Feeling empty

Jakinty Im so sorry to hear of your loss . I know exactly how you feel and I was pretty much the same as you, I had a scan at 7w3d after a week of bleeding and not knowing if my wee angel was ok or not.

My thoughts are with you

When we fell pregnant, we focused all our energy on being positive and looking after the baby that the thought of m/c never entered our heads.

If we try again, i imagine those 12 weeks would be very hard. How do you get yourself into a good head space? What's worked for others?

I read Life After Baby Loss after my first post-loss pregnancy (which resulted in the gremlins) and I sooo wish I had read it before I got pregnant again. It is a great resource, reassuring and straightforward and NZ-relevant.

I agree with Cuppatea re: getting into a good headspace too. I fell pregnant with the gremlins 6 weeks post-d and c and whilst at the time I thought the only thing that could *fix* the pain was getting preg again, in fact there's no such thing as *fixing* it and I lost my entire pregnancy and the first 8 mths of the gremlins lives to crippling anxiety. I don't regret having them for a second but I can't help but wonder if I'd waited longer and let myself heal better if things might have been easier.

I've just come thru another pregnancy and whilst I was still anxious to some degree I managed it much better and was able to bond with baby much easier and sooner coz I had addressed the issues surrounding the m/c.

Sorry, bit of a threadjack

Hi Jakinty, I have found this website fantastic. So many of the ladies here have been through what you are going through and just having a place to vent and ask questions has really helped me. I have had 3 mc in the last year. the first one was at 10 wks and my husband and I always knew it could happen. You can probably read my other posts throughout this forum as I had a number of dramas - medical procedure which didnt work and then 5 months later a d&c. I fell preg again straight away and mc at 5 wks. then fell preg a couple of months later and mc again at 5 wks. So now I am on my frst cycle of clomid. I am VERY nervous and assume next pregnancy I will be a wreck. People I feel do not respect mc and some peoples comments are soo hurtfull, you are young, at least you can get preg, it wasn't meant to be etc. People who have been through mc know what it feels like. It is a loss, it is sad and it hurts big time. I have had soo many down days, tears, anger etc then the next day I am fine. It is the biggest emotional rollarcoaster and I feel my life has been put on hold! Anyway, I am hoping this clomid works and I get pregnant, then I will start to focus on positive and carrying the baby to full term. I wish you every success and at the end of the day you need to do what is right for you and your hubby and noone else. Keep us posted with your progress.

Hi Jakinty,

Cuppatea and Maya pretty much said what I wanted to say.

I too went for an early scan only to discover no heartbeat.

I totally understand the emotional rollercoaster and how insensitive and down right stupid people can be when dealing with miscarriage.

I also read the book that was mentioned and it really helped me. I miss by baby everyday, I would be 26 weeks now and I wonder what life would be like if things had been different. But.... I am 13 weeks today with what appears to be a healthy baby.

DH and I have been very cautious but also (with the exception of a few minor breakdowns on my part) know that there is nothing we can. If this baby is not for this world, then that is what shall be. That said, we would of course be devasted to loose another child, but we can accept it now. I dont know if that makes sense.

It is such a horrible experience to go through, if anything the one thing I would say was the best piece of advice I was given it was " allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and dont let anyone tell you not to'

You will know when you are ready again hun.

Big hugs.

Hey Sunshine - I know some girls on this site got pregnant right away without even a period and are now in their 3rd trimester! Other took a few months 3 or 4. I think they say 3 months is more on an emotional level rather than a physical one. Well that is my undertanding anyway.

Well its really up to you guys - My DH didnt want to try again for a while so we have waited 5-6mths.
Me - well i really wanted to start right away but also really pretrified - I still am but i did see some advice from these knowledgable girls:
You will know your ready when the longing for a baby far out weighs your fear of losing another..... Something like that and i think for me I am now at that stage but 6 months ago i would not have been even tho i thought i was IYKWIM!
Take care sunshine and do what feels right - they do say to wait atleast one cycle but that is really for dating and i spose to make sure its all cleansed out.

lurker in

Ive never had a miscarriage , and I hope I never do , I don't know if im strong enough to deal with it ...I think you ladies are amazing.
I don't understand how people can be callous (sp) about it, as if it doesnt matter ....no matter how long you have them for , your baby is your baby from day one , and forever and ever more , whether they are on earth with you ,or angel babies , im sorry people have been hurtful to some of you .
My friend had a mc a couple of years ago, and people said the same thing to her "its ok , you can try again ,your still young " and she would reply "yes, i know that....but we wont be getting THIS baby , and that is what hurts "

Big hugs to all of you , I think your so brave .
And im sitting here a big blubbery mess.

Lurker out