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Snappy
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Topic: No... Posted: 02 August 2009 at 7:53pm |
Please can someone tell me how I get my son to understand what this means?
He seems to think everything I say is a great joke. Plunket told me I should say something like "We dont jump on the couch" and remove him. Ive tried it all, even changed a few things to "get down please" or anything I can think of that doesnt sound like "no" but nothing is working!
Today he climbed up on the couch, and started jumping on it laughing and saying "Get down! Get down!"  So now he is just copying me and thinks its all a game.
All day he just walks around looking for mischief. I try and get him interested in his blocks or playing puzzles but hes up and off into the cupboards or trying to push the tv off the cabinet; climbing on the coffee table or his latest which is jumping on the couch and ripping even more of the curtains down. Is this just normal toddler boy behaviour? Anyone got any advice?
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BugTeeny
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Posted: 02 August 2009 at 8:03pm |
Oooh Kylie.
I feel your pain.
I was going to start a thread, too. But DH said I just need to suck it up cos she's 18 months old, and she'll grow out of it.
But, really. She's just a complete menace when it comes to climbing on the coffee table (she has to climb onto the couch to get to it), the dining chairs, then onto the table.
The bed.
Everything climbable.
I always get to her level, look her in the eye and say "We don't <naughty thing> because you might fall and hurt yourself"
She giggles and keeps doing it.
I'm sure most (if not all?) of us can relate.
I think Hannah's problem is that she's bored. I've been sick all week so unable to really do much. So I'm hoping that now that I'm better and able to play more she might come right.
But I'll be watching this thread with interest.
Edited by MamaPickle
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LittleBug
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Posted: 02 August 2009 at 8:30pm |
I do the whole "get down on her level, give her a warning thing" and tell her that she has to listen to mummy or she will get a time out. Then if she does said naughty thing again, I give her a time-out for a minute (now a minute and a half)... which for us she gets put in the empty play pen in the hallway (away from everyone) for that time. She sits on the floor in there and cries for the whole time, then when I get her out I explain that she had to have a time out because of "insert naughty behaviour" and that next time she has to listen to Mummy. Then I say "now you give me a sorry hug" and she gives me a hug and we go back and play/do something else.
If she does something like hit her brother, she goes straight into time out with no warning. She knows that is naughty and doesn't need telling.
The first few days that we used this technique, she was in time out multiple times a day, and it rips your heart out listening to her cry for a minute. But now she only half-heartedly cries, and she gives you a genuine sorry hug, and is "better" afterwards straight away (not grumpy etc). She understands that it is her discipline for bad behaviour now, not that she's been abandoned in the hallway. It only takes a few times for them to understand that.
But now she listens, and if she does something naughty and I say no, she will listen 90% of the time. If she does it a second time then I get down on her level, explain it's naughty and that she has to listen to mummy or she will have a time out. 99% of the time, this works.
She only ends up in time-out about once or twice a week now. I love how she listens and how helpful she is.
I totally think that kids understand good/bad behaviour at 18 months.
That's just my opinion though, we started time-out on the advice of our FamilyStart mentor person.
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Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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NovemberMum
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Posted: 02 August 2009 at 8:37pm |
arghh yes my 20 month old girl does my head in..lately she has taken to banging our wooden (well actually plastic but look wooden hehehe) blinds on the window and is well rather noisy and dont talk to me about climbing on the tables al though she is doing that less often now.
we have a playpen which i have now called the naughty box and if she is doing something I dont want her to do I say to her do you want to go in the naugty box and she will usually stop..fi she doesnt she goes in tgehre for about 1 minute.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 02 August 2009 at 9:13pm |
its all in the tone of voice! and removal... the word alone isnt enough, you have to say it low and deep and then remove them from the thing...
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.Mel
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 9:43am |
Bizzy wrote:
its all in the tone of voice! and removal... the word alone isnt enough, you have to say it low and deep and then remove them from the thing... |
Yep I agree. I have a "no" voice and all the kids know it and know that I'm serious.
I think it's normalish behaviour in the sense that he's exploring his surroundings etc... I was going to ask if he's bored, and acting out as some kind of attention seeking behaviour... if it's a nice day, maybe take him outside to run off some of that energy.
I totally understand your frustration though...
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Mr Mellow (16)
Miss Attitude (8)
Destructa Kid (3)
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Snappy
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 12:33pm |
Do you think being 15 mnths he is capable of understanding the time out thing? Will the low voice be enough?
I dont think its boredom, even this morning at playgroup - he had a whole room full of activities and he was the only child running into the toilet and the kitchen.. pulling at the cupboards and trying to shut all the doors in the place! I tried showing him outside to the slide but he just ran away.. its a bit frustrating.
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jaycee
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 1:27pm |
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Snappy
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 1:30pm |
Yes! Janaya was so quiet and placid, we could sit for hours playing together. Jackson on the other hand....
My best friend said to me when he was born "He looks like hes going to be naughty when he grows up - he looks like trouble already, I hope he is!!" She was around here the other day and I said "Are you happy now?!" Lol.
