubs to rest in peace.

I still climb into bed and cry and cry each night but the days are getting easier.

I can't help feeling negative about work though, I was so looking forward to October and having my baby. I feel lost and completely out of kilter now.

Spending alot of time on the net (especially this site) has really helped, it's been the best support because so many people here actually understand, where as when someone hasn't been through this they can't comprehend the magnitude of the devastation it leaves behind.

Thanks again - I don't know what I'd do without ohbaby.co.nz to be honest

My due date was 16th October. It's going to be a sad day.

I'm wanting to try again quite soon - will wait for my next period and then hopefully get preggers again. Well, that's the plan anyway. Do you think you will try again straight away or have a break, or not sure yet? I can't wait to be pregnant again. It feels weird not being pregnant after 3 months of pregnancy.

Take care.

Emotionally speaking I think a bit of an enforced wait (it took me a while to get pregnant again) can be a good thing, but for some people getting pregnant again quickly is the best thing so I guess it's yet another each to their own situation.

Was glad to see you had been able to bury the baby where you wanted princess bubs - keep up the memory book and keep talking here whenever you need - even if it's just to say the same thing over and over and over

My Due Date was 6th Of May 2010.
It is coming up soon and I am already starting to feel sad about it.
I think that I will always feel sad on this day. I will never forget. I think its important to remember. although we never got a chance to meet our babies they are still in our hearts.