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Rachael21 
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
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 Topic: Fighting
Posted: 06 July 2008 at 8:45pm |
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Ok my two spend pretty much all day every day together and while they can play really nicely together they fight a lot too. Jack stands Caprece over or pushes her but then she hits him or pulls his hair. They are driving me up the wall one of them is usually crying and we have to have two of everything as they both have to be doing the same thing at the same time. I just don't know how to deal with the fighting, do I just let them sort it out although Jack usually wins so thats not fair on Caprece; or step in, usually to punish Jack as Caprece is still to little to understand punishment and being nice so thats not fair on Jack.
What have other people done???
TIA
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busymum
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 9:02pm |
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We have a pretty low tolerance for bullying and rough fighting here. Jack is definitely old enough to know better and you can go right ahead and do what you would normally do when he is disobedient, without it being unfair on him just because he is older. Caprece is still little but probably just old enough to tease, so you may need to separate her from Jack when she is being provocative.
You can help boost Jack's confidence by giving him "big boy only" stuff for when Caprece is in bed etc. I don't have boys so I'm not sure what he would be into, but every kid has a special few things that 1yo's just love to destroy! The things our older girls can get out when Kryssi is in bed are things like (cardboard) puzzles, felt pens, scissors, lego, etc. Or doing baking together.
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Jennz
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Location: Wellington
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 10:49pm |
 I'm not going to be much help! Charlottes very good with Kate- but Kate is such a little bully to her big sister! Sometimes they can play really nicely but Kate just gets in these moods where shes constantly pulling her hair, stealing her toys, wrecking her stuff, hitting etc. I make a show of telling her off, stopping the behaviour and comforting Charlotte but to be honest it doesn't seem to help an awful lot as of yet. Hopefully it will start helping at some point though!
They have fallen out over toys a few times- rule of thumb here is that whoever had it first gets it for a small play then they have to share it with the other (by which point they've usually both moved on anyway as it was nothing to do with the toy in the first place!).
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Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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caraMel
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Posted: 07 July 2008 at 9:38am |
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I can SO sympathise!
My two are so gorgeous when they're playing together nicely, but some days that seems like a rarity as they spend so much time fighting!
It is horrible!
Ella is really bossy and gets cross with Benjy if he doesn't play by her rules, Benjy is cheeky and winds her up a lot.
I try and maintain zero tolerance for hitting and violence and because of that Ella winds up getting told off a whole lot more than Benjy does.
I know he does provoke her a lot but hitting is just not tolerated and she needs to learn to ask for help when he's winding her up.
Because I feel really unfair punishing her all the time, I sometimes hang out on the sidelines and when I can see things escalating into fights I'll try and redirect or get Ella to come and 'help' me with something so that it doesn't get to the point of fighting and hitting and then she gets praise for helping instead.
I also try to do special time with her while Benjy sleeps. We play her board and card games or do jobs together that Benjy isn't big enough to help with.
I find these are quite good times for having chats about what it means to be a big sister, looking after Benjy and teaching him that it's not okay to hit etc, while she's feeling good about being older and more responsible.
I don't know how helpful any of this is to you Rachel, I'm a bit rambly today! Good luck chick!
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Mel, Mummy to E: 6, B: 4 and:
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Jennz
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Posted: 07 July 2008 at 9:57pm |
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Oh also- have you read siblings without rivalry? It is aimed at when they're older but its such a brilliant book- I think the ideas behind it help even at this stage. Totally recommend it!
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Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3
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Rachael21
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Location: New Zealand
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Posted: 08 July 2008 at 11:57am |
Thanks guys I had a talk with Jack this morning to tell him to tell me if Caprece is being annoying rather than just pushing her over so hopefully we get this sorted.
No I haven't heard of that book Jennz, i'll have to get it out from the library thanks 
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Fighting