Edited by kaiz231
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jaycee
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 1:33pm |
hehehe - when Sophie was little i had so many people say that she had a *real twinkle* in her eye. Now I know what that means  .
Sounds like Jackson and Sophie and Hannah are rather similar - what on earth is the Pickles in Wellington catch up going to be like
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sally belly
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Posted: 03 August 2009 at 2:11pm |
Liam is exactly the same, even with a deep voice he thinks it's all a big joke  .
We have started time-out where we put him in the hallway for a minute or two. Sometimes he'll cry but other times he doesn't seem bothered at all.
I really think it comes down to consistency. I know I could improve on that as some times I just get so tired & sick of removing him from the table or the stereo volume knob... SO no doubt he thinks he can get away with whatever he's doing because sometimes he gets told off & other times he doesn't.
It is VERY frustrating though
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LittleBug
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Posted: 04 August 2009 at 12:03am |
We started time out at 13 months on advice from FamilyStart.
Consistency IS really important... sometimes it seemed like more of a pain to put Chloe in time out than just let her get away with something, but it has really paid off.
In saying that, we just chose a couple of behaviours to work on at a time. Like to start with she got time out for stealing lots of tissues from the tissue box ( she's only allowed one for her nose, LOL) and for knocking all her books off her bookshelf on purpose. Then we were really consistent with that. And then when you use your serious voice to give her a warning, and say "listen to mummy or you will get a time out"... you HAVE to follow through with a time out if the behaviour happens again, otherwise your word means nothing.
BUT!!! I'm much more patient with Chloe if she is tired/misunderstood/teething/sick etc. You have to cut them a little slack because they are so little and can't communicate properly and there is still heaps they don't understand. I always try the "firm/serious voice" and the removal/distraction techniques first, it's only if Chloe is being persistently naughty that I have to warn her about time outs.
So please don't think I'm a big meany that puts her in time out at the drop of a hat  but it really works for us!
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Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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LittleBug
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Posted: 04 August 2009 at 12:03am |
I highly recommend the book "Supernanny" by Jo Frost. I  it!
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Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years).
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bex88
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Posted: 04 August 2009 at 11:51am |
Oh my gosh, I can so relate to this.... I get to the end of the day and I feel like all I have done all day is told Alex off.I think I'm going to have to get tough with time out.
I also think some if the problem is as some of you have said is consistency. For me the biggest problem is between me and DH.... Maybe we need to sit down and make some house rules.
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crafty1
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Posted: 04 August 2009 at 1:08pm |
I read somewhere that it depends on your child. So if you know they are misbehaving because they are tired, hungry, teething pain etc then don't make a big deal about it but acknowledge the feeling and try and fix the root of the problem. So say 'oh you're getting tired lets go read some books quietly'.
But if she is doing it when she knows she shouldn't be then you have to use some discipline. The word no has absolutely no meaning for her if there have never been any consequences for not listening to it. Why on earth she she listen to the word. The earlier posters have some good suggestions for age appropriate discipline, consistency is the key and then she will understand that when mummy says no she means it!
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ElfsMum
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Posted: 04 August 2009 at 1:37pm |
the behaviour is totally normal at this age....though that doesn't make it better..i have one who doesn't listen to it either.. DH really growls for little things but i save the big growl for dangerous things...
for us time out didn't work...there is nowhere to put him(the playpen he just moves and tries to climb out of)so we just do the getting to his level and the same as what people have said above...he is gradually getting better at doing what we want him to... but if you can get time out to work it's a great solution!:)
at preschool where we weren't allowed time out(no exclusion of children blah blah) saying the we dont do this because then 'ignoring' them worked well.
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Bombshell
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Posted: 04 August 2009 at 4:08pm |
we use the voice too....but we also use time out....she gets a warning first....but we follow daycares NO system too...they say:
"stop i do not like it - it is not ok" - the kids learn to say this to other kids when something happens or when they get hurt etc...so when we say that back to her at home (instead of NO) she hates it and it stops her in her tracks! We also stop (eg tickling etc) if she tells us "stop Daddy (cause it is usually him!) I do not like it" LOL
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Chops1975
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Posted: 19 August 2009 at 4:29pm |
I think everything Littlebug is saying works!
Do it too and works for me!
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bjandmike
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Posted: 19 August 2009 at 7:42pm |
We have the problem that Miss 26 mths will not listen when we say "don't touch". Even "No" has to be repeated 2-3 times at louder volumes. And I have trouble with time out because husband works nights and sleeps during the day, and our house is not sound proof by any means.
So I tell her to sit on the couch or I place her on the couch (which is generally a struggle).
We found that getting her to sit down and not move when we are out works, so was thinking, should I get a chair that is a dedicated naughty chair/time out chair. And if she goes there, then the music/tv or whatever she is doing gets stopped while she is doing time out?
I'm open to other options. I need to do something as have #2 due anytime from 2 weeks time.
Thanks
